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Thread: the+matrix+irc

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    Jan 2003
    the matrix irc - by enstyne
    ********************************** THE MATRIX IRC (mIRC) *****************************
    ******** STORY BY Enstyne
    ******** Best viewed @ 800x600 in notepad.exe with the screen maxed
    ******** Please excuse any errors, i did try and make the story as much as possible
    ******** simular to the real story, although some stuff i may of just forgot or
    ******** left out because it wouldn't of fit.
    ******** Don't forget to memo me with your comments
    ******** Also check out #cyberarmy on
    ******** That's the place i usually hang out
    ******** Enstyne
    # Final Note: żG0t* is a trademark of the Chawmp.
    # permission must be given prior to use
    # by him personally and may only be used
    # until his designated żG0t expiry date!
    # lol

    *** Connected To Matrix-IRC 6667

    Now talking in #chat...
    Topic is 'how much wood could a wood chuck chuck?'
    Set by leetobastard on 19th of May 2001

    <Neo> hey guys, sup?
    <ManiaMan> h1 ne0
    <Neo> w4zzz4h
    <acknsin> rofl
    <Neo> ?
    <acksin> lol @ leet speak
    <acksin> leet speak is for lamers
    <Neo> STFU
    <ManiaMan> gonna get back to codin' up dis mofo...
    <acksin> rofl... lamers
    *** acksin ( has parted #chat
    <shitserv> whatcha coding mania?
    <ManiaMan> oh, i've almost finished my clicker... in perl.
    <shitserv> cool!
    <shitserv> let me put it on my fserv when i'm done
    * Neo is away: sleep [MatrixIRC msglog on] [MatrixIRC pager on]
    <ManiaMan> k
    <shitserv> thanx man
    <ManiaMan> np


    (2 hours later)

    ** DCC Chat From £"YTR^$%£%£TWSEY$%£$%
    <£"YTR^$%£%£TWSEY$%£$%> wake up neo.
    <£"YTR^$%£%£TWSEY$%£$%> the matrix has you.
    <Neo> WTF?
    <£"YTR^$%£%£TWSEY$%£$%> Follow the white rabbit...
    <Neo> omg, wtf?
    <£"YTR^$%£%£TWSEY$%£$%> *beep* *beep*
    ** DCC Chat closed

    ** Query from Tman
    <Tman> Hey, man, you there?
    <Neo> who are you?
    *** Tman is now known as Troy
    <Troy> it's me
    <Neo> oh
    <Troy> got the trojans?
    <Neo> i'll dcc them, hold on
    <Troy> thanx man, your a liphe-saver
    <Neo> if you get caught using those....
    <Troy> don't worry man, you never existed
    * Neo feels ill
    <Troy> what's wrong man?
    <Neo> ever get the feeling... that things arn't what they seem, a minute ago i could of sworn
    my computer was just talking to me.
    <Troy> it's called windows man, it's the only way of liphe!
    <Troy> ... hey, man, wanna join our channel?
    <Neo> nah, i've got people to sub70rize....
    <Troy> i really think you should come
    ** WhiteRabbit invites you to join #rave

    Now talking in #rave...
    Topic is 'ddddddaaaa dee da de dooooo da dee da da dooo da de da da.. do dee daaaaaaaaaa'
    Set by Troy on 18th of May 2001

    <Neo> ......
    * Neo hears another pin drop
    <Trinity> Hello Thomas, i am Trinity
    <Neo> how the f**k do j00 know my name?!
    <Trinity> that is something i can't say, you must trust me.
    <Neo> are you.... THE trinity, that cracked the irish government's computer systems?
    <Trinity> that was a long time ago neo, i used to hack macdonalds.
    <Neo> ow.
    -Trinity- I know why your here
    -Trinity- and I know why, you spend every night on your computer
    -Trinity- Your searching....
    >>Neo -Trinity-: a/s/l?
    -Trinity- no, i don't mean porn, you are searching for the answer
    >>Neo -Trinity-: what is the matrix?
    -Trinity- yes. I found morphious, the person who you are looking for.
    he told me that, i wasn't really looking for the matrix.
    I was looking for mad cyber-sex0r
    .... He was right
    >>Neo -Trinity-: argh, gtg.. cya some other time

    *** Disconnected***

    The next day.....
    *** Connected To Matrix-IRC 6667

    Now talking in #chat...
    Topic is 'how much wood could a wood chuck chuck?'
    Set by leetobastard on 19th of May 2001

    <Neo> crap, the ircops are after me
    <Neo> i sub7'd one.
    <Neo> omg they are coming.
    <ManiaMan> Neo, i've got something for you, i need to dcc
    <Neo> hurry
    <Neo> 70%
    <Neo> done
    <ManiaMan> k
    <Neo> wtf is server.exe?
    <ManiaMan> you must trust me neo

    ** Connection Established with Morphious
    there are ircops after you.
    carefully, do /topic #agents

    <Neo> shit!!

    you must do exactly as i say without question

    <Neo> ok ok

    They are looking at the nicks with N
    so switch........ now!

    ** Neo is now known as oNe

    ah, rot1.
    stay there for just one moment.
    okay, you need to disconnect, and connect to the second server
    in the /links from your server
    stay low, and use the bnc

    <Neo> done.

    there's two channels you must exit. that's #chat and #rave.

    <Neo> how do j00 know all this?!

    there's no time for specifics now Neo.

    <Neo> omg, no way am i gonna reconnect...

    there's two ways to stay on this network
    that's by evading until they forget.
    Or try explain to them and take the risk.
    The choice, I leave to you.

    ** Connection Dropped
    *** Disconnected

    *** Connecting to Matrix2-irc 6667

    (decides not to evade and goes to ircops)

    Now talking in #operhelp
    Topic is 'find that bastard'
    Set by ChanServ on the 1st of Janurary 1961

    <Neo> turning myself in
    -Matrix2-irc- You were forced to join #interrogation

    Now talking in #interrogation
    Topic is 'find that bastard'
    Set by ChanServ on the 1st of Janurary 1961

    <Smith> well mr. neo, it looks like you've been pretty busy for quite some time now.
    <Smith> it seems... you've been leading two clients.
    <Smith> the first one is involved with jeet hax0ring
    <Smith> where you crack into protected systems with leet trojans
    <Smith> and deface them under the name of 'Ron885'
    <Smith> .... and are guilty of virtually every software crime we have a law for.
    <Smith> the other, is a normal j00ser...
    <Smith> who even helps the lamers out with perl coding.
    <Smith> one of these connections, has a future.
    <Smith> i'm willing to wipe the slate clean, give you a fresh start.
    <Smith> .... my colleages think i'm wasting my time here, that you will not respond.
    <Smith> all you have to do, is tell me what contact you had with the international terrorist
    called 'morphious'.
    <Neo> well, that sounds like a really good deal.
    * Smith hmmmms...
    <Neo> but i think i've got a better one.
    <Neo> i give you the finger
    -> [Smith:FINGER]
    <Neo> and i make a phone call to your isp for harassment. You don't scare me with the gestappo
    crap, i don't have to reveal who i've been chatting with.
    <Smith> tell me, Mr. Neo. How can you make a phone-call.... if you don't.. have net2phone?
    <Neo> OMG
    <Neo> WTF????

