Enema: Friend or Foe?

**mjmacky** · 09-15-2016, 01:35 PM

Prologue
Long time no poopsies. Concern grew. Must be constipated. Must be impacted. Flight in 5 days. Need to address now.

Today
I've been drinking lots of fluids, but I keep needing to eat, and I'm pissing like I'm on diuretics. Now, I've never had an enema in my life, but given the number of days and mass of food I must have consumed during these times of colonial protest, down that road I decided to go.

I've read up a little on what I need to do, so now the first step is to get an enema kit. I can speak Japanese to store clerks, but I can't understand a single thing said back to me, so I decided to bring some visual aids. Not able to get a good perspective photo of my anus, I instead loaded a picture of an enema kit on my phone and the kanji for the product, 浣腸 (kan·chou).

Drug Store #1
I scoured every aisle, and I found absolutely no kits. I expected this since ages ago Murphy informed me that I'm a favorite, hence the preparation. So, of course it was a female clerk I'd be asking. I said "kanchou kitto ga arimasuka?" and showed her the picture. She paused to think, but then immediate called over another female clerk who was stocking goods. The first clerk asked the second clerk aloud if she knows that they carry them. During the back and forth, they made certain to repeat the word kanchou several times, which must have been for my benefit to let me know they weren't discussing anything else.

Oh, great. This is turning into a thing. I expected this too, and I started off into a daydream that they were going to call over another female clerk despite the male one standing nearby. This girl was gifted, for in that drug store, there was yet another young, female clerk in earshot of this medium's beckoning. She called her over, but they didn't quite close the gap between them. So, she proceeded to ask the third clerk much louder. Now, everyone in the store is privy to my hunt for treasure. Back off, it's my booty!

This continued on for another 20 or so seconds, where kanchou was repeated many more times. After all this exhibition, they had not what I sought. I left, not embarrassed, but disappointed in having paranoia vindicated and an extended quest initiated.

Drug Store #2
Searched. No loot found. Quietly asked older male clerk, and he let me know they don't have them. The interaction was much more discreet.

Drug Store #3
Again, none. Stores are starting to close and the automated option seems to be a no go this night, so I picked up some tools for doing things manually: gloves and some baby oil.

Back Home
I prepared the bathroom space and shower. I was prepared to get messy if things went that far. I actually had no problems getting my lubed index finger up there. However, I wasn't really hitting anything. I disposed the glove and gave it a go, but nada. I must be impacted further inside. I broke out the second glove, and this time I was going to use my middle finger to reach deeper from a different angle. Still feeling nothing, but I did try pushing all over to see if I could get some peristalsis going. I disposed of this glove and gave it another go, still nada. I lifted the toilet seat and went full acrobat on the ceramic rim to see if a more natural squatting pose could get things going. Five minutes later...

Still nothing. Fuck

After the Fingering
I went online and ordered a glycerin solution and enema tubing/bulb kit with a rushed delivery from Amazon.co.jp. I will pick up from my local convenience store (my preferred way of receiving packages) tomorrow evening. However, browsing the results having searched for both enema and 浣腸, I started to get the feeling that these clerks all thought I was a pervert rather than someone seeking a health remedy.

to be continued

**IdolEyes787** · 09-15-2016, 01:43 PM

Glycerin suppository should soften anything impacted in less than an hour enough to let you poop if it's truly just hard stool.

Btw if you don't have this overwhelming physical feeling of discomfort then you're probably not constipated.

**IdolEyes787** · 09-15-2016, 01:44 PM

Do you get PMs at the moment?

**mjmacky** · 09-15-2016, 02:00 PM

Originally Posted by IdolEyes787

Glycerin suppository should soften anything impacted in less than an hour enough to let you poop if it's truly just hard stool.

Btw if you don't have this overwhelming physical feeling of discomfort then you're probably not constipated.

Very odd types of discomfort, but it's been more psychologically overwhelming than physically overwhelming.

Originally Posted by IdolEyes787

Do you get PMs at the moment?

I could have taken me weeks to notice, so the tip was appropriate.
but it's my first time
so
just the tip, OK?

