Lets talk about something else

[Barbarossa]

Ummm, dunno what though. :dabs:

Anyone got any ideas?

I'm about to become a father, probably in the next 10 days or so. Any tips? :huh:

[ziggyjuarez]

Ask 15%

[ziggyjuarez]

We can talk about homos?

[HeavyMetalParkingLot]

What would you do if your child came home one day sporting an even steven with a temp taper hairdo? Would you still love your gay child?

[Barbarossa]

Ask 15%

Nahh, he seems drunk all the time these days... :dabs:

[Gripper]

Ummm, dunno what though. :dabs:

Anyone got any ideas?

I'm about to become a father, probably in the next 10 days or so. Any tips? :huh:
If you smoke get plenty in,make sure you get plenty of change for the coffee/coke machine,find a good book to take with you,if its the first can take a while.
Top up your mobile but remember you can't use it inside,fresh and spare batteries for the camera,make sure to clear the card.
Good luck:01:

[Barbarossa]

What would you do if your child came home one day sporting an even steven with a temp taper hairdo? Would you still love your gay child?

I think so... unless he talked complete and utter shite all the time, then I'd have to shave his head, kick his arse and send him to boot camp. :nono:

[manker]

Ummm, dunno what though. :dabs:

Anyone got any ideas?

I'm about to become a father, probably in the next 10 days or so. Any tips? :huh:
If you smoke get plenty in,make sure you get plenty of change for the coffee/coke machine,find a good book to take with you,if its the first can take a while.:unsure:

I think that was in the olden days. Last year I was in the delivery room, chatting to teh missus while either holding her hand or sitting on this cool birthing ball all the while telling the midwives exactly what they should be doing.

Actually, I was shitting myself and pretty quiet the whole time, not to mention almost passing out when I saw the afterbirth. The point I'm making is that they did their best to make sure I felt involved and kept me constantly updated - rather than ushering me out into the corridor to do some reading