Two buddies, Keith and Nick, are getting very drunk at a bar when
suddenly Nick throws up all over himself.
"Oh, no. Now Dianna will kill me!"
Keith says, "Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast
and tell Dianna that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty
dollars
for the dry cleaning bill."
So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.
Eventually, Nick rolls into home and Dianna starts to give him a bad
time.
"You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself! My God,
you're
disgusting!"
Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, Nick says, "Nowainaminit, I
can e'splain everythin! Itsh not wha jew think. I only had a cupla
drrrinks. But thiss other guy got ssick on me . . . he had one too
many
and he juss couldin hold hizz liquor. He said he was verrry sorry an'
put twennie bucks in my pocket for the cleaning bill!"
Dianna looks in the breast pocket and says, "But this is forty
bucks?!"
"Oh, yeah...I almos' fergot, he shhhit in my pants, too.
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lmfao that's sick but freakin hilarious 
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