My belated public apology

[jwsisliving1]

I wanted to start by saying this thread is an apology to all the people I have hurt in the past. I don't need more trackers, so this isn't about getting anyone to accept me back into their circle. I've realized some bridges when they are burnt they are too damaged to ever cross over again.

I earned the trust of some people when they didn't even know who i was or what my whole history was about. I don't care enough to bring that up and analyze it; either way, I'm sure most people know all about my dirty laundry by now. The biggest mistake I made was making everything public, when most trackers value privacy and discretion.

I had a lot of good friends, but through my violation of their trust I didn't treat them like friends. That was the worst part of what I did, I took everyone for granted. I'm hated now, and for good reason. I had a position of power and influence, which in the end I used to get revenge on the people I felt had wronged me.

I have no problem with being an exile. Being a normal user is a lot less stress and gives me perspective that I never had. I realize by now that there is more to life than trackers. Sometimes before it felt like it was everything. A job when I had no job (even if it was non-paying), a purpose (I really did care about helping to make good trackers), and a community of friends when i had no friends (back then I had no friends but my friends online).

Why is this apology coming so late? I tried to apologize to some people after all the drama had died down, but to be honest I didn't really make enough of an effort. I have been too scared to come out of the shadows. I couldn't even get myself to read any of the threads about myself here, or any of the other places where I was probably a heated topic of conversation.

I have been lurking this whole time and trying to stay out of trouble. It's been hard sometimes to accept all the changes that have happened. I'm no longer in a position to say anything or to try to take a leadership role. Pretty much all my old friends have nothing to do with me, for good reason. Even though there's a lot of people I miss, I know that because of my actions there is no going back.

I don't know what I hope to accomplish with this thread. Probably nothing at all. I just had to make my peace, even after all this time. Even if it's just for my own sanity. Sometimes its no longer about the trackers, your e-penis, or the connections you've built up. Using those friends, even if you've never met them in person, is just as wrong as using people in real life.

New members can learn from me. They can learn from the mistakes I've made. Unfortunately even after I was exiled, drama still goes on without me. Just look at some of the threads at backie's blog. I lost track of what this what supposed to be all about, but it doesn't seem like I'm the only one.

Feel free to flame me because frankly I deserve it. Those of you who you used to know me will know I'm not the truly evil person some will make me out to be. Then again, I've done some truly shitty things. I can never take them back or make things right. I've had to live with that every single day.

Maybe I'm too drunk to realize this is a stupid thread to make, and will draw more attention to me. But f**k it, I had to get this off my chest.

[Glitterstep]

What are you trying to say?

[A]

Guess the people whom this thread is meant to be reads this.

I realize by now that there is more to life than trackers. Sometimes before it felt like it was everything

Late realisation but better late than never.

[cinephilia]

i shed a tear.

true story.

[Funkin']

I realize by now that there is more to life than trackers.

So you're saying that your whole life, at one point, basically revolved around a file sharing method?

[Polarbear]

Leadership role? This is pathetic.

[cap87]

Who are you and what have you done?

I think i've seen you around some e-drama, but frankly i don't remember the whole story.

[Disme]

Who are you

Settindice aka Pokerpays aka Weldensmith, etc ...

[wtf]

Could someone pass me the napkin cause this dude made me cry like a bitch

[Artemis]

You forgot to mention in your heartfelt little speech the multiple online identities (some of which Disme mentioned) or some of your other activities.
Lets see.....where do I begin..... well top of the pops has to be being both a trader and a trader hunter at the same time, nailing the very people that helped you get into your trackers. You even moderated a trading forum, yet professed under another identity to hate traders and proceeded to post details of traders you had caught in an effort to get brownie points with staff. I don't agree with trading but pretending to be friends with people then exposing them for brownie points ??????
You have been so many identities, and betrayed so many people who trusted you time after time for what ? And now you want to come back and say sorry and we'll all hug (figuratively) and all will be forgiven. You have betrayed friendship and trust time after time, been so many online personalities you must be hovering on schizophrenia in real life and screwed over just about every person or community that trusted you time after time.