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Thread: In the beginning

  1. #1
    hippychick's Avatar Memo, what memo? BT Rep: +5
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    In a State Of Confusion
    In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the
    Earth with broccoli, cauliflower, and spinach, green and yellow and red
    vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy

    Then, using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and
    Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And
    Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some
    sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

    And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that
    found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and
    sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size

    So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented
    Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman
    unfastened their belts following the repast.

    God then said, "I have sent you heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil in
    which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep-fried fish and
    chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more
    weight and his
    cholesterol went through the roof.

    God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake,"
    said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's

    God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those
    extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would
    not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried
    before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

    Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with
    nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy
    center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

    God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still
    satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its $ .99 double
    cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes!
    And super-size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into
    cardiac arrest.

    God sighed and created quadruple-bypass surgery.

    Then Satan created HMOs.

    A thought for the day ....

    There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on
    Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040 there should be a large
    elderly population with perky boobs, and huge erections, and absolutely no
    recollection of what to do with them.

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  3. Funny S**t   -   #2
    cpt_azad's Avatar Colonel
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Surrey, BC

    Jeff Loomis: He's so good, he doesn't need to be dead to have a tribute.


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