Emdee
09-09-2005, 02:04 AM
These ones are in spoiler tags cos they're a tad dirty :naughty:
A grungy old lumberjack, in town for the first time in weeks, went to the
local brothel and demanded the roughest, toughest and meanest girl in the
house.
"That'll be Mary," said the madam. "Go to Room Four, and I'll send her up."
"Fine,"said the lumberjack,"and tell her to bring a couple of beers."
In due time, Mary appeared. She put the two bottles of beer on the floor, took
off her negligee, positioned herself on her hands and knees and pointed to her
pussy.
"No! No!" exclaimed the lumberjack. "In the bed, the old-fashioned way!"
"Sure,pal," grunted Mary, "but I thought ya might want to open them beers
first."
_________________________________________
After attending a party for his boss, the life of the party was nursing a king-
size hangover and asked his wife, "What the hell happened?"
"As usual, you made an ass of yourself in front of your boss," replied the
wife.
"Piss on him," answered the husband.
"You did," said the wife, "and he fired you."
"Well, f*** him," said the husband.
"I did, and you go back to work in the morning."
_________________________________________
One night a man heard howls coming from his basement and went down to discover
a female cat being raped by a mouse. Fascinated by what he saw, the man
gained the mouse's confidence with some cheese and then took him next door.
The mouse repeated his amazing performance by raping a German Sheppard. The
man, very excited by this, was dying to show someone his discovery. He rushed
home and woke up his wife but before he could explain, she saw the mouse,
screamed, and covered her head with the blanket.
"Don't be afraid, darling," said the man. "Wait until I tell you about this."
"Get out of here!" cried his wife. "And take that sex maniac with you!"
_________________________________________
The young girl was having a heart-to-heart talk with her mother on her first
visit home since starting college. "Mom, I have to tell you," the girl
confessed. "I lost my virginity last weekend."
"I'm not surprised," said her mother. "It was bound to happen sooner or later.
I just hope it was a romantic and pleasurable experience."
"Well, yes and no," the pretty student remarked. "The first eight guys felt
great, but after them I got real sore."
_________________________________________
A young nun walking back to the convent for evening mass. It is quite late and
to save time she decides to take a short cut through a bad part of town. As
she is hurrying down an alley a man jumps out, grabs her and drags her into
his hovel. He then proceeds to take sexual advantage of her.
After he finishes he asks her what she is going to tell Mother Superior?
"Well", she said, "I have to tell the truth. I was hurrying back to mass when
a man dragged me into his house and raped me twice."
"Twice!", cried the man, "What do you mean. You said you would tell the
truth!"
"Well, if you're not too tired!"
_________________________________________
A young couple are going at it outdoors after a rain. At one point the guy
says, "Honey, is it in you or in the mud?"
"Why, it's in the mud."
"Well, put it in you."
Some more time passes, and the guy says again, "Honey, is it in you or in the
mud?"
"Why, it's in me."
"Well, put it back in the mud."
A grungy old lumberjack, in town for the first time in weeks, went to the
local brothel and demanded the roughest, toughest and meanest girl in the
house.
"That'll be Mary," said the madam. "Go to Room Four, and I'll send her up."
"Fine,"said the lumberjack,"and tell her to bring a couple of beers."
In due time, Mary appeared. She put the two bottles of beer on the floor, took
off her negligee, positioned herself on her hands and knees and pointed to her
pussy.
"No! No!" exclaimed the lumberjack. "In the bed, the old-fashioned way!"
"Sure,pal," grunted Mary, "but I thought ya might want to open them beers
first."
_________________________________________
After attending a party for his boss, the life of the party was nursing a king-
size hangover and asked his wife, "What the hell happened?"
"As usual, you made an ass of yourself in front of your boss," replied the
wife.
"Piss on him," answered the husband.
"You did," said the wife, "and he fired you."
"Well, f*** him," said the husband.
"I did, and you go back to work in the morning."
_________________________________________
One night a man heard howls coming from his basement and went down to discover
a female cat being raped by a mouse. Fascinated by what he saw, the man
gained the mouse's confidence with some cheese and then took him next door.
The mouse repeated his amazing performance by raping a German Sheppard. The
man, very excited by this, was dying to show someone his discovery. He rushed
home and woke up his wife but before he could explain, she saw the mouse,
screamed, and covered her head with the blanket.
"Don't be afraid, darling," said the man. "Wait until I tell you about this."
"Get out of here!" cried his wife. "And take that sex maniac with you!"
_________________________________________
The young girl was having a heart-to-heart talk with her mother on her first
visit home since starting college. "Mom, I have to tell you," the girl
confessed. "I lost my virginity last weekend."
"I'm not surprised," said her mother. "It was bound to happen sooner or later.
I just hope it was a romantic and pleasurable experience."
"Well, yes and no," the pretty student remarked. "The first eight guys felt
great, but after them I got real sore."
_________________________________________
A young nun walking back to the convent for evening mass. It is quite late and
to save time she decides to take a short cut through a bad part of town. As
she is hurrying down an alley a man jumps out, grabs her and drags her into
his hovel. He then proceeds to take sexual advantage of her.
After he finishes he asks her what she is going to tell Mother Superior?
"Well", she said, "I have to tell the truth. I was hurrying back to mass when
a man dragged me into his house and raped me twice."
"Twice!", cried the man, "What do you mean. You said you would tell the
truth!"
"Well, if you're not too tired!"
_________________________________________
A young couple are going at it outdoors after a rain. At one point the guy
says, "Honey, is it in you or in the mud?"
"Why, it's in the mud."
"Well, put it in you."
Some more time passes, and the guy says again, "Honey, is it in you or in the
mud?"
"Why, it's in me."
"Well, put it back in the mud."