A father asked his 10-year-old son if he knew about "the birds and the bees."
"I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you
won't tell me."
Confused, the father asked what was wrong.
"Dad," the boy sobbed, "when I was 6 I got the 'there's no Santa' speech At
7, I got the 'there's no Easter Bunny' speech. When I Was 8, you hit me with
the 'there's no Tooth Fairy' speech."
"I don't understand why you are bringing those things up," said the father.
"Don't you see, Dad?" explained the boy. "If you tell me that grown-ups
don't really fuck, I'll have nothing left to live for!"
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "arthritis."