Camping Jokes

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,"Are there any gators around here?!"

"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"

"Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.

About halfway there he asked the guy,"How'd you get rid of the gators?"

"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said.

"The sharks got 'em."

:lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

Three guys were fishing in a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and

joined them in the boat.

When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the 1st

guy asked humbly, "Jesus, I've suffered from back pain ever since I took

shrapnel in the Vietnam War ... Could you help me?"

"Of course, my son," Jesus said, and when he touched the man's back he felt

relief for the first time in years.

The 2nd guy who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and

driving , asked if Jesus could do anything about his poor eyesight. Jesus

smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them into the lake. When they

hit the water, the man's eyes cleared and he could see everything

distinctly.

When Jesus turned to the 3rd guy, the guy put his hands out

defensively -- "Don't touch me!" he cried, "I'm on a disability pension."
:lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

Two hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture and bagged six big bucks. The pilot came back, as arranged, to pick them up. They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected and he said, "The plane can only take four of your elk; you will have to leave two behind." They argued with him; the year before they had shot six and the pilot had allowed them to put all aboard. The plane was the same model and capacity. Reluctantly, the pilot finally permitted them to put all six aboard. But when the attempted to take off and leave the valley, the little plane could not make it and they crashed into the wilderness.

Climbing out of the wreckage, one hunter said to the other, "Do you know where we are?"

"I think so," replied the other hunter. I think this is about the same place where we landed last year!"

:lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

Two good ole boys, Billy Bob and Joe Wayne were hunting one a sunny day. Now Joe Wayne was not the brightest person in the world.

They came up on a pretty young girl sunbathing in the nude....

Billy Bob jumped up and said, "boy, she looks good enough to eat."

So, Joe Wayne shot her.
:lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the
other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear,
shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward
him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as
fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a
little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he
reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close
behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into
the cabin. The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to
his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another!" :lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish.

About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family.

"You aren't going to catch many fish that way," said the businessman to the fisherman, "you should be working rather than lying on the beach!"

The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, "And what will my reward be?"

"Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!" was the businessman's answer.

"And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman, still smiling.

The businessman replied, "You will make money and you'll be able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of fish!" "And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman again.

The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman's questions. "You can buy a bigger boat, and hire some people to work for you!" he said.

"And then what will my reward be?" repeated the fisherman.

The businessman was getting angry. "Don't you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you!"

Once again the fisherman asked, "And then what will my reward be?"

The businessman was red with rage and shouted at the fisherman, "Don't you understand that you can become so rich that you will never have to work for your living again! You can spend all the rest of your days sitting on this beach, looking at the sunset. You won't have a care in the world!"

The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, "And what do you think I'm doing right now?"

:lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

Two Polish hunters were driving through the country to go bear hunting. They came upon a fork in the road where a sign read "BEAR LEFT" so they went home. :lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

A couple of young fellers were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bush's jumped the Game Warden !!

Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell, and hot on his heels came the Game Warden...

After about a half mile the fella stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thigh's to catch his breath and the Game Warden finally caught up to him...

"Lets see yer fishin license, Boy !!" the Warden gasped..

With that, the fella pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license..

" Well, son ", said the Game Warden, " You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks !! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license !!"

" Yes Sir", replied the young feller, " But my friend back there, well, he don't have one"...

:lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

A man phones home from his office and tells his wife: "Something has
just come up. I have a chance to go fishing for a week. It's the
opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away. So pack my clothes,
my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas. I'll be
home in an hour to pick them up."
He goes home in a hurry and grabs everything and rushes off.
A week later he returns.
His wife asks: "Did you have a good trip, dear?"
He says: " Oh yes, great! But you forgot to pack my blue silk
pajamas."
His wife smiles and says, "Oh no I didn't. I put them in your tackle
box!"

:lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

One day a nun was fishing and caught a huge, strange looking fish. A man was walking by and said, "WOW!! What a nice Gauddam Fish!" The sister said, "Sir, you shouldn't use God's name in vain." The man said, "But that's the SPECIES of the fish --- a Gauddam Fish." The sister said, "Oh, ok."

The Sister took the fish back home and said, "Mother Superior, look at the Gauddam Fish I caught." Shocked, the Mother Superior said, "Sister, you know better than that." The nun said, "That's the species of it --- a Gauddam Fish." So the Mother Superior said, "Well, give me the Gauddam Fish and I'll clean it."

While she was cleaning the fish, Monsignor walked in and Mother Superior said, "Monsignor, look at the Gauddam Fish that the sister caught." Nearly fainting, Monsignor said, "Mother Superior, you shouldn"t talk like that!" Mother Superior said, "But that's the species of it --- a Gauddam Fish." Monsignor said, "Well give me the Gauddam Fish and I'll cook it."

