On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!
On a bag of chips:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(Hmmm... must be a shoplifter's special!
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(And that would be how?)
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(You don't HAVE to defrost it, it's 'just' a suggestion!
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessertprinted on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! You lose!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time? Whose body are they talking about, exactly?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds out of cards and off of those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One can only hope!
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: Keep out of children.
(Did something get lost in translation?...)
On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)
On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: Contains nuts.
(What? No peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.
(Somebody was paid big bucks to write this one...)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)
On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, just like the clothing manufactureres to spoil all the fun by destroying a universal childhood belief.)