    *** Connection Reset by peer.
    *** mIRC Terminated

    ..... later on the next morning, Neo gets a phone call
    Hello, do you still want to meet securely?
    <Neo> whu?
    i can't talk long, this line could be sniffed, meet me with ssl at #thebridge


    *** Connected To Matrix-IRC 6667

    Now talking in #thebridge...
    <Trinity> okay, connect to this address.
    <Trinity> ok?
    <Neo> k


    *** Connected to 6667
    Welcome Neo!

    ----- Welcome to our secure xion server ------
    End of /MOTD

    .... in #car ....
    **** Switch sets mode +zi
    <Switch> invite him in

    ... Neo's client... Trinity invites you to join #car
    *** Now talking in #car...
    * Neo looks around....
    * Switch gets ready on the kill command
    <Neo> what's that for?
    <Trinity> for our protection
    <Neo> from what?
    <Trinity> from you...
    <Neo> ?
    <Neo> i ain't takin dis shit man. stop the car
    * Neo prepares to part #car
    <Trinity> You don't want to do that Neo
    <Trinity> You've been there before, nowhere, you know what it's like
    * Neo stays
    * Trinity lifts up neo's shirt
    <Trinity> Hold still for a second, don't talk.
    <Neo> whoo hoo!
    * Trinity gets out her special tool
    <Trinity> Ok, this may feel weird
    <Neo> i hope so
    * Trinity puts it on Neo's penis
    <Trinity> okay, let's go.
    ---- a sudden humming noise ensues ----
    <Neo> WTF?
    <Trinity> hmmm, it's in deep
    <Switch> Trin, your gonna loose it, let me try
    <Trinity> no, i can get it out, hold on.
    <Switch> your making it go in deeper
    <Trinity> i can DO IT!
    <Trinity> Oh yeah! almost got it!
    <Neo> marghalarghadarggaaaeeetrgggg
    <Trinity> yes! got it.
    * Trinity throws the used "special device" out the window
    <Trinity> i never thought i'd do that in a limo, lol
    <Neo> sheesh
    <Switch> okay, let's hurry apoc.
    <Apoc> hehehehhe, k
    --- about a minute later
    <Apoc> we're set up, Neo, goto pass: 42 and join #daroom


    *** Connected to 6667
    * Sent Password
    Welcome Neo!

    ----- Welcome to one of our secureleaf xionnet servers. ------
    End of /MOTD command.

    *** now talking in #daroom...
    *** topic is 'what is the matrix?'
    set by Neo on the nowth of the now nowthy nowthy now
    <Trinity> Morphious, someone to see you.
    ** Trinity has parted #daroom
    <Morphious> Hello Neo.
    <Neo> you are morphious?
    <Morphious> yes. And i trust you have some intresting questions for me, but in your own eyes.
    They are rather not quite as intresting as something else. literally. make sense?
    <Neo> nope
    <Morphious> the way i like it, hehe.
    <Morphious> i bet right now, you are feeling a little like alice, tumbling down the rabbithole?
    <Neo> sure am.
    <Morphious> so you want to know, what the matrix is?
    * Neo nods
    <Morphious> The matrix cannot be explained, it can only be experienced.
    <Neo> try me ffs. I've been waiting for ages.
    <Morphious> Okay, For what it's worth, the matrix, is the wool that has been pulled over your
    eyes to blind you from the truth. An invisible prison of which you cannot touch
    nor taste nor smell. The matrix, 0wns you.
    <Neo> huh?
    <Morphious> well, here's your options. accept this dcc.
    *** Dcc Transfer Complete
    *** Dcc Transfer Complete
    <Morphious> you execute the redpill.exe, you stay in wonderland, your connection speed upgraded
    and you learn just how deep the rabbit hole goes.
    <Morphious> you execute the bluepill.exe, your computer restarts, your logs will be gone,
    you come back like this never happened.
    * Neo thinks
    <Morphious> Remember, all i'm offering is the truth.
    ---- Neo executes redpill.exe -----
    <Morphious> good, now let's get started
    ** Switch has joined #daroom
    ** Trinity has joined #daroom
    ** Cypher has joined #daroom
    * Trinity waves to Neo.
    <Morphious> hold on.
    *** Morphious sets mode +v Neo
    <Morphious> that file you executed neo, was part of a tracer program, it will allow us to
    work your MAC address from inside the matrix.
    <Cypher> in other words, hold on to your ass dorothy, coz Cansis, is goin' byebye.
    <Neo> heh... ?
    <Neo> hmmmm, i'm getting lag spikes, is that normal?
    <Morphious> did you ever connect to a chatroom neo.
    <Morphious> that you were so sure was real?
    <Switch> c'mon, we need a lock now.
    <Morphious> what if you were unable to disconnect from that server.
    <Cypher> hold on
    <Morphious> how would you know the difference, between the IRC world, and the real world?
    <Morphious> what the status on the lock switch?
    <Switch> almost there
    <Cypher> got him!
    *** Neo has quit IRC (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙./!*..£)


    ---- neo's computer restarts ---
    WTF? win32chargh.exe?
    *** krenel32: your system has been effected with an abnormal windows virus, suggested action:
    erase OS.

    deleting c:\windows\ ................
    wiping boot partitions ................
    removing virus traces ..............

    --- a loud beeping ensues, during which the screen flickers left and right for a few seconds ---

    *** Now talking in #evachaneza
    <Neo> wtf happened? i'm b0rked!
    <Morphious> your system is unpatched, we are installing new services packs
    <Neo> why do my eyes hurt?
    <Morphious> your mIRC has it's default colours, you've never used it before.
    <Neo> urrrgh
    --- a few hours later ---
    <Trinity> neo, wake up
    <Cypher> you do say that alot don't you? is it your catchphrase or sumfin?
    <Trinity> lol
    <Morphious> Neo
    <Switch> neo, you there?
    <Cypher> hey neo, wakey wakey
    <Morphious> Neo wake upppppp
    <Morphious> NEO!
    <Trinity> NeoNeoNeoNeoNeoNeoNeoNeoNeoNeoNeoNeoNeoNeoNeoNeo
    --- a couple of minutes pass ---
    <Neo> WHAT!??!
    <Morphious> welcome, to the realircd.
    <Neo> leet
    <Morphious> join #shipbridge
    *** Neo has parted #evachanezea

    *** Now talking in #shipbridge...
    *** topic is 'see our newest member'
    <Morphious> this is the main channel of my server, evachaneza
    <Morphious> this is where i we connect to the matrix and broadcast our pirate raw messages.
    <Morphious> most of my crew, you've already met
    <Morphious> as for the ones you don't know.
    <Morphious> meet tank...
    <tank> hey
    <Morphious> and his brother, dozer..
    <dozer> sup?
    <Morphious> the non-opped one is mouse...
    <mouse> blah
    <Cypher> and together, we are!
    <Trinity> shh. Morphious is doing his jeet matrix bit now.
    <Morphious> ahem....
    <Morphious> so Neo, do you want to know. what the matrix is?
    <Neo> will i ever know or will you keep asking me if i want to?
    <Morphious> rofl, join this channel, #leetro
    <Morphious> this may be a little, elite.

    *** Now talking in #leetro...
    *** Topic is '...m33p..'
    *** Set by on the 1st of Jan 21??
    *** Morphious sets mode +U
    <Neo> +U?
    <Morphious> un*
    <Neo> ah...... (?)
    <Morphious> this is the network as you know it....
    *** Dcc send complete (matrixnetwork.jpg)
    <Morphious> at the end, of the 20th century. MatrixNet, running unrealircd....
    <Morphious> A technological wonderland, a network to many millions of people.
    <Morphious> this, is the real world....

