Australia _ The Best Country In The World?

[AussieSheila]

Bathurst is beautiful Adster! I've had some fun times there.


B)

@Lee. The Twelve Apostles! Brownie points?

[AussieSheila]

Yogi. Babe. I won't. I promise.



OMG! I'm hopeless aren't I?



Poor little fella! So many cats..... so few bilbies.

[ilw]

Australia's full of things waiting to sting, prong, chomp, drown, or lay you out with a toxic nip. People go missing there all the time. But the beer is cold. The sun mostly shines.

The first of the confusing things about Australia is the status of the place. Where other land masses and sovereign lands are classified as either continent, island, or country, Australia is considered all three.
The second confusing thing about Australia are the animals. They can be divided into three categories: Poisonous, Odd, and Sheep.
It is true that of the 10 most poisonous arachnids on the planet, Australia has 9 of them. Actually, it would be more accurate to say that of the 9 most poisonous arachnids, Australia has all of them. However, there are curiously few snakes, possibly because the spiders have killed them all. But even the spiders won't go near the sea.
Any visitors should be careful to check inside boots (before putting them on), under toilet seats (before sitting down) and generally everywhere else. A stick is very useful for this task.
Strangely, it tends to be the second class of animals (the Odd) that are more dangerous. The creature that kills the most people each year is the common Wombat. It is nearly as ridiculous as its name, and spends its life digging holes in the ground, in which it hides. During the night it comes out to eat worms and grubs.
The wombat kills people in two ways: First, the animal is indestructible. Digging holes in the hard Australian clay builds muscles that outclass Olympic weight lifters. At night, they often wander the roads. Semi-trailers (Road Trains) have hit them at high speed, with all 9 wheels on one side, and this merely makes them very annoyed. They express this by snorting, glaring, and walking away. Alas, to smaller cars, the wombat becomes a symmetrical launching pad, with results that can be imagined, but not adequately described.
The second way the wombat kills people relates to its burrowing behaviour. If a person happens to put their hand down a Wombat hole, the Wombat will feel the disturbance and think "Ho! My hole is collapsing!" at which it will brace its muscled legs and push up against the roof of its burrow with incredible force, to prevent its collapse. Any unfortunate hand will be crushed, and attempts to withdraw will cause the Wombat to simply bear down harder. The unfortunate will then bleed to death through their crushed hand as the wombat prevents him from seeking assistance. This is considered the third most embarrassing known way to die, and Australians don't talk about it much.
At this point, we would like to mention the Platypus, estranged relative of the mammal, which has a duck-bill, otter's tail, webbed feet, lays eggs, detects its aquatic prey in the same way as the electric eel, and has venomous barbs attached to its hind legs, thus combining all 'typical' Australian attributes into a single improbable creature.
...
Faced with insurmountable odds and impossible problems, [Australians] smile disarmingly and look for a stick. Major engineering feats have been performed with sheets of corrugated iron, string, and mud.

Most Australians are now urban dwellers, having discovered the primary use of electricity, which is air-conditioning and refrigerators.
...
Tips to Surviving Australia:
* Don't ever put your hand down a hole for any reason whatsoever. We mean it.
* The beer is stronger than you think, regardless of how strong you think it is.
* Always carry a stick.
* Air-conditioning.
* Do not attempt to use Australian slang, unless you are a trained linguist and good in a fist fight.
* Thick socks.
* Take good maps. Stopping to ask directions only works when there are people nearby.
* If you leave the urban areas, carry several litres of water with you at all times, or you will die.
* Even in the most embellished stories told by Australians, there is always a core of truth that it is unwise to ignore.

See Also: "Deserts: How to die in them", "The Stick: Second most useful thing ever" and "Poisonous and Venomous arachnids, insects, animals, trees, shrubs, fish and sheep of Australia, volumes 1-42"

From October to May, when the jellyfish come inshore to breed, they render the beaches [Palm Cove & dunno where else]  useless to humans. ... Before us stood a sweep of bay as serene and inviting as you would find anywhere, and yet there was no environment on earth more likely to offer instant death. Each jellyfish has 60 tentacles reaching up to 15 feet in length and each tentacle has enough nematocysts—venomous barbs that puncture the skin—to kill a
person. ... Get entangled in more than one (and they are often found in bunches) and you can only pray you pass out before dying ten minutes later.

"So you're telling me," said Allan, for whom all this was new, "that if I waded into the water now I would die?"
"In the most wretched and abject agony known to man,"
I replied.

"Jesus," he muttered.

"And don't pick up any of the seashells," I added, stopping him from leaning over to pick up a seashell. I explained to him about coneshells—the venomous creatures that lurk inside some of the handsomest, conical shells, waiting for a human hand to sting.

"They've got lethal seashells here?" he asked.

All sounds a wee bit risky for my liking especially that wombat thing

[Yogi]

Originally posted by AussieSheila@17 November 2003 - 14:50
Yogi. Babe. I won't. I promise.



OMG! I'm hopeless aren't I?



Poor little fella! So many cats..... so few bilbies.

Beyond saviour.



Congrats!!!!!!!!!!

Yogi

[AussieSheila]

Quokka.

[*´¯`·.¸¸.»Çô©ö»]

Ok, it's a nice country to live in BD. But every country has its downside.
We have lot in the UK, like the Atlantic weather fronts that hit us with miserable wind and rain.
So what are Australias down points?
I know my family from Canberra dislike having to travel loooooooooong distances within the country, whereas here in UK everywhere is reachable by road within hours (usually).
Also the sun and heat in the summer can be extreme in Australia, whereas our climate is less extreme.
Those are 2 points i would not like if i lived there, any more?
Although i will admit, i would rather living there than here in the winter, but dont tell me its perfect, coz i'll know your bs me... .

[AussieSheila]

ilw? The most dangerous thing you would face in this country is me.

Come on over, I'll take you swimming at Shark Bay.

[ilw]

ilw? The most dangerous thing you would face in this country is me.

I dunno this thing looks pretty scary
I saw a horror film with something like that in it and it was pretty damn mean

[Billy_Dean]

I don't need to dwell on bad points Coco, I lived in England for 35 years, and here for 20, I wouldn't live in England again for all the money in the world.


I live here now, Cairns, surrounded by mountains, rainforest and crystal clear tropical waters. It's paradise, I talk to tourists who come here and they can't believe how beautiful it is. I'll be watching the final Saturday under the stars, on a huge outdoor screen, and 26 degrees. I have no heating bills at all. I eat fresh local food. The good far outweighs the bad.

[Yogi]

As stated; Beyond Saviour!!!!!



Next???

@BD: Me jealous(but i'll be moving to portugal in a few years........)

AllwaysOnTheMove-Yogi