TClite
12-06-2002, 06:36 PM
>EVER WONDER...
>...why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
>...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
>...why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
>...why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
>...why doctors call what they do "practice"?
>...why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
>...why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing
>liquid is made with real lemons?
>...why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?
>...why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?
>...who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?
>...why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
>...why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
>...why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for
>the
>indestructible black box ?
>...why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
>...why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
>...if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of
>progress?
>...why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?
>AND...
>In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because
>of
>stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer
>goods.
>On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's
>the
>only time I have to work on my hair).
>On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
>Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
>On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and
>that
>would be how???....)
>On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but,
>it's "just" a suggestion).
>On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside
>down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
>On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after
>heating."
>(...and you thought????...)
>On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but
>wouldn't this save me more time?)
>On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate
>machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to
>reduce
>the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those
>5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
>On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm
>taking
>this because???....)
>On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use
>only."
>(as opposed to...what?)
>On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
>(now,
>somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
>On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news
>flash!)
>On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet,
>eat
>nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
>I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a
>child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable
>you
>to fly."
>
>
>On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands
>or
>genitals."
>(...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
>...why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
>...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
>...why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
>...why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
>...why doctors call what they do "practice"?
>...why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
>...why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing
>liquid is made with real lemons?
>...why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?
>...why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?
>...who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?
>...why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
>...why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
>...why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for
>the
>indestructible black box ?
>...why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
>...why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
>...if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of
>progress?
>...why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?
>AND...
>In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because
>of
>stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer
>goods.
>On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's
>the
>only time I have to work on my hair).
>On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
>Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
>On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and
>that
>would be how???....)
>On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but,
>it's "just" a suggestion).
>On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside
>down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
>On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after
>heating."
>(...and you thought????...)
>On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but
>wouldn't this save me more time?)
>On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate
>machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to
>reduce
>the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those
>5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
>On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm
>taking
>this because???....)
>On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use
>only."
>(as opposed to...what?)
>On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
>(now,
>somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
>On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news
>flash!)
>On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet,
>eat
>nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
>I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a
>child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable
>you
>to fly."
>
>
>On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands
>or
>genitals."
>(...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)