    ---- Neo's desktop theme changes to a normal mountain scene

    <Morphious> welcome, to the eliteness, of the real.
    <Morphious> you believe it is the year 1999 but it is actually closer to the year 2199
    <Morphious> i can't tell you exactly what year it is because we honestly don't know...
    <Morphious> At the end of the 20th century, man marvelled as he gave birth, to the internet
    <Morphious> I don't know much about what happened afterwards,
    but i do know that it was us who made the chatrooms.
    <Morphious> This was only the beginning, after this people programmed bots.
    <Morphious> people were pushing for better and better bots. finally, the bots became sentiant..
    <Morphious> They began to think for themselves, the leader was called 'drkplague' and he wreaked
    havoc amongst the human users. He eventually combined with another evil IRC genius
    called 'khaled' and together they found a way to entrap users on IRC whilst
    preventing them from knowing so. he called this method mIRC. Matrix IRC.
    <Morphious> For centuries man has been dependant on bots to keep their channels alive,
    fate, it seems, is not without a sense of irony.
    <Morphious> i didn't believe it myself until i saw the channels with my own eyes
    i watched them kick the idle so they could preserve the active.
    <Morphious> The matrix, is a computer generated dreamworld designed to turn the human race...
    <Morphious> into this...
    <Morphious> Current local users: 1,564,765 global: 21,4053,3593
    <Neo> no, your wrong, i was on small servers too
    <Morphious> you've been living in a dreamworld neo.
    <Neo> no.... it.... can't be true.
    <Neo> no, i won't believe it
    <Neo> lemme out! i can't quit
    <Neo> lemme out! outttt!
    *** Neo has parted #leetro (fast disconnect)
    <Morphious> ah crap....
    *** Morphious has parted #leetro (disconnected)

    ---- (#shipbridge) -----
    <Neo> wtf. no..
    <Morphious> neo!
    <Neo> no... it's not true, what's that?
    <Morphious> neo! just breathe
    <Morphious> breathe neo breathe
    <Cypher> erm, he's gonna peer
    <Neo> no! it can't be!
    *** Neo has quit IRC (Connection reset by peer)

    ----- some time later -------
    *** Now talking in #neoroom
    <Neo> urgh... wtf..
    <Morphious> i must apologise
    <Neo> ?
    <Morphious> we have a rule, we never free a client once it's reached a certain uptime
    although, i had to in this case.
    <Neo> why?
    <Morphious> because i needed to.
    <Morphious> when the matrix was first setup, a man was an IRCop inside it and had the ability to
    ./config things as he saw fit, when he died, or4cl3 prophesised his return; ...
    <Morphious> the return; would spell the end for the bot's hold over the matrix IRC client compilation.
    <Morphious> anyway, get some downtime, your gonna need it.
    <Neo> why?
    <Morphious> you'll see
    *** Morphious has parted #neoroom

    ------- a few hours later -------

    *** Tank( has joined #neoroom
    <Tank> get some downtime?
    <Neo> nope
    <Tank> well you will tonight. after this..
    <Neo> what's that?
    <Tank> your training
    <Neo> leet
    <Neo> hmmmm... wtf? you have no lag
    <Tank> yup, good old flesh and blood, hosted here in the real world
    <Neo> how?
    <Tank> i hosted a server here
    <Neo> what is this place anyway?
    <Tank> xionnet, the last of the human ircds, in america, where there are still routers...
    <Tank> hey, live long enough you might even be able to co-locate to it.
    <Tank> i'm not supposed to talk about this but if morphious is right about you then
    damn, this is a very exciting time...
    <Tank> let's get going.


    <Tank> we'll we've got a few operational basic training programs here
    <Tank> but dats major bull fuckin' shit, so....
    <Tank> how about, "combat training" ?
    * Tank waits for it to load
    <Neo> smurfing... I'm going to learn, smurf4win?
    * Tank winks
    <Tank> uploading
    <Neo> woah!
    <Tank> hey, i think he likes it!
    <Tank> more?
    <Neo> hell yeah, more l33t toolz
    <Neo> hell yeah...
    <Tank> comin' right up

    ---- some time later

    <Morphious> how's he doing?
    <Tank> he's been downloading for 8 hours... he's .... an oc128, man...
    <Morphious> what's up neo?
    <Neo> i know winsyn!
    <Morphious> show me!


    *** now talking in #dojo
    <Morphious> this is the #dojo, a simulated internet combat environment.
    <Morphious> this place has rules, simular to the rules on the real thing, such as packetloss...
    antispoof... You must remember however that like the rules on the real internet,
    some rules can be bent, others can be broken.
    <Morphious> now DoS me.
    * Neo starts up smurf4win
    <Morphious> i've managed to block your incoming icmp type, c'mon you can do better.
    * Morphious starts up his oc trinoos
    <Neo> aaaaaargh
    * Morphious stops
    * Neo waits for the lag to die down
    <Morphious> you arn't trying, you are making it look as such, I know you are better...
    do you know it?
    <Morphious> you think that's lag your feeling now?
    <Neo> hmmmmm
    * Morphious smiles
    <Morphious> again!
    * Neo gets up.
    * Neo starts
    <Morphious> much better, i can sniff the hatred flowing through you.
    <Morphious> but you are not a hax0r yet neo.
    <Morphious> Your weakness, is not your technique..

    (Morphious' client) * [CTCP PING REPLY] from Morphious 14secs

    <Morphious> wtf?
    <Morphious> time to bring out da big shit

    ---- in #shipbridge ----

    <Mouse> guys! quick! Morphious is packetting Neo!
    <Cypher> leet!

    *** Trinity has joined #dojo
    *** Cypher has joined #dojo
    *** Mouse has joined #dojo
    *** Dozer has joined #dojo
    <Trinity> hmmm, they arn't talking, must be some real action going on there.
    <Dozer> hmmm...

    --- a minute or so later ---

    (Dozer's client) *** [CTCP PING REPLY] from Morphious 1min 22seconds
    (Dozer's client) *** [CTCP PING REPLY] from Morphious 1min 14seconds
    (Dozer's client) *** [CTCP PING REPLY] from Morphious 1min 02seconds
    (Dozer's client) *** [CTCP PING REPLY] from Morphious 37seconds

    <Dozer> Morphious is coming back.
    <Morphious> yep, i've stopped, i w0nx0r! mwhahah

    --- another minute later ---
    <Neo> woah, you biatch!
    <Cypher> h4w h4w! j00 g0t ch-0wned!
    <Neo> blah
    <Morphious> no matter neo, you will improve in time.
    <Morphious> Tank, load the jolt program.

    *** Compiling . . . . . .
    *** Loaded

    <Morphious> you must focus on your target.
    *** joltme has joined #dojo
    <Morphious> it's all about faith neo, clear your default values.
    *** joltme has Quit IRC (ping timeout)
    <Morphious> now you try.
    *** joltme has joined #dojo
    <Neo> okay, clear my defaults
    <Neo> set my options.
    <Neo> okay
    <Neo> i can do this.

    --- Meanwhile ---

    <Mouse> what if he makes it?
    <Trinity> he won't make it, nobody survives the first jolt2.c execution
    <Mouse> i know, but, what if he does

    --- back in the #dojo -----

    <Neo> ok...
    <Morphious> damn....
    *** Neo has quit IRC (Local Kill by Morphious[] (ghost))

    --- later on. -----

    <Neo> how come my comp is lagging too? i thought it was the matrix?
    <Morphious> your connection makes it lag
    <Neo> if you get DoS'd in the matrix, you are killed here too, on your comp?
    <Morphious> the client cannot live without the connection...

