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Thread: The Technologically Challenged

  1. #1
    [excerpted from the Wall Street Journal]

    Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

    AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

    Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer had labelled the diskettes, then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.

    A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the technician to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.

    Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

    A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it couldn't find printer. The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer - but that his computer still couldn't see the printer.

    An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The foot pedal turned out to be the computer's mouse.

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  3. Funny S**t   -   #2
    dwightfry's Avatar Poster
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    ROTFL!!!!
    Life should come with backround music
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    Coconut, the desert's onion
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    Why stand when you can lean, why lean when you can sit, why sit when you can lounge, why lounge when you can lie
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  4. Funny S**t   -   #3
    j2k4's Avatar en(un)lightened
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    Thankfully I function slightly above the level of these examples!
    Barack Obama: Over-par on the golf course, sub-par everywhere else.

  5. Funny S**t   -   #4
    Here's one that i know:

    a customer called tech support complaining that she couldnt connect the mouse to
    the computer b/c the cable for the mouse was too short. The tech guy couldnt figure
    out how to help until he asked "is there a wire-like thing around a bundle of the cord?"
    The customer said there was and then the tech guy told her to take the twist-tie cord off
    so that the cable could extend to its full length.

  6. Funny S**t   -   #5
    ...heard some joke referring to

    the coffee cup holder has broken.
    It turned out to be the CD-tray

    ...

  7. Funny S**t   -   #6
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    I wanna find the one again about the woman and the guy tech.

    basically there was a power outage and everything disappeared from her screen and comp didnt work anymore and they wre on phone forever til the tech said pack computer up and take it back

    she says is it really that bad, what do i tell them

    your too stupid to own a computer


    then he got fired heh

  8. Funny S**t   -   #7
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    Originally posted by Acecool@14 April 2003 - 08:39
    I wanna find the one again about the woman and the guy tech.

    basically there was a power outage and everything disappeared from her screen and comp didnt work anymore and they wre on phone forever til the tech said pack computer up and take it back

    she says is it really that bad, what do i tell them

    your too stupid to own a computer


    then he got fired heh
    Me too!

    That has got to be the best and funniest story ever. And it is true too.

  9. Funny S**t   -   #8
    Originally posted by Acecool@14 April 2003 - 02:39
    I wanna find the one again about the woman and the guy tech.

    basically there was a power outage and everything disappeared from her screen and comp didnt work anymore and they wre on phone forever til the tech said pack computer up and take it back

    she says is it really that bad, what do i tell them

    your too stupid to own a computer


    then he got fired heh
    this is good.


    BTW, are all of these actually real? omg.

  10. Funny S**t   -   #9
    Leech_Killer's Avatar Poster
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    This is a true story your after from the WordPerfect help line. Needless to say the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause."

    Actual dialog of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee:

    Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

    Customer: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

    Support: "What sort of trouble?"

    Customer: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

    Support: "Went away?"

    Customer: "They disappeared."

    Support: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

    Customer: "Nothing."

    Support: "Nothing?"

    Customer: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

    Support: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

    Customer: "How do I tell?"

    Support: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

    Customer: "What's a sea-prompt?"

    Support: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

    Customer: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything type."

    Support: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

    Customer: "What's a monitor?"

    Support: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

    Customer: "I don't know."

    Support: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

    Customer: "Yes, I think so."

    Support: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

    Customer: ".......Yes, it is."

    Support: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

    Customer: "No."

    Support: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

    Customer: ".......Okay, here it is."

    Support: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

    Customer: "I can't reach."

    Support: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

    Customer: "No."

    Support: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

    Customer: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."

    Support: "Dark?"

    Customer: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

    Support: "Well, turn on the office light then."

    Customer: "I can't."

    Support: "No? Why not?"

    Customer: "Because there's a power outage."

    Support: "A power... A power outage? Aha, okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

    Customer: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

    Support: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

    Customer: "Really? Is it that bad?"

    Support: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

    Customer: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

    Support: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

  11. Funny S**t   -   #10
    Got_brains?'s Avatar Poster
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    Originally posted by Leech_Killer@16 April 2003 - 06:33
    This is a true story your after from the WordPerfect help line. Needless to say the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause."

    Actual dialog of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee:

    Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

    Customer: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

    Support: "What sort of trouble?"

    Customer: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

    Support: "Went away?"

    Customer: "They disappeared."

    Support: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

    Customer: "Nothing."

    Support: "Nothing?"

    Customer: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

    Support: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

    Customer: "How do I tell?"

    Support: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

    Customer: "What's a sea-prompt?"

    Support: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

    Customer: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything type."

    Support: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

    Customer: "What's a monitor?"

    Support: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

    Customer: "I don't know."

    Support: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

    Customer: "Yes, I think so."

    Support: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

    Customer: ".......Yes, it is."

    Support: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

    Customer: "No."

    Support: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

    Customer: ".......Okay, here it is."

    Support: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

    Customer: "I can't reach."

    Support: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

    Customer: "No."

    Support: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

    Customer: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."

    Support: "Dark?"

    Customer: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

    Support: "Well, turn on the office light then."

    Customer: "I can't."

    Support: "No? Why not?"

    Customer: "Because there's a power outage."

    Support: "A power... A power outage? Aha, okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

    Customer: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

    Support: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

    Customer: "Really? Is it that bad?"

    Support: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

    Customer: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

    Support: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
    Nice!

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