A Bit Of A Laugh

[baccyman]

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven, where St. Peter meets them at the Pearly Gates. Since they’ve all led exemplary lives, he lets each say any woman’s name and she’ll go back to Earth for six months as that person. “Sophia Loren,” says the first nun—and poof, she disappears. “Madonna,” says the second nun, and she disappears, too. “Sara Piplini,” says the third nun. “Who’s that?” asks St. Peter. The nun hands him a newspaper clipping. He reads and says, “I’m sorry, sister, but you’ve got it all wrong. It’s the Sahara Pipeline that was laid by 1,400 men in six months.”

[free2bp2p]

Funniest jokes I've seen on the internet, but could you now take down the picture of my wife? 122 posts is a little out of hand.

Peace,

free2bp2p

[baccyman]

A biker walks into a yuppie bar and shouts, “All lawyers are assholes!” He looks around, obviously hoping for a challenge. Finally a guy comes up to him, taps him on the shoulder, and says, “Take that back.” The biker says, “Why? Are you a lawyer?” “No, I’m an asshole.”

[baccyman]

Cure for the Cough
John was a clerk in a small drugstore, but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted.
Bob, the owner, had had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.
Just then a man came in coughing. He ask John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup.
Remembering his boss' warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once. The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.
Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired. "He wanted something for his cough, but I couldn't find the dang cough syrup. So, I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once," John explained.
"Ex-Lax?!! That won't cure a cough!" Bob shouted angrily.
"Sure it will!" John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post. "Just look at him. He's afraid to cough."

[baccyman]

An Iraqi soldier buys a camel, ties it up outside his local bar, and walks inside. “Nice camel,” says one of his buddies. “Is it male or female?” “Female,” he replies. “How can you tell?” asks his friend. “Well, on the way over here,” the man explains, “I heard this guy yell, ‘Hey, look at the big c**t on that camel!’”

[baccyman]

Final Confessions
As the husband lay on his deathbed with his wife sitting next to him he looked up at his wife and said, "Dear, I have to make a confession."
"You don't need to do that," said the wife.
"No dear, I really want to clear my conscience before I die. I cheated on you. I slept with your best friend, your sister and even your mother."
The wife says, "I know. That's why I poisoned your coffee you bastard!"

[baccyman]

George W. Bush was thrilled at finally being able to spend his first night in the White House, but something very strange happened. On the very first night, he was awakened by George Washington’s ghost. Bush asked the ghost, “President Washington, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?” “Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,” advised Washington. With all the excitement of the White House, Bush still couldn’t sleep well, and then, later on that night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. “Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?” Bush asked. “Cut taxes and reduce the size of the government,” Jefferson answered. Bush still couldn’t sleep well, so much later, on the same night he saw another ghostly figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln’s ghost. “Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?,” Bush asked. Lincoln replied, “Go see a play.”

[baccyman]

A guy out on the golf course took a high-speed ball right to the nuts. Writhing in agony, he fell to the ground. When he finally got himself to the doctor, he asked,“How bad is it, Doc? I’m going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancé is still a virgin.” The doctor said, “I’ll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay in about two weeks.” Then the doctor took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art. The guy mentioned none of this to his girl and the two got married. On their honeymoon night, she opened her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts and told him, “You’ll be the first; no one has ever touched these before.” The new bridegroom dropped his pants and said, “Look at this — it’s still in the crate!”

[baccyman]

A man is having problems with his penis, which has certainly seen better times. He consults a doctor who, after a couple of tests, says, “I’m sorry, but you’ve simply overdone it for the last 30 years and your penis is burned out. You only have 30 erections left.” The man walks home, deeply depressed. His wife is waiting for him at the front door and asks him what the doctor said concerning his problem, so he tells her. “Oh no!” she exclaims. “Only 30 times! We shouldn’t waste that! We should make a list!” “Yes,” he replies. “I already made a list on the way home. Sorry, your name isn’t on it.”

[bujub22]

good god man

the laughs never stop with u damn keep'em coming tho there all pretty damn good