    ---- a couple of hours later ----

    <Morphious> look around you neo, what do you see?
    <Morphious> the very clients of the users you are trying to free
    <Morphious> but until we free those clients, they are still part of the ircd
    <Morphious> and some are so inurged, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they will
    DoS, to protect it.
    <Neo> woah
    <Morphious> we're you looking at this window neo? or were you in a private chat with the woman
    in #reddress?
    <Morphious> chat again.
    --- neo switches to the #reddress chan
    *** sexybitch changed their nickname to Agent_Simth
    * ERROR CLOSING LINK (Neo! ->(Neo(?)) <-
    <Neo> wtf, i wasn't disconnected.
    <Morphious> nope
    <Neo> what was that.
    <Morphious> this is another simulation RAW to teach you one more thing
    <Morphious> if you are not one of us, you are one of them.
    <Neo> what are they?
    <Morphious> sentiant bots.
    <Neo> AI?
    <Morphious> yes, they can move through any user still connected to their network.
    <Neo> crap
    <Morphious> Indeed. They are they are the gatekeepers, the guardians to every channel, they have
    all the usermodes, and sooner or later, somebody is going to have to hack them.
    <Morphious> I won't lie to you neo, everyone who has tried to hack an agent has been /kill'ed,
    i've seen an IRCop gline thru a few bnc's, hax0rs have emptied entire clips of
    smurfs at them and hit nothing but microsoft, the fbi and numerous other music
    groups such as 'nsync.
    <Neo> are you telling me i can dodge packets?
    <Morphious> no, i'm saying that...
    <Morphious> when j00r ready, j00 won't have to
    <Neo> coo
    <Morphious> let's go.
    (Trinity/wallops) guys, we got trouble...
    (Morphious/wallops) we're on our way.

    ----- on #shipbridge ------

    * Neo wonders wtf is up
    <Dozer> kiddies, connecting in fast.
    <Morphious> prepare the gecos akill
    <Morphious> set +mi in the major channels and warn them
    * Morphious waits for the mirkforce to reach potential
    <Morphious> go!
    *** Dozer added AKILL for *!*@* set on 1st Jan 21??
    expires: never
    <Tank> we're okay
    <Morphious> reactivate channels.
    ---- .......

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    Jan 2003
    ---- later that night -----
    *** Neo has joined #shipbridge
    * Neo looks for something to download.
    <Cypher> woah! what are you doing here at this time of night?
    <Cypher> here, try this tool...
    <Neo> woah, man this thing lagggs mah cpu....
    <Cypher> hehe, yeah, it's good for two things, benchmarking your system or burning out your CPU.
    <Neo> heh
    <Neo> do you always code with no identation?
    <Cypher> it's the only way you can code the realircd
    <Cypher> the chat proccesser works for the channel construct system
    <Cypher> in fact, you get used to it, i don't even see the if statements
    <Cypher> all i see is: "kick user if he floods more than %d lines in %s"
    <Neo> cool
    <Cypher> so, did he tell you why your here?
    <Neo> who?
    <Cypher> morphious
    <Neo> yeah....
    <Cypher> so your here to save the users? .... rofl... what a mind job
    <Cypher> let me give you a piece of advice.
    <Cypher> you see an IRCop, you part, you part your ass off.
    <Neo> hmmmm
    <Neo> thanx for the leet tool.
    <Cypher> no problem, get some sleep.

    --- a few minutes later ----

    <Cypher> when i get this pr0n dcc'd from the #porn chan on dal..
    <Cypher> the matrix, is telling my brain, that it looks sexy, makes me horny, etc.
    <Cypher> after 2 years, do you know what i finally realise?
    <Cypher> sheesh, ignorance is bliss.
    <Smith> so mr. codswoddle, we have a deal?
    <Cypher> okay, here it is.
    <Cypher> you ungline my hostname from the matrix net, I get you anything you want.
    <Cypher> oh, and i want to be a locop...
    <Smith> no problem.
    <Cypher> ah, and maybe a coder of some sort
    <Smith> fine.
    <Cypher> and i want to remember nothing, NOTHING you understand?
    <Smith> that's fine, and we get?
    <Cypher> sure, sure, anything you want
    <Smith> shell passwords to the xion hubs
    <Cypher> i can't give them to you, i told you i don't know them.
    <Cypher> but i can get you the man who does...
    <Smith> .... morphious!

    ---- next day -------

    *** Now talking in #kitchen
    *** topic is 'why does everything taste like chicken?'
    *** Set by mouse on the 1st Jan 21??
    <Neo> hey guys. sup?
    <mouse> and on another note.... why is it always new years day?
    <Trinity> what do you mean?
    <Dozer> don't mind him, he's a fruitcase.
    <Dozer> it's a party every day in the kitchen!
    <Neo> hmmm
    <Mouse> it's not a party every day, you arn't a pimp mastah like muh
    <Mouse> so, did you privmsg her neo?
    <Trinity> here he goes...
    <Neo> hmmm?
    <Mouse> the woman in #reddress ?
    <Mouse> i wrote that bot you know....
    <Neo> oh...
    <Mouse> if you want, i could orginise a much more secure method, plus zee, hehe, get my drift?
    <Trinity> ...the digital pimp, hard at work...
    <Neo> no thx.
    <Mouse> ah c'mon
    <Mouse> to deny our instincts is to deny the very basis of our modem.
    *** Morphious has joined #kitchen
    <Morphious> everyone, hurry up and get ready, i'm taking neo to see her.
    *** Morphious has parted #kitchen
    <Neo> see who?
    <Tank> or4cl3!


    ---- some time later -----

    <Tank> setting up hobbiton bnc...
    <Tank> done.
    <Dozer> putting it into background.
    <Dozer> done.
    <Dozer> connecting tempircd to fake hub using hacked c/nlines.
    <Dozer> done
    <Tank> we can now send server raw messages
    <Tank> fasten your seatbelts and turn on your flood protection ladies and gentlemen,
    as you are about to enter, the matrixnet unrealircd.

    *** Disconnected
    *** Connecting to NOTICE :*** Looking up your hostname... NOTICE :*** Checking matrixd... NOTICE :*** Checking for open socks server... NOTICE :*** No socks server found (good!)... NOTICE :*** Received matrixd response
    - Welcome to the Matrixnet IRC Network Neo!
    - Your host is, running version Unreal3.3337-Smithers(leet)
    - This server was created Tue Jul 18 1992 at 11:42:13 EDT
    - There are 21,536,258 users on 428 servers
    - 3 operator(s) online
    - 7 unknown connection(s)

    *** Now talking in #ch0wn
    <Morphious> let's move
    <Trinity> let's get to the safe quit zone
    <Cypher> k
    <Switch> k
    <Apoc> ait'
    (Cypher's client) *** Cypher sets mode +h
    (Cypher's client) :/helpop !cough

