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SCHOOL'S IN SESSION MOTHERFUCKERS AND YOUR PROFESSOR, JACK MOTHERFUCKING BAUER IS DROPPING KNOWLEDGE ON ALL YOU MOTHERFUCKERS. IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS NOW YOU KNOW, JACK BAUER HAS INVOKED THE 38TH AMENDMENT, FOR ALL OF YOU THAT DON'T KNOW, THAT'S A SECRET AMENDMENT PASSED IN THE CASE OF A NATIONAL EMERGENCY. I'M GOING TO POST IT BELOW SO ALL YOU MOTHERFUCKERS KNOW WHAT'S UP.
AMENDMENT 38 TO THE UNITED STATES CONSTITUTION
IN THE EVEN THE PRESIDENT IS ACTING LIKE A PUSSY ASS FAGGOT THE REALEST NIGGA IN THE FUCKING COUNTRY CAN STEP UP IN HIS PLACE AND RUN SHIT STRAIGHT UP CTU STYLE
YOU AINT GOING TO LEARN THAT SHIT IN THEY SCHOOLS BUT NOW YOU KNOW BABY, THIS IS REAL LIFE NOT ONE OF THEY BOOKS. SO JACK KNOWS WHAT'S UP NOW AND HE'S GOING TO ROLL IN WITH NOVICK AND TELL DUKES WHAT'S UP BUT THAT FAGGOT ASS MOTHERFUCKER WALT, NAH LET ME REPHRASE, THAT FAGGOT FUCKING ASS PUSSY ASS BITCH WALT GOT THAT CONVO ON LOCK AND IS SENDS ALL HIS MENS OUT TO JACK. JACK'S GETS SURROUNDED AND EVEN KNOW HE KNOWS HE COULD HAVE KILLED EVERYONE THERE, INCLUDING THE MOTHERFUCKERS IN THE HELO UP TOP, HE SPARES THEM BECAUSE HE'S BUILDING AN ARMY (AND NOT A FAGGOT ASS PUSSY ARMY LIKE THAT OTHER BITCH JACK FROM LOST - SEE BABY THIS IS 24 WHERE YOU GET A WHOLE SEASONS WORTH OF DEVELOPMENTS IN 10 MINUTES NOT EIGHT EPISODES OF STRAIGHT BULLSHIT BUT LET ME TAKE THIS BACK). SO JACK'S LIKE AIGHT YOU ALL WANT TO TAKE ME IN THAT'S FINE BUT I'M GOING TO BE BACK TO DUMP FIAH
AARON (WHO'S THE STRAIGHT MAC DADDY PIMP OF THIS MOTHERFUCKER) IS SENT TO MOVE HIM, BUT ARRON KNOWS JACK AIN'T NO JOKE LIKE RAKIM AND ERIC B. SO HE HEARS JACK OUT. HOMIE STRAIGHT MOVES THE SECRET SERVICE AND OPENS THE DOOR TO THE PRESIDENT'S OFFICE.
BUT ONE SECOND, WHAT'S UP WITH THE PRESIDENT. OH YEAH, THAT PUSSY ASS WALT ALREADY TOLD HIM WHAT'S UP AND GOT THAT WEAK WILLED SPINLELESS FAGGOT MOTHERFUCKER TO GO ALONG WITH IT EVEN THOUGH HE WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR KILLING THE HEADEST NIGGA IN CHARGE, PRESIDENT DAVID MOTHERFUCKER-AINT-BENDING-FOR-NOBODY PALMER. LET'S LET YOU KNOW SOME, I'VE SAID IT BEFORE AND THAT'S WHY THIS MOTHERFUCKER DOESN'T COME TO THE MIA. LOGAN, YOU HEAR ME, YOU EVER STEP FOOT IN THE 3-0-5 I'M GOING TO BE FLIPPING THREE NINES PUTTING YOU ON A CRUCIFIX, YOU HEAR ME MOTHERFUCKER.
ALRIGHT, SO JACK ROLLS IN AND WALT THINK'S HE'S STILL GOT SHIT UNDER CONTROL BUT HELL NAH, BAUER STRAIGHT JACK'S HIM IN THE SOLARPLEX WITH A LUNG BLOW, NOT ONCE BUT THE NUMBER IS ONE, TWO, THREE AND MOTHERFUCKER HE'S COMING WITH A HUNDRED MILES AND STILL GUNNING UP ON THIS MOTHERFUCKER. JACK'S STILL WANTED BY EVERY MOTHERFUCKER IN AND OUT OF DODGE AND HE'S STRAIGHT BEATING THIS FOOL IN THE OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENT WITH THE PRESIDENT CRYING TO AARON LIKE A LITLE BITCH BUT AARON AIN'T HEARING THAT SHIT BECAUSE DUKE'S GOT THE PHONES ON LOCK. WALT TRYING TO ACT HARD WHILE GETTING HIS SHIT BEAT IN BUT JACK BUSTS OUT WITH THE HALO THREE AND IS ABOUT TO STRAIGHT TEAR A NIGGA'S EYE OUT.
HE LOOKS HIM RIGHT IN THE FACE AND PUTS THE HALO 3 TO HIS EYE AND IS JUST LIKE MOTHERFUCKER, I'M GOING TO BE CUTTING YOU UP LIKE A TEENAGER ON MYSPACE IF YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO KNOW. I SWEAR I HEARD HIM SAY MOTHERFUCKER, I JUST KNOW IT BECAUSE THAT SCENE WAS SO FUCKING HYPE.
SO NOW THEY GOT THE LOCATION BECAUSE YOU KNOW HE MADE THAT MOTHERFUCKER TALK. JACK'S MOTHERFUCKING MAD KNOWING THAT THIS CRACKA-ASS FAGGOT KILLED PALMER BUT JACK PLAYS IT COOL AND TELLS CTU WHAT'S UP. THEY CAN'T FIND THE SHIT UNTIL EDGARS SHIFT-ALT-F4 STHYLEZ STRAIGHT HACKS THAT SHIT LIKE HE WAS ZEROCOOL AND GETS CBP INTO THAT MOTHERFUCKER TO GET THE GAS
BUT THE CANISTERS AREN'T THERE
OH SHIT
THEN THEY CALL UP BUSTED-ASS WALT'S CELLY. THE FAGGOT ASS PINKO FAGGOT COMMUNISTS KNOW WHAT'S UP AND THEY'RE GOING TO RELEASE THAT SHIT RIGHT HERE IN THE RED-WHITE-AND-MOTHERFUCKING BAUER. EXCEPT THEY FORGOT ONE LITTLE THING.
ONE BODY. TWO BODIES, THREE BODIES, FOUR - JACK'S ON THIS MOTHERFUCKER AND AIN'T NONE OF YOU LEAVING THIS BTICH ALIVE
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