Cya FST

[Chewie]

I know I haven't been posting to my usual haunts very often for quite a while now but things at home have not been going great for a while.
I will be bidding farewell to FST for a while. Whether it's short term or indefinitely I cannot say.

Last Friday I had a mammoth argument with my wife and she has not spoken to me since.
Since the weekend I have been actively looking for alternative accomodation.
I don't want to leave here but I know that my wife hasn't been paying the bills she's supposed to handle so some serious shit is going to hit the fan on this house sometime soon and I don't want to be in it when it does.

This is going to be hard on the kids (harder for some than others) but I am at a point where I have given up trying to guide them in a direction I feel is right because I am constantly undermined by their ability to hoodwink my wife into believing they'll do as they're asked next time... until the next time.

I have come extremely close to ending my life on two occasions in the past.
I was once extremely depressed about my inability to support the family on my own wages and one day sent a text message about it to my wife while I was at work. She replied by telling me to 'grow up'.
The only thing that 'kept me going' (horrible phrase I know, but it fits so well) was the thought that my family would be really in the shitter should I go.

I have to make this decision in my own interests and disregard others' feelings otherwise I am likely to fall into a very dark frame of mind that I may not find the strength to overcome.

Some workmates have tried to tell me I'm putting on a brave face by saying I don't care about my family any more, that it's all going to back-up inside me and I'll end up having a breakdown. I have told them that I've had breakdowns before, that I've contemplated suicide on a number of occasions, and that I have got to stop caring in order to prevent it happening again.

So there we have it... Chewie is losing it and has got to do something about that. I have been looking at apartments in what I consider my price range (renting, cos at 40 I will never get a first mortgage, especially in South London!) and there are some with cable access or at least the possibility of it. Hopefully, I'll have found somewhere and got myself sorted out before the end of the month, and be back online with time to post here.

Laters.

[Snee]

Good luck. I hope it works out for you, I really do.

[peat moss]

Ah thats the shits , but remember the kids they love you no matter what happens. I lived in my car at one stage of my time away with my ex wife, did n't think it could get much worse ! But life is funny it has a way of sorting out. Good luck bud.

[Chewie]

Thanks guys.
Looked at another flat this morning... yeugh! Two rooms with the front door in the bedroom and a shower/toilet that looks like it was an airing cupboard. Also had a slot meter for the gas, jeez that's old!

[Rat Faced]

Good luck mate.

[Skiz]

...but remember the kids, they love you no matter what happens.

So true. They need their father, so don't forget about them.

Just remember, some things that are as simple as keeping your head up can make you feel better. I'll say a prayer for you Chewie. HANG IN THERE!

[hobbes]

Well, how's this thread for dropping a little perspective on us when we "think"we have problems.

The situation sounds very complex so I really can't offer anything more than my best wishes and hope that you hang tough and do what you feel is right. Surrender is not an option because I said so.

[Skiz]

Well, how's this thread for dropping a little perspective on us when we "think"we have problems.

The situation sounds very complex so I really can't offer anything more than my best wishes and hope that you hang tough and do what you feel is right. Surrender is not an option because I said so.

I read your post and then your sig.

[peat moss]

@hobbes, I love your attitude !

@chewie, does the new place have cable ?

Just kidding , sometimes you have to laff , communication is tough between a husband and wife. If she sees you looking for your own place she's liable to think whoa , what are we doing lets talk. Then problem is half solved !

[JPaul]

I find it astonishing that someone with so much going on with their life even thinks about the internet.

Never mind finds the time to post why they haven't been about lately and why they may not be about for another while.

To then say that "cable access" is a factor in chosing a new place to live is absolutely extraordinary.

To each their own.