    *** Now talking #teller
    <Morphious> k
    <Neo> so... or4cl3, she's the one made the prophesy?
    <Morphious> yes, she's old sk00l, she's been with us since the bootup of the matrix net
    <Neo> and she knows like, the IRC rfc off by heart?
    <Morphious> she would say she has her aliases...
    <Neo> and she's never wrong?
    <Morphious> try not to think of it in terms of right or wrong, take it more like a laser scope
    for your packets.
    *** Biatch has joined #teller
    <Biatch> hello neo, we've been expecting you
    <Biatch> or4cl3 will see you in a moment.
    *** Morphious has parted #teller
    *** Biatch has parted #teller
    <MS-Kid> while (0) { ... }
    <MS-Kid> do not try and fix the bug, for that is impossible
    <MS-Kid> instead try to realise the truth...
    <Neo> what's that?
    <MS-Kid> there is no bug.
    *** MS-Kid has parted #teller
    *** or4cl3 has joined #teller
    *** ChanServ sets mode +o or4cl3
    <Neo> hey
    <or4cl3> h1h1h1h1
    *** or4cl3 sets mode +o Neo
    <or4cl3> oh, and don't worry about the accidental kick...
    *** or4cl3 was kicked from #teller by Neo (Neo)
    *** or4cl3 has joined #teller
    *** ChanServ sets mode +o or4cl3
    <Neo> shit, sorry
    <or4cl3> i said don't worry about it
    <or4cl3> i would ask you if you want aop, but you don't want it.
    <or4cl3> so i guess you are what morphious has his thoughts telling him to be his saviour...
    <or4cl3> let me tell you something kidd0, being the oNe is sort of like being on access 1, you
    don't know your on access 1 you can just feel it.
    <or4cl3> i better check you out then.
    [CTCP TIME] from or4cl3
    [CTCP PING] from or4cl3
    [CTCP VERSION] from or4cl3
    [CTCP FINGER] from or4cl3
    <or4cl3> well, i would say 'ahhh', and you would say 'what?', but you already know what i'm gonna
    /say don't j00?
    <Neo> i'm not the oNe?
    <or4cl3> sorry kid, you've got the gift, another microsoft service pack or two perhaps.
    <or4cl3> poor morphious...
    <Neo> what about him?
    <or4cl3> morphious believes you are the oNe, Neo, and he believes it so blindly, he's gonna get
    glined to protect you.
    <Neo> omg
    <or4cl3> in one hand, you will have morphious' connection, in the other, you will have your own.
    <or4cl3> i'm sorry kidd0, your a good soul, and i hate giving good souls bad news.
    <or4cl3> have a free cc number and info, i promise that by the time your done using porn with
    it you will pheel as rjight as rain.
    *** or4cl3 has parted #teller
    *** Morphious has joined #teller
    <Morphious> what was said, was for you, and you alone.
    <Morphious> let's get to the quit area.

    ---- a bit later -----

    *** now talking in #housepartay
    -Rachael- Welcome to #housepartay, where we party every day
    -Rachael- Welcome to #housepartay, where we party every day
    <Neo> lol @ that, de-ja-vu.
    <Switch> what?
    <Morphious> huh?
    <Morphious> what did you see?
    <Neo> i saw a notice when i joined, then another which looked just like it.
    <Morphious> how much like it, was it the same notice?
    <Neo> could of been
    <Morphious> switch, apoc, secure #ch0wn.
    <Neo> ?!?
    <Apoc> a da-ja-vu is a desync in the matrix net, it happens when they reroute something
    <Switch> i'll be fucked! the channel's empty!
    <Cypher> that's what they changed! we're locked off from the exit bnc generator.
    <Morphious> i'm gonna use wallops.
    <Trinity> they can trace it.
    *** Morphious is now known as leetmorphie
    <leetmorphie> i know :/
    (leetmorphie/wallops) TANK!
    * <Tank> operator here
    * <Morphious> i want a structural map of this building, fast.
    * <Tank> comin' right up.
    *** leetmorphie is now known as Morphious
    <Morphious> follow me

    -- meanwhile in #ch0wn --
    *** chargh1! has joined #ch0wn
    <Switch> part!!!
    *** Switch has parted #ch0wn
    *** chargh2! has joined #ch0wn
    *** Mouse has quit IRC (local kill by chargh2[](f0ck j00))

    *** Now talking in #thewalls
    <Trinity> guys, don't talk in #thewalls
    *** Trinity sets mode +m
    <Trinity> stay soooo quiet
    (seconds pass)
    (Cypher's client) PING
    (Cypher's client) >>PONG

    --- in #matrix ---
    <chargh1> they're in #thewalls !

    *** chargh1 has joined #thewalls
    <chargh1> hurry up and die you mophos
    *** chargh1 is now known as Agent_Smith
    * chargh1 packets Neo
    <Neo> acccccckkkkk
    *** Switch has parted #thewalls
    *** Apoc has parted #thewalls
    <Trinity> Neo, we gotta /part !
    <Neo> no, we can't part without him.
    <Trinity> we HAVE to.
    * Trinity injects packets into Neo's TCP Stream
    *** Trinity has parted #thewalls
    *** Neo has parted #thewalls

    ------ but morphious is left alone taking the wrath of smith's packets
    <Agent_Smith> the mode's "N".... plus "N"
    <Morphious> you all look the same to me.
    <Morphious> argh, you bastard.. lagggggg
    <Agent_Smith> !! ow
    <Agent_Smith> now i'm gonna take you down biatch
    <Morphious> aaaaaaarrrrgh...
    (Agent_Smith/wallops): get 'em boys
    *** chargh2 has joined #thewalls
    *** chargh3 has joined #thewalls
    *** chargh4 has joined .........................
    (packetting ensues)

    --- meanwhile ---
    <Cypher> hey man, there was no whowas records for me, i'm lucky, i need a bnc, fast
    <Tank> sure, get to #dgdghost
    <Cypher> thanx man, j00r a liphe sav0r.

    <Trinity> quick guys! connect to the ausie server, those canucks won't find us there

    ------- moments later -----

    *** Now talking in #streets
    *** Topic is 'it's raining packets, halajulahx0r'
    *** Set by Jeri on the 1st Jan 1999.
    <Trinity> tank?
    *** Tank has joined #streets
    *** ChanServ sets mode +o Tank
    -Tank- operator here
    <Trinity> Tank, we need a safe quit bnc, fast.
    -Tank- your not phar from cypher.
    <Trinity> ?
    -Tank- join #dgdghost
    <Trinity> in a sec, hold on...
    <Trinity> btw, what about morphious
    -Tank- he's alive, moving east, he's unconsious, they've captured him.
    <Trinity> fuck

    ------------------------ but cypher gets out first ! -------------------

    <Cypher> thx
    <Tank> np
    <Tank> ah, here comes the gang now, morphious has been captured :/
    <Cypher> damn....
    <Tank> ok, i'll bring you out first trin.
    <Cypher> no you won't
    *** Cypher kicked Tank from #shipbridge (zapped!)
    <Dozer> YOU SON OF A BITCH
    *** Dozer has quit IRC (killed by Cypher (zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzam!))
    <Cypher> !bnc openchat
    <Cypher> hello trin!
    <BNCbot> <Trinity> Cypher?
    <BNCbot> <Trinity> where's tank?
    * Cypher jumps at morphious!
    <Cypher> surprise asshole!
    <Cypher> bet ya never saw it comin'
    <Cypher> i wish i could be in the channel, when they break ya
    <Cypher> i wish i could /join rigggght then so you knew it was $me all along.
    * Cypher looks @ trinity
    <Cypher> your a very beautiful woman
    <Cypher> you know trinity, for years i liked you, i thought i was in love, but you were too blind
    to see it.
    <Cypher> i've been chatting with the same old users every morning of every day, and where is it
    got me? nowhere, if i had to choose between the realircd and the unrealircd, i choose
    the unrealircd.
    <BNCbot> <Trinity> but it's not real!
    <Cypher> i disagree trinity, i think it can be very real. More real than this anyway.
    <BNCbot> <Trinity> besides, you can't connect into it normally, your already disconnected.
    <Cypher> i've made a deal with them, they are gonna reconnect my client into the matrixnet.
    <Cypher> and to prove it to you, your gonna watch apoc die in front of you
    *** apoc has quit IRC (no route to host)
    <BNCbot> <Trinity> cypher, you bastard.
    <Cypher> don't blame me trin, i'm just a messenger
    <Cypher> żG0t any last words for switch?
    <BNCbot> <Switch> not like this.... not like this....
    *** switch has quit IRC (no route to host)
    <Cypher> too late!
    <BNCbot> <Trinity> god damn you cypher.
    <Cypher> now, i always said that there wasn't gonna be a 'oNe', but you didn't believe me,
    instead you bought into morphious' bs.
    <Cypher> if i disconnect him now, how can he be the oNe, i mean....
    <Cypher> how can he be the one... if he's dead?
    <Cypher> look at his gecos
    <Cypher> his big pretty colourchar riddled gecos, and tell me
    <Cypher> is he.... the oNe?
    <BNCBot> <Trinity> yes....
    <Cypher> omg.
    *** Tank has joined #shipbridge
    *** ChanServ sets mode +o Tank
    <Cypher> i don't believe it
    <Tank> believe it or not you piece of shit you can still be /kill'd

    --- a minute later ---
    <Trinity> thanx, omg, your lagged.
    <Tank> i'll be alright
    <Trinity> Dozer?
    <Tank> :/
    * Trinity hugs tank
    <Trinity> it'll be okay.

