Best of the best Family Guy Quotes

[pusher]

Meg: whistling her birdcalls
Big Bird: Yeah? What do you want? You called me right?
Meg: Oh, no. I wasn't calling you. (laughs nervously)
Big Bird: Oh, oh, this is funny to you? Y-yeah? Y-you know what pain in the ass is to get across town this time a day, huh?... I don't fly you know. I take the subway like everbody else. Oh and people don't stare. You make me puke,
[spits]
bitch
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Stewie: Ah yes, 867-5309, that's it. No wait, that's not it. Damn you, Tommy Tutone! Alright, there's only one thing left to do, 111-1111. Lois? Damn. 111-1112. Lois? Damn! 111-1113
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(This isn't the exact quote)
Stewie: I said egg-whites only! Are you trying to give me a bloody heatattack!? Make it again!
(later in an interview)
Ah... The breakfast thing. Yes. It wasn't even about the eggs, really. Frankly, I like the yolks. I don't... I have no problem.... It's just there's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me. And it's not so much I want to "kill" her. It's just I want her not to be alive anymore. Uh... I sometimes wonder if all women are this difficult. And then I think to myself, "My God! Wouldn't it be marvelous if I turned out to be a homosexual?"

[Monkeee]

News Lady: So what do you think about the Griffins?
Quagmire: They're Lying cheating basturds!
Quagmire: Well ALRIGHT!!!!
Quagmire: wait wait a minute! its not ALRIGHT!!

[pusher]

News Lady: So what do you think about the Griffins?
Quagmire: They're Lying cheating basturds!
Quagmire: Well ALRIGHT!!!!
Quagmire: wait wait a minute! its not ALRIGHT!!

Quagmire: Why hello, lips, legs, breasts, and ass!

[Monkeee]

Quagmire: How Old are you
High School Girl: 16
Quagmire: 18!?!?
Quagmire: Your First!
High School Girl: Mom!!!
Quagmire. I Like where this is going...
Quagmire: Gigity Gigty G-I-G-I-T-Y

[cpt_azad]

lol that's awesome

Quagmire: Heh, hey baby, show me the lower eastside
Chick/Guy: (in man's voice) Well hey there cutie.
Quagmire: AHHH! Transvasite, backoff!..............Wait pre-op or post-op?
Chick/Guy: (in man's voice) Pre-op.
Quagmire: AHHH! Transvasite, backoff!

----------

Quagmire: Ok ok, try me now.
Brian: Lets see here...you ate a chicken pasta, went to a Sheraton hotel where you made love to 2 phillipino women and one phillipino man.
Quagmire: Hahaha, you mean 3 phillipino women.
Brian: ..............
Quagmire: .....Oh god, oh god......oh dear god.... (runs away)

[joker23]

not sure how it goes but when stewie is eating infront of chris when hes on a diet and stewie starts moaning " YES YES OH GOD YES........OH GOD" and so on then brian says" ill have what hes having".... sumthing like that that part is sooooo funny!!!

[cpt_azad]

"it's practically orgasmic"

[Monkeee]

Stewy: O Gawd Its like an ORGY in my mouth

[Rip The Jacker]

When Stewie is all fat and eating ice cream outside...

"Damn you ice cream. Come to my mouth. How dare you disobey me... What are you looking at? Damn you all... and such.... zzzzzzzz."

[cpt_azad]

ya it goes like this:

Stewie: "Damn you, ice cream, come to my mouth. How dare you disobey me!
What are you looking at, you infantile, stupid, that's right, damn you and such. You can go (yawning) burn in hell."

than the ice cream falls on his stomach