fantastical stories.

**TheDave** · 12-31-2004, 03:49 PM

yesterday i was taking the dog for a walk.

we'd just got to the top of the hill when i saw an old lady having a fight with a foulmouthed young man wearing a bandana. when i went closer i saw he was a wanted criminal and was actually mugging her. i uppercutted him into a tree where luckily for him he was out of reach of me.

unfortunately for me he had his mobile and phoned his homies, after about 15 seconds they got off the train. there were 14 of them in total, introduced themselves as JR and the lucky thirteen (JR was up the tree).

so then i had to do some crazy bullet time stuff and fight them, luckily the old lady could fight too. anyway i gave the cat orders to scratch strips of bark from a nearby tree which i used to tie up the stunned gangstas

after spending 3 months under a witness protection scheme the mayor thought i was hard enough to handle myself and come back to town. he gave me a george cross in a ceremony last saturday.

you aren't allowed to tell anybody about this though

**Snee** · 12-31-2004, 03:58 PM

Cll, I like totally believe you.

**Cheese** · 12-31-2004, 03:59 PM

Something similar happened to me...

Last night I heard a train going out of control on the tracks so I chased after it down the street and managed to stop it by cleverly inserting magnets under the wheels. Turns out an international thief posing as a terrorist was trying to steal the train.

Then the next week the international fake terrorist, Wilhelm Gruber, abducted my sister and held her to ransom. I enlisted the help of my good friends Batman and Aquaman and we went down to Gruber's base in Cornwall. His base was guarded by robot ninja dogs but they were no match for us.

After an apocolyptic battle we defeated Gruber by combining all our powers and becoming Aquacheesebat, this left us very drained so we have been in hospital all of this morning. I had sex with 15 of the hot female nurses.

The Queen has just emailed me to let me know that I have just been put to the top of the New Year's Honours list and that she is going to make me a prince. I might also be in with a shot of boning her and they do say old birds are more experienced...