That evening at supper there was a new priest at the table, and he said, "Wow, what a nice fish." In reply, the sister said, "Thank-you, I caught the Gauddam Fish." And Mother Superior said, "I cleaned the Gauddam Fish." And Monsignor said, "I cooked the Gauddam Fish."

The priest looked around in disbelief, quite shocked, and said...

"I LIKE THIS F***ING PLACE ALREADY!

:lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

Three couples went out camping. The three husbands stayed in one
tent and the three wives stayed in the other. At about 3 in the morning, one of the men woke up and yelled, "Wow, unbelievable!"
Another of the husbands woke up and asked, "What's going on?"
The first guy said, "I've got to go to the other tent and find my
wife "
The second guy asked, "How come?"
"To have sex!" said the first, "I just woke up with the biggest hard
on I've ever had in my life!"
The second guy said, "Do you want me to come with you?"
The first guy said, "Hell, no. Why would I want you to do that?"

:lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an old, abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They searched the area for something larger and came upon a railroad tie. With great difficulty, the two men carried it to the opening and threw it in. While waiting for it to hit bottom, a goat suddenly darted between them and leapt into the hole!

The guys were still standing there with astonished looks upon their faces from the actions of the goat when a man walked up to them. He asked them if they had seen a goat anywhere in the area and they said that one had just jumped into the mine shaft in front of them! The man replied, "Oh no. That couldn't be *my* goat, mine was tied to a railroad tie."

:lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

questions actually asked at various national parks.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
grand canyon national park
"was this man made?"
"i bought tickets to the elevator to the bottom, where is it?" "do you light it up at nicht?'
"so where are the faces of the presidents?"
carlsbad caverns national park
"how much of the cave is underground?"
"so what's in the unexplored part of the cave?" "does it ever rain in here?"
"so what is this, just a hold in the ground?" "how many ping pong balls would it take to fill it up?"

mesa verde national park
"did people build this, or did indians?" "why did they build the ruins so close to the road?" "do you know of any undiscovered ruins?" "why did the indians decide to live in colorado?"

:lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

These two hunters went moose hunting every year without success. Finally they came up with a foolproof plan. They got themselves a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the mating call of a cow moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure in the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull.
So, they set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, in their costume, and began to give the moose love call. Before too long their call was answered by bull in the forest. They called again, the bull answered closer to them. They called again, The bull answered, and came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. As the bulls' pounding hoof beats got closer the guy in front said, "OK, lets get out and get him". After a moment, that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouts "THE ZIPPER IS STUCK, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!?". The guy in the front says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you better start to "brace" yourself!"
:lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

Three couples went out camping. The three husbands stayed in one tent and the three wives stayed in the other. At about 3 in the morning, Bob woke up and yelled, "Wow, unbelievable!"

Bill woke up and asked, "What's going on?"

Bob said, "I've got to go to the other tent and find my wife."

"How come?"

"To have sex! I just woke up with the biggest hard-on I've ever had in my life!"

After a pause, Bill said, "Do you want me to come with you?"

"Hell, no! Why would I want you to do that?"

"Because that's my dick you're holding."

:lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. Ibn the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "when did you bag him?"

The host said, "that was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife."

"What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter.

"My wife"

:lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

Camping Alert

In case anyone is considering doing some camping this summer, please note the following public service announcement:

In Alaska, tourists are warned to wear tiny bells on their clothing when hiking in bear country. The bells warn away MOST bears. Tourists are also cautioned to watch the ground on the trail, paying particular attention to bear droppings to be alert for the presence of Grizzly Bears.

One can tell a Grizzly dropping because it has tiny bells in it.



:lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

Johnny Cochran was duck hunting in Montana recently, when he attempted to cross a fence into a field to retrieve a duck he had shot. A farmer suddenly
pulled up in his pick-up truck, jumped out, and asked Mr.Cochran what he was
doing on his property.

"Retrieving this duck that I just shot", he replied. "That duck is on my side
of the fence, so now it's mine," replied the farmer. Mr.. Cochran asked the
farmer if he recognized who he was talking to "No", replied the farmer, "I
don't know, and I don't care."

"I am Johnny Cochran, famous lawyer from Los Angeles", came the reply. "I am
the lawyer that got O.J. Simpson off. I'm the reason he is a free man today.
And if you don't let me get that duck, I can sue you for your farm, your truck, and everything else you own. I'll leave you penniless on the street."

"Well," said the farmer, "In Montana the only law we go by is the '3 kicks
law'." "Never heard of it", said Johnny. The farmer said, "I get to kick you 3
times, and if you make it back to your feet and are able to kick me back 3
times, that duck is yours".

Cochran thought this over. He grew up in a tough neighborhood and figured he
could take this old farmer. "Fair enough", he said.

So the farmer kicked Johnny violently in the groin.