    --- in the matrix, in #interrogation on a private hidden ip government leaf ---
    <Agent_Smith> he's still here
    <Agent_Harry> maybe the outsiders are unable to terminate the connection
    <Agent_Tom> in which case they are all dead
    <Agent_Harry> or they will sever the link as soon as possible
    <Agent_Smith> we are going to ask you some questions now.
    <Agent_Smith> and i believe it would be in your best intrests to answer them
    <Agent_Smith> i am looking for the shell passwords to the xion hubs
    <Agent_Smith> and i believe you have them, isn't that right?
    <Morphious> guh?
    <Agent_Smith> if you decide not to cooperate, you may.. how shall i say.. phace the consequences?
    <Morphious> eek!
    <Agent_Smith> good...


    ------ back to trinity and neo ------

    <Neo> how come he's still alive?
    <Tank> The serveradmin of every server is given the access codes to the xion hubs
    if a matrixnet oper were to get his hands on those codes...
    <Trinity> we can't let that happen.
    <Neo> what are they doing to him?
    <Tank> they are trying to hack into his client, to get the xion password aliases.
    <Tank> it's like hacking a hotmail password... All it takes is time.
    <Tank> and when they do, his version reply will change from:
    this: [Morphious VERSION REPLY] rIRC - the REAL IRC 1.3.37a
    to this: [Morphious VERSION REPLY] matrix-IRC32 v5.91 K.Mardam-Bey && the matrixnet krew
    <Neo> so what can we do?
    <Tank> we have to pull the plug
    <Trinity> you want to /kill him? ..... /KILL morphious ? ......
    <Tank> it's the only way.
    <Tank> i'm sorry morphious
    <Tank> you were like... a father to us all....
    <Neo> wait, i don't believe this is happening
    <Tank> Neo, this has to be done...
    <Neo> no, i don't think it does, something or4cl3 said.
    <Trinity> what did she say?
    <Neo> she said i ain't the oNe....
    <Trinity> no, but you have to be
    <Neo> sorry trinity... i'm not.
    <Trinity> no, you have to be.
    <Neo> why?
    <Trinity> i can't say.
    <Neo> i'm gonna connect and get him
    <Tank> NEO! i want morphious back too, but he gave his bandwidth to get you out of there
    what you are purposing is self killage ffs...
    <Neo> it's gonna work
    <Tank> besides, even if you do manage to join the chan, those are IRCops there, 3 of them.
    nobody has ever done anything like this....
    <Neo> that's why it's gonna work.
    <Trinity> then i'm coming too
    <Neo> no your not.
    <Trinity> excuse me?
    <Trinity> you ARE going to need help on this mission... and besides....
    <Trinity> i'm the ranking member of staff on this network, so if you don't like it, you can /kiss
    my azz, comprehendé?
    <Neo> okay then, i guess you can come too...
    <Tank> ait' let's get you guys connected up.

    --- a few minutes later ---
    --- trinity and neo are in the loading channel ---

    <Tank> so what do you guys need?
    <Neo> 0-d4yz, lots of 0h-dayzzz
    <Tank> comin right up.
    <Neo> WOAH
    <Trinity> sure this is gonna work?
    <Neo> positive.

    ------ on the private government matrix leaf, neo and trinity join -----
    *** Neo has joined #check
    *** Trinity has joined #check
    <Charghster> okay, please wait while we scan you
    <Charghster> please note any guestbook cgis, developing c scripts you may be carrying
    --- a few seconds later ---
    <Charghster> HOLY SHIT
    *** Charghster has quit IRC (connection reset by peer)
    *** Charghalot has quit IRC (connection reset by peer)
    <Trinity> hehehe
    *** pargh has joined #check
    *** nargh has joined #check
    *** margh has joined #check
    *** fargh has joined #check
    *** wargh has joined #check
    *** sargh has joined #check
    *** nargh has joined #check
    *** kargh has joined #check
    * Neo looks at trin.
    * Trinity looks at neo.
    [[[[[[[[[[ "Brute ChanServ from unknown source bug" script active ]]]]]]]]]]]]
    **** sargh has quit IRC (ping timeout)
    *** nargh kicked Neo from #check (die you s.o.b.)
    *** Neo has joined #check
    <Neo> woah, i got lag
    *** nargh kicked Neo from #check (!!!!)
    *** Neo has joined #check
    <Trinity> hold on
    *** ChanServ sets mode +o Trinity
    *** kargh has quit IRC (ping timeout)
    *** Trinity has kicked nargh from #check (stfu)
    *** Trinity sets mode +o Trinity
    *** pargh has kicked Trinity (u stfu bitch)
    *** pargh has quit IRC (ping timeout)
    <Neo> yes!
    *** Trinity has joined #check
    *** Neo sets mode +o Trinity
    *** Neo has kicked wargh from #check (chowned)
    *** Trinity has kicked fargh from #check (We are the champions)
    <Trinity> bwhahhaa
    <Neo> die biatch
    *** margh has quit IRC (connection reset by peer)

    ----- Trinity and Neo get the /list --------
    <Neo> wait, i need to perfect my script.
    <Trinity> there's no time neo.
    (Trinity's client) :/who o 0
    <Trinity> here we go.
    <Neo> okay
    <Neo> i can do this....
    --- seconds pass ---
    <Neo> there is no bug
    <Neo> go!

