Farts

[hippychick]

The Drag and Drop Fart - This is a fart in which the farter farts a considerable distance from his fart, yet by some mysterious force, the fart manages to trail him until the destination is reached. This one is common when you fart in the halls and the smell ends up in the classroom. Also apparent when you go to your car from the parking lot. This fart is not reduced by the wind because it drafts your ass.

The Wall Fart - This is probably the most disgusting and powerful annonymous fart there is. This is a fart that you encounter in the hall that is so foul you have to stop breathing. It is usually warm and humid and just hangs in one spot. They have no warning and hit you like a wall, almost knocking you down. Because they don't move, it is a toss-up to who farted it.

The Warm-Front Fart - This is a variation of the Wall Fart in the way that it moves like a cloud. This one is usually let in big gatherings or (most likely) in the classroom. These farts are heinous and hang over you. Because you are restrained, you can't just get up and walk away. These clouds are so dense, you are just waiting for them to rain shit. Although very powerful, nobody ever acknowleges these farts for fear of being blamed.

The Hot Fart - This one is just like the name. This is usually a powerful and loud fart, but it is accompanied by a very hot burning sensation. It actually feels like somebody is steaming your ass. If it smells, it is usually very, very bad.

The Air-Pump Fart - This one is very rare, but if you have experienced it, you know what I am talking about. This is a slow, odorless silent fart that is let, but your ass opens up and sucks in more air. This causes you to be able to expell this fart again. This can be done over and over again. Very cool fart.

The Wet Bubble Fart. - You know this one. This one is common on hot summer days when you are stuck in traffic or in the classroom. Caused by a sweaty (or God forbid a wet shitty) ass. When you fart, a bubble is created and moves up and down your crack. You usually sit there and swirm to break it. It is often uncomfortable. Will most likely stain your BVD's.

The Dormant Fart - This one is commonly let under the bedcovers to conceal any smell to the bed mate or any roommates. However, the smell lays dormant until the covers are unleashed in the morning. A much more stale fart than if released earlier.

The Load, Cock, and Fire Fart - A very special fart that can be controlled, then pointed and fired in a specific direction. Very good in arguments or just to break the silence to be mean. These ones can be seen coming. They can often move your hair if aimed right.

The Sub Woofer Fart - This one usually has no smell, but if it does, it can vary. This is the fart that others can feel thru the sofa, the floor, the bed, you name it. This one truly has bass. It gives a whole new disgusting feature to farts.

The Internal Bowel Movement Fart - This is what happens when you try to hold a fart for too long. Sometimes it can be worse than the real thing (for you not them). It often sounds like heavy stomach growling. Not a true fart, but everyone knows that you will have to soon. Yes, this fart still makes its way out eventually. A major backfire on the Concealed Fart.

The Defused Fart - The only fart, that is not a fart. It starts out like a fart. You can feel the pressure in your ass. But by some amazing feat of holding it for a second, it is defused. Great for those intimate moments or special meetings. Bewarned of the Internal Bowel Movement Fart though.

The Whining or Whistle Fart - You guessed it.

The Arm Pit Fart - Come on, this is not a true fart. But whereas most people are ashamed or embarassed to fart in public, most are not embarassed to do the infamous Arm Pit Fart. Either you can do it or you can't.

The Jurassic Park Fart - This is it, the king of the kings. Very rare and extremely deadly. This one has a super length that just roars from your ass with extreme loudness and heavy bass. The smell is like something that has been extinct for 250 million years. This is the one and only one that can actually tear you a new ass hole. This one can give you life in jail for 1st degree murder or attempted suicide.

[uNz[i]]

What about the classic and very evil SBD? Silent But Deadly fart. Most commonly dropped by females in elevators, yet everybody always blames the only guy present by giving him the dirty looks. The stinkiest of all farts.