As he was doubling over, the farmer kicked him in the face, and when he hit
the ground, he kicked him hard in the ribs.

After several moments, Johnny slowly made it back to his feet. "All right, now
it's my turn", said Johnny.

"Aw, forget it", said the farmer. "You can have the duck."

:lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a camping and hiking trip.

They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky. Holmes said, "Watson, look up. What do you see?

"Well, I see thousands of stars."

"And what does that mean to you?"

"Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?"

"To me, it means someone has stolen our tent."

:lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, "How does this boat float?
The father replied, "Don't rightly know son." A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, "How do fish breath underwater?"
Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know son." A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?"
Again, the father repied. "Don't rightly know son." Finally, the boy asked his father, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?"
The father replied, "Of course not, you don't ask questions, you never learn nothin'."
:lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

"Two Guys, ? Brains?"

Two friends rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they caught 30 fish. One guy said to his friend,

"Mark this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow."

The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same guy asked his friend, "Did you mark that spot?"

His friend replied, "Yeah, I put a big 'X' on the bottom of the boat."

The first one said, "You stupid fool! What if we don't get that same boat today!?!?"

:lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

An optimist sees the best in the world, while a pessimist (a nonoptimist) sees only the worst. An optimist finds the positive in the negative, and a pessimist can only find the negative in the positive. Let me illustrate what I mean . . .

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet.

The friend saw everything but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"

"I sure did," responded his friend. "He can't swim."

:lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in two's for the day. That night one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight point buck.

"Where's Henry?" one of the other men asked.

"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail."

"What?!? You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?"

"Yea, it was a tough call," nodded the hunter, "but I figured no one is going to steal Henry."



:lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

Helping a Bud

Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too.

"Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something... but I can save you some sweat in taking out that carcass.

"Huh. Ok. Hey, thanks," one replied looking up appreciately.

The third hunter said, "If you would pull it the other direction it would be easier," nodding as he passed.

After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it.

A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!"

"Yeah, but we're getting farther from the car," the other added.

:lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

A man was walking in the mountains just enjoying the scenery when he stepped too
close to the edge of the mountain and started to fall. In desperation he reached
out and grabbed a limb of a gnarly old tree hanging onto the side of the cliff.

Full of fear, he assessed his situation.

He was about 100 feet down a shear cliff and about 900 feet from the floor of
the canyon below. If he should slip again he'd plummet to his death. Full of fear, he cries out, "Help me!" But there was no answer. Again and again he cried
out but to no avail.

Finally he yelled, "Is anybody up there?"

A deep yet serene voice replied, "Yes, I'm up here."

"Who is it?"

"It's God."

"Can you help me?"

"Yes, I can help."

"Please help me then!"

"Let go."

Looking around the man became full of panic. "What?!?!"

"Let go. I will catch you."

"Uh... Is there anybody else up there?"

:lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

An elderly fisherman wrote to a mail order
house the following: "Please send me one
of those gasoline engines for my boat you
show on page 438, and if it's any good, I'll
send you a check."

In a short time he received the following
reply: "Please send check. If it's any good,
we'll send the engine."

:lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

Two young men were out in the woods on a camping trip, when the came
upon this great trout brook. They stayed there all day, enjoying the
fishing, which was super.

At the end of the day, knowing that they would be graduating from
college soon, they vowed that they would meet, in twenty years, at the
same place and renew the experience.

Twenty years later, they met and traveled to a spot near where they
had been years before. They walked into the woods and before long came
upon a brook. One of the men said to the other, "This is the place!".

The other replied, "No, it's not!".

The first man said, "Yes, I do recognize the clover growing on the
bank on the other side.

To which the other man replied, "Silly, you can't tell a brook by
it's clover."

:lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

Camping Tips


Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter. Warning: Remove
lint from navel before applying the match.

Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his
favorite stump apart and eating all the ants.

A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A
hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between
your toes.

The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges.
Steer clear of those named for landfills.

While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the Swiss
Navy Knife has remained largely unheralded. Its single blade
functions as a tiny canoe paddle.

Modern rain suits made of fabrics that "breathe" enable campers to
stay dry in a downpour. Rain suits that sneeze, cough, and belch,
however, have been proven to add absolutely nothing to the
wilderness experience.

You'll never be lost if you remember that moss always grows on the
north side of your compass.

You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by climbing
into a plastic garbage bag with several geese.

The canoe paddle, a simple device used to propel a boat, should
never be confused with a gnu paddle, a similar device used by
Tibetan veterinarians.

When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you
something to wipe your nose on.

Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping. Shine
a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other ear, do
not go into the woods alone.

A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.

A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent side
dish. A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent
hockey puck.

In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by
shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband
of your underwear.

The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes
excellent kindling.

The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for generations. The
sight of a bald man, however, does absolutely nothing for the eagle.