**manker** · 09-15-2016, 02:24 PM

Is this fecking mumsnet.

Any person who sticks fingers up his ham flower before taking an oral laxative is a big ghey.

**Barbarossa** · 09-15-2016, 02:46 PM

Originally Posted by mjmacky

prologue
long time no poopsies. Concern grew. Must be constipated. Must be impacted. Flight in 5 days. Need to address now.

Today
i've been drinking lots of fluids, but i keep needing to eat, and i'm pissing like i'm on diuretics. Now, i've never had an enema in my life, but given the number of days and mass of food i must have consumed during these times of colonial protest, down that road i decided to go.

I've read up a little on what i need to do, so now the first step is to get an enema kit. I can speak japanese to store clerks, but i can't understand a single thing said back to me, so i decided to bring some visual aids. Not able to get a good perspective photo of my anus, i instead loaded a picture of an enema kit on my phone and the kanji for the product, 浣腸 (kan·chou).

Drug store #1
i scoured every aisle, and i found absolutely no kits. I expected this since ages ago murphy informed me that i'm a favorite, hence the preparation. So, of course it was a female clerk i'd be asking. I said "kanchou kitto ga arimasuka?" and showed her the picture. She paused to think, but then immediate called over another female clerk who was stocking goods. The first clerk asked the second clerk aloud if she knows that they carry them. During the back and forth, they made certain to repeat the word kanchou several times, which must have been for my benefit to let me know they weren't discussing anything else.

Oh, great. This is turning into a thing. I expected this too, and i started off into a daydream that they were going to call over another female clerk despite the male one standing nearby. This girl was gifted, for in that drug store, there was yet another young, female clerk in earshot of this medium's beckoning. She called her over, but they didn't quite close the gap between them. So, she proceeded to ask the third clerk much louder. Now, everyone in the store is privy to my hunt for treasure. Back off, it's my booty!

This continued on for another 20 or so seconds, where kanchou was repeated many more times. After all this exhibition, they had not what i sought. I left, not embarrassed, but disappointed in having paranoia vindicated and an extended quest initiated.

Drug store #2
searched. No loot found. Quietly asked older male clerk, and he let me know they don't have them. The interaction was much more discreet.

Drug store #3
again, none. Stores are starting to close and the automated option seems to be a no go this night, so i picked up some tools for doing things manually: Gloves and some baby oil.

Back home
i prepared the bathroom space and shower. I was prepared to get messy if things went that far. I actually had no problems getting my lubed index finger up there. However, i wasn't really hitting anything. I disposed the glove and gave it a go, but nada. I must be impacted further inside. I broke out the second glove, and this time i was going to use my middle finger to reach deeper from a different angle. Still feeling nothing, but i did try pushing all over to see if i could get some peristalsis going. I disposed of this glove and gave it another go, still nada. I lifted the toilet seat and went full acrobat on the ceramic rim to see if a more natural squatting pose could get things going. Five minutes later...

Still nothing. Fuck

after the fingering
i went online and ordered a glycerin solution and enema tubing/bulb kit with a rushed delivery from amazon.co.jp. I will pick up from my local convenience store (my preferred way of receiving packages) tomorrow evening. However, browsing the results having searched for both enema and 浣腸, i started to get the feeling that these clerks all thought i was a pervert rather than someone seeking a health remedy.

To be continued

tl;dr

**mjmacky** · 09-15-2016, 04:23 PM

Originally Posted by Barbarossa

tl;dr

At this point, wouldn't im;dr be more appropriate?

**mjmacky** · 09-15-2016, 04:30 PM

Originally Posted by manker

Is this fecking mumsnet.

Any person who sticks fingers up his ham flower before taking an oral laxative is a big ghey.

I avoid ingesting OTCs and prescriptions alike until I can at least do some light research on them, especially after that time I had been accidentally taking an antidepressant for a month.

My short white list includes bismuth subsalicylate and naproxen. I'd be willing to add a laxative if I could figure out what the fuck is written on any of the boxes.

I mean, you pick up a package, of anything, and the entire thing is covered in writing. You don't even know where to start because the formatting is no fucking help.