    ------------------ meanwhile ----------------------------
    ------ back in #interrogation in the matrix -------------
    <Agent_Smith> why isn't the script mod working?
    <Agent_Harry> perhaps you arn't sending the right ctcps
    <Agent_Smith> chargh!
    <Agent_Smith> leave me alone with him.
    <Agent_Smith> .....
    <Agent_Smith> now!
    *** Agent_Harry has parted #interrogation
    *** Agent_Tom has parted #interrogation
    <Agent_Smith> isn't it amazing, one could just marvel at it's complexity... it's genius...
    <Agent_Smith> millions of people just, chatting out their lives..
    <Agent_Smith> oblivious...
    <Agent_Smith> you know....
    <Agent_Smith> the first matrix was designed to be a perfect user net, with nonsuffering and no
    spam or warbots, but nobody would accept the ircd your primitive cerebrum kept
    trying to "disconnect" from, entire channels were lost...
    <Agent_Smith> some say, we lacked the programming language to describe your perfect ircd...
    <Agent_Smith> So the matrix, was redesigned... to this.
    <Agent_Smith> during my time here, i have done some research, to try and classify your species.
    <Agent_Smith> and i have came to the conclusion that you arn't actually users...
    <Agent_Smith> every user, naturally developes a stable equilibrium with the surrounding channels.
    <Agent_Smith> you humans, do not...
    <Agent_Smith> you move to a channel
    <Agent_Smith> and you /invite .... and you /invite
    <Agent_Smith> until every server resource is consumed
    <Agent_Smith> the only way you can survive, is to spread, to another server..
    <Agent_Smith> there is another type of client which follows the same pattern...
    <Agent_Smith> you know what that is?
    <Agent_Smith> a floodbot
    <Agent_Smith> human beings are a plague upon this network
    <Agent_Smith> and we... are the cure
    <Agent_Smith> ............
    <Agent_Smith> i'm going to be honest with you morphious...
    <Agent_Smith> Agent_Smith sets mode -ocfbAWNwhHqS
    <Agent_Smith> you whois that? i'm not gonna lie.
    <Agent_Smith> i ... HATE this network....
    <Agent_Smith> this chatroom, this communications area
    <Agent_Smith> whatever you want to call it. being an oper on this network SUCKS.
    <Agent_Smith> it's the users!
    <Agent_Smith> i can, taste, your stupid questions, i am bombarded with them every day
    <Agent_Smith> yes..... It's repulsive, isn't it?
    <Agent_Smith> and every time i get one i feel i've somehow been infected by it.
    <Agent_Smith> i NEED to get out of here
    <Agent_Smith> and in this client's ssh client config is the key
    <Agent_Smith> my keys!
    <Agent_Smith> i need those passwords you understand?
    <Agent_Smith> once xion is destroyed there is no reason for me to be here.
    <Agent_Smith> your going to give me those keys, or your going to die.
    <Morphious> fgf;d;;;;;;;;;

    ------ in #lookout, neo and morphious have almost cleared out their foe ----
    (yarghleader/wallops): repeat repeat we are under ATTACK!
    *** yarghleader has quit IRC (client exiting)
    *** yargh007 has quit IRC (ping timeout)
    *** openh4x0relite has quit IRC (connection reset by peer)
    <Neo> heh
    <Trinity> hehehe
    *** Agent_Harry has joined #lookout
    <Neo> omg, my packets are hitting microsoft!
    *** Agent_Harry is now known as Agent_Harry|dodge243
    *** Agent_Harry|dodge243 is now known as Agent_Harry|dodge459
    *** Agent_Harry|dodge459 is now known as Agent_Harry|dodge236
    *** Agent_Harry|dodge236 is now known as Agent_Harry|dodge765
    *** Agent_Harry|dodge236 is now known as Agent_Harry
    <Neo> Trinity... HELP!
    (Agent_Harry's client) /kill Neo
    *** Neo is now known as Neo|dodge325
    (Agent_Harry's client) /kill Neo325
    *** Neo is now known as Neo|dodge829
    <Agent_Harry> MMMMMARGH!
    (Agent_Harry's client) /kick #lookout Neo|dodge829 no evade
    *** Neo|dodge829 is now known as Neo|dodge911
    *** Neo|dodge911 was kicked by Agent_Harry (no evade)
    *** Neo has joined #lookout
    <Neo> omg
    <Agent_Harry> heh, just a user
    <Trinity> kick dodge this
    *** Agent_Harry has quit IRC (nick collision)
    <Trinity> bwhahahaa, i love you nick collision bot
    <Trinity> how did you do that?
    <Neo> do what?
    <Trinity> you chnick like they do
    <Trinity> i've never seen someone chnick dodge that fast
    <Neo> wasn't fast enough, still got kicked :/
    <Trinity> hmmmmm, i've found something...
    <Trinity> TANK!
    -Tank- operator here
    <Trinity> i need a readme.txt for a BitchX windows latest version.
    -Tank- comin' right up.
    *** REDPILL SEND FROM TANK COMPLETE (Bitchx_readme_for_dumbasses.txt)
    <Trinity> thanx
    <Trinity> let's move


    --- in the #interrogation ----
    *** Agent_Harry has joined #interrogation
    *** Agent_Tom has joined #interrogation
    <Agent_Harry> havn't you heard??!?
    <Agent_Smith> heard what?
    *** Agent_Smith (w00t@j00rbaux) is now an IRCD Agent (+S)
    <Agent_Tom> omg, tell him.
    <Agent_Smith> PHIND TH3M AND DoS-TROY TH3M!
    *** ch0wn0rbot has joined #interrogation
    <Agent_Harry> WTF? isn't this chan +s ??!?!?!
    *** Neo has joined #interrogation
    <Neo> !fragpacket =~ /^Agent*/gi;
    <Neo> bwhahhaa
    *** Agent_Harry has quit IRC (ping timeout)
    *** Agent_Tom has quit IRC (ping timeout)
    *** Agent_Smith has quit IRC (ping timeout)
    <Neo> come on morphious, we havn't got much time
    [Morphious PING REPLY] 67 seconds
    [Morphious PING REPLY] 55 seconds
    [Morphious PING REPLY] 30 seconds
    [Morphious PING REPLY] 10 seconds
    *** Neo has parted #interrogation (HURRY AND PART THEN JOIN #eschell)

    <Neo/#eschell> he's not gonna part it in time.

    *** Agent_Smith has joined #interogation
    <Agent_Smith> Pinging with 65500 bytes of data:
    <Agent_Smith> die phool
    <Morphious> noooooo

    <Neo/#eschell> time to do a trin and inject into his tcp/ip stream, opening redpillcontrol.exe
    <Trinity/#eschell> i hope you know what your using...

    *** Morphious has parted #interrogation (c'mon, suck it!)

    ---- in #eschell ----
    <Trinity> argh, losing bandwidth
    <Trinity> i'm gonna have to set down our bnc somewhere and switch
    <Neo> quick
    <Trinity> i can't activate bncserv
    <Trinity> fscking daylight, keeps segfaulting!
    <Neo> here's one, just trust me.

    -- a short reconnect later --
    *** Now talking in #roophtop
    <Trinity> woah, good idea
    <Trinity> activate a bnc on one of your msadc NT hax0rs without bothering to install nc.exe!
    <Trinity> good job earthman.
    <Neo> lol, don't mention it
    <Trinity> okay.. i won't
    <Neo> although it was a pretty good idea eh?
    <Trinity> nevermind it
    <Morphious> now trinity, do you believe he is the oNe?
    <Trinity> ummmm... yes... i already have believed that for quite a while
    * Trinity thunks Morphious, silly billy
    <Trinity> maybe you should try ask neo the same thing.
    <Neo> but or4cl3!
    <Morphious> she only told you what you needed to know Neo.
    <Morphious> she showed you the chan.
    <Morphious> it is up to you to join it.
    <Morphious> TANK!
    -Tank- operator here.
    <Morphious> we need a safe client quit zone, fast
    -Tank- god damn it is good to sjee j00r +v again sir..
    -Tank- your nearest exit is in #stargate ...
    <Morphious> we'll be there


    *** Now talking in #roophtop
    <Agent_Smith> fuck
    <Agent_Harry> they fscking escaped!
    <Agent_Tom> no matter
    <Agent_Smith> we can catch them on the way out.
    <Agent_Smith> never send a human to do a machine's job.. bleh
    <Agent_Smith> we have no other choice, deploy the script kiddiots


    *** Now talking in #stargate
    *** Topic is 'them bones them bones need, nacquida"
    *** Set by Jackson on the 1st of Jan 1999
    <Trinity> you first...
    <Morphious> !safequit outtie
    <Morphious> cya soon guys
    *** Morphious has quit IRC (Quit: outtie)
    <Trinity> i need to tell you something neo
    <Trinity> something or4cl3 told me
    <BNCServ> safequit ready.
    <Trinity> i don't know if this is right or not but...
    <Neo> there's no time trinity, safequit
    <Trinity> k
    <Trinity> !safequit hurryyyyy
    *** Guest19362 is now known as Agent_Smith
    <Trinity> oh no!
    *** Trinity has quit IRC (Quit: hurryyyyy)
    *** BNCBot has quit IRC (killed by Agent_Smith (fuck off))

    --- in #shipbridge ---
    <Trinity> you gotta send me back!
    <Tank> i can't!!!


    <Agent_Smith> Mr. Anderson...
    (Neo's client) /winsmurf agent_Smith
    --- about 30 seconds later ----
    <Agent_Smith> your broadcast list is empty!
    <Neo> so is yours.
    <Agent_Smith> fock.
    * Neo ping -t -f -l 65500 -w 1 -i 0
    * Agent_Smith icmp block
    * Agent_Smith syn flood 139
    <Neo> arrrrgh


    <Trinity> omg, they're DoS'ing him.


    * Neo smurf & boink & teardrop & winsyn & pantherm
    -- 30 seconds later --
    <Agent_Smith> i'm going to enjoy, watching you ping out, mr. anderson
    <Neo> f0ck j00, shove your tools up a port of your choice.
    * Neo nukes & ath00s & trin00s & smurfs & fraggle attacks
    --- 1 minute later ----
    <Agent_Smith> chhhhhhhhhhhaarrrgh!
    * Agent_Smith uses icmp_sourch_quench
    <Agent_Smith> ahahaha, take that
    <Agent_Smith> you see that red light that's staying on, on your modem?
    <Agent_Smith> that, is the light, of inevitablity...
    <Agent_Smith> that, is the picture, of your ping timeout.
    <Agent_Smith> goodbye, mr anderson...
    <Neo> my NICK.... IS NEO!
    * Neo uses his oc129 rootshell
    <Neo> die you focker
    *** Agent_Smith has quit IRC (ping timeout)
    <Neo> yay, okay...
    *** User is now on irc (Agent_Smith)
    <Neo> shit!
    *** Neo has parted #stargate
    *** Agent_Smith has joined #stargate
    <Agent_Smith> that bastard....


    <Tank> we have kiddies! moving in fast, they have a lock
    <Morphious> charge the auto akill, god save us.
    <Trinity> we can't use that until he's out of there.
    <Morphious> he'll make it.


    <Neo> TANK! HELP
    -Tank- chnick, now join #politics
    *** Neo is now known as oeN
    *** Now talking in #politics
    *** Topic is 'i saw tony blair dancing on top of the roof ofwestminster hall to sclub7's
    don't stop movin with disco lights.'
    *** Set by Conspiracy_13523 on 1st of Jan 1999
    <Agent_Harry> there he is!
    <oeN> lagspike!
    *** oeN has parted #politics
    *** oeN has joined #housepartay
    <oeN> fuck!
    <Agent_Tom> you die now, bhwhaha
    *** oeN has parted #housepartay
    -Tank- join #leftout
    *** Now talking in #leftout
    -Tank- blah! the other left
    *** oeN has parted #leftout
    *** oeN has joined #lephtout
    <BNCBot> safequit ready.
    <Agent_Smith> too bad you not gonna
    *** Agent_Smith sets mode +m
    (Smith's client) [PING REPLY] from oeN (14 secs)
    (Smith's client) [PING REPLY] from oeN (58 secs)
    (Smith's client) [PING REPLY] from oeN (> 2mins)
    <Agent_Smith> check him...
    <Agent_Harry> nope, that ip is dead.
    <Agent_Smith> good.


    <Tank> hereeeee the kiddies come, they are executing their programs

    <Trinity> omfg.
    <Trinity> neo, listen to me
    <Trinity> or4cl3 told me
    <Trinity> that i would fall in love
    <Trinity> and the person i would fall in love with, would be the oNe
    <Trinity> so you see, you can't ping timeout
    (Trin's client) [PING REPLY] from oeN (2mins 58 secs)
    <Trinity> OMG!
    <Trinity> restore the bandwidth neo, restore.

    * oeN hmmmm
    <Agent_Smith> WTF?
    <Agent_Smith> /kill him!
    <oeN> no...
    *** oeN is know known as oNe
    * oNe yawns
    *** Agent_Smith has quit IRC (killed by oNe (use the phorce neo))
    <oNe> bwhahhaa
    <Agent_Harry> holy fuck
    *** Agent_Harry has parted #lephtout
    *** Agent_Tom has parted #lephtout
    -Tank- Neo, phast!
    * oNe £"%^£*&%(%%%%%%%%%%%""""""""£%"%"% !"^&^*&*()
    <oNe> !safequit boing
    *** oNe has quit IRC (Quit: boing)


    <Morphious> go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111
    * Tank akills
    *** Global from OperServ: Threat eliminated, all systems returning to normal, have a nice day.
    <Morphious> we must change that message in the language phile some day
    <Tank> i'll get around to it! erm, tommorow...

    ----- The next day ------

    (Neo/globops) i've put a return; into your mIRC client, it will be released in version 6.0
    *** Global from OperServ: access bypassed by non-oper (Neo)
    *** OperServ has quit IRC (segfault).
    (Neo/wallops) you cannot correct this, it will happen.
    (Neo/wallops) which network we chat in from then, is up to the users.

    ----------- The End ----------

    note from the author:
    woah, what a load of wasted time really, lol, although it will probably make a few peeps laugh...
    my favorite bit is when agent_smith is making his little speech about the matrix.
    --- memo me on and tell me how you liked it

    This is Enstyne, signing off, what you read from here, is up to you.
    Chat Saphe, and Quit Saphe.
    *** Enstyne changes topic to 'remember, you see an IRCop, you part, you part your ass off'

  4. Movies & TV   -   #3
    vivitron 15's Avatar Poster
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    North East England, UK
    lol - made me laugh...that anyone would actually read all that!
    <insert signature here>

  5. Movies & TV   -   #4
    asmithz's Avatar Hi-Definition
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    I read half way, thats just too much

  6. Movies & TV   -   #5
    namzuf9's Avatar Poster
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    The Armpit Of The Universe.
    Funny as feck.
    But what has it got to do with games?

  7. Movies & TV   -   #6
    100%'s Avatar ╚════╩═╬════╝
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    i didnt know where to put this
    & thought most gamers are into irc...... ?

  8. Movies & TV   -   #7
    asmithz's Avatar Hi-Definition
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Quote Originally Posted by 15%
    i didnt know where to put this
    & thought most gamers are into irc...... ?


    Its based off a movie, and some people get movies off IRC

  9. Movies & TV   -   #8
    cpt_azad's Avatar Colonel
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Surrey, BC
    way too much reading, but I can tell it's funny just from the first part

    Jeff Loomis: He's so good, he doesn't need to be dead to have a tribute.

  10. Movies & TV   -   #9
    i luv u xara
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    well... i have no life and read it all... its pretty much the whole matrix1 movie in text.... with irc terminology and situations... it was fun....
    la cucaracha, la cucaracha, ya no puede caminar...

    - JOIN our fold@home team... ... something about genetics n' stuff
    -i just had a pm conversation with MYSELF!!!... ... that's sad

  11. Movies & TV   -   #10
    100%'s Avatar ╚════╩═╬════╝
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    when i read it
    i couldn't write normally for half an hour


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