It's entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on a winding
mountain road behind a large motor home.

Bear bells provide an element of safety for hikers in grizzly
country. The tricky part is getting them on the bears.

When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table
will keep the campsites on either side vacant.

In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka hood can be used to
strangle a snoring tent mate. :lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

Two Virginia rednecks go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment -
the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a
cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune!

The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing
happens on the second day, and on the third day. It

goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of
the men catches a fish.

As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other
and says, "Do you realise that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen
hundred bucks?"

The other guy says, "Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"

:lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

Two fishermen were out on the lake when one of them dropped
his wallet. As they watched the wallet float down to the depths
of the lake, a carp came along and snatched up the wallet. Soon
came another carp who stole it away and then a third joined in.
Remarked one of the fisherman, "That's the first time I've ever
seen carp-to-carp walleting." :lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

"Did You See That?"

Two guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says, "Did you see that?"

"No," the second guy says.

"Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead," the first guy says.

"Oh," says the second guy.

A couple of minutes later, The first guy says, "Did you see that?"

"See what?" the second guy asks.

"Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over
there."

"Oh."

A few minutes later the first guy says: "Did you see that?"

By now, the second guy is getting aggravated, so he says, "Yes, I did!"

And the first guy says: "Then why did you step in it?"

:lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car.

Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey, I don't want to tell
you how to do something... but I can tell you that it's much easier if you
drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the
ground."

After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it.

A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was
right. This is a lot easier!"

"Yeah," the other added, "but we're getting farther away from the truck...."

:lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended
when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck.
Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe
him.

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal
pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would
impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a
duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however,
did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never
getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a
duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it.

The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single
word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything
unusual about my new dog?"

"I sure did," responded the pessimist. "He can't swim."

:lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

A man was stopped by a game-warden in East Texas recently with two buckets
of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing. The game warden asked
the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?!" the warden asked.

"Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish
down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they
jump back into their buckets, and I take em home."

"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"

The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll
show you. It really works."

"O.K. I've GOT to see this!." The game warden was curious now.
The man poured the fish in to the lake and stood and waited. After several
minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, "Well ?"

"Well, What?" the man responded.

"When are you going to call them back?" The game warden prompted.

"Call who back?" The man asked.

"The fish." replied the warden.

"What fish?" The man asked. :lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being
introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them
around said, See that old man asleep in the chair by the fireplace? He
is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you'll never
forget. They awakened the old man and asked him to tell them a hunting
story. "Well, I remember back in 1944, we went on a lion hunting
expedition in Africa. We were on foot and hunted for three days without
seeing a thing. On the fourth day, I was so tired I had to rest my feet
I found a fallen tree, so I laid my gun down, propped my head on the
tree, and fell asleep. I don't know how long I was asleep when I was
awakened by a noise in the bushes. I was reaching for my gun when the
biggest lion I ever seen jumped out of the bushes at me like
this...... ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!....... I tell
you, I just messed my pants."

The young men looked astonished and one of them said, "I don't blame
you, I would have messed my pants too if a lion jumped out at me."

The old man shook his head and said, "No, no, not then, just now when I
said ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!"

:lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

"More Camping Tips"


You can compress the diameter of your rolled
up sleeping bag by running over it with your car.

Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo
camping. Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam
shines out the other ear, do not go into the woods
alone.

A two-man pup tent does not include two men or
a pup.

A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an
excellent side dish.

A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes
an excellent hockey puck.

You can start a fire without matches by eating
Mexican food, then breathing on a pile of dry sticks.

In emergency situations, you can survive in the
wilderness by shooting small game with a slingshot
made from the elastic waistband of your underwear.

The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite
makes excellent kindling.

A large carp can be used for a pillow.

Check the washing instructions before purchasing
any apparel to be warn camping. Buy only those
that read "Beat on a rock in stream."

The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for
generations. The sight of a bald man, however,
does absolutely nothing for the eagle.

It's entirely possible to spend your whole vacation
on a winding mountain road behind a large motor
home.

Effective January 1, 2001, you will actually have to
enlist in the Swiss Army to get a Swiss Army Knife.

Bear bells provide an element of safety for hikers
in grizzly country. The tricky part is getting them
on the bears.

In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka hood
can be used to strangle a snoring tent mate.



:lol:

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]

Man,this shit makes you want to go camping. :)

[vinoth]

lol, good ones :D

[Seedler]

awesome jokes! I'm on page2 :)

[helsing]

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,"Are there any gators around here?!"

"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"

"Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.

About halfway there he asked the guy,"How'd you get rid of the gators?"

"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said.

"The sharks got 'em."

:lol:

:D:D:D:D:D

[tralalala]

wow almost a 5 year bump.. that's loik gotta be a record.

[Aaxel21]

funny jokes