Hav u had sex (with a girl duh)

**scott_pd** · 11-09-2005, 09:11 PM

Walk you lazy banterd

excerise is good for you.

**Gripper** · 11-09-2005, 09:13 PM

Originally Posted by Formula1

Originally Posted by gripper103.2

First things first:
1 Get up and leave the computer
2 Go and have a shower(chances are you stink)
3 Shave off any bum fluff(it makes you look silly)
4 Leave the house and go where there are girls
5 Try talking to them.

Let us know how that go's

i dont have anyone to drive me around :/

Are ya stuck miles from town or in a wheelchair?

**Gripper** · 11-09-2005, 09:14 PM

Originally Posted by ziggyjuarez

Originally Posted by gripper103.2

First things first:
1 Get up and leave the computer
2 Go and have a shower(chances are you stink)
3 Shave off any bum fluff(it makes you look silly)
4 Leave the house and go where there are girls
5 Try talking to them.

Let us know how that go's

But they have big scary boobies.What if they bite?

The boobies won't bite ya,the girls may,but this can be noice

**Proper Bo** · 11-09-2005, 09:16 PM

or bad, feckin bruises...

**Cheese** · 11-09-2005, 09:17 PM

Originally Posted by JPaul

I have however made love to a beautiful woman.

**Gripper** · 11-09-2005, 09:20 PM

and let me tell you making love to a beautiful woman is like riding a horse......

**Proper Bo** · 11-09-2005, 09:20 PM

I used to say jp was swiss toni waaay back in the day!

**Gripper** · 11-09-2005, 09:22 PM

MAKING COFFEE

Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It's got
to be hot. You've got to take your time. You've got to stir... gently and
firmly. You've got to grind your beans until they squeak. And then you put
in the milk.

LAYING A CARPET

Laying a carpet is... very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You
check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down, walk all over
her. If you're adventurous - like me - you might like to try an underlay.

HANGING WALLPAPER

Well, hanging wallpaper is also very much like making love to a beautiful
woman. Clean all the relevant surfaces, spread her out on the table, cover
her with paste, and stick her up. Then you clean your brush, light your
pipe, stand back and admire your handiwork.

PUTTING UP A TENT

Putting up a tent, Paul, is... very much like making love to a Beautiful
woman. You rent her, unzip the door, put up your pole an'... slip in to the
old bag.

WASHING A CAR

Washing a car, Paul, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
You've got to caress the bodywork. Breathe softly and gently. And give
every inch of it your loving attention. And make sure you've got a nice wet
sponge.

ANSWERING THE PHONE

Answering the phone, Paul, is... a little like making love to a beautiful
woman. In that you've gotta... lift the receiver, put it to your ear,
speak... loudly and clearly... oh, yes - and don't forget to state your
name.

BEING IN THERAPY

And yet, having therapy is very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
You... get on the couch, string 'em along with some half-lies and evasions,
probe some deep dark holes, and then hand over all your money.

BEING IN A CRASH

Going to the brink of death and back, in a nine car pile-up on a dual
carriage-way, Paul, is... very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
First of all, brace yourself, hold on tight - particularly if it's a
rear-ender. And pray you make contact with her twin airbags as soon as
possible.

GOING FISHING

Of course, Paul. As you know, I'm a very keen fisherman myself. You know,
I've often thought that going fishing was very much like making love to a
beautiful woman. First of all, clean and inspect your tackle, carefully pull
back your rod cover, and remove any dirt or gunge that may have built up
whilst not in use. Then, extend your rod to its full length, and check that
there are no kinks or any wear. Particularly at the base, where the grip is
usually applied. Make sure you've got a decent float, the appropriate bait,
and that there's plenty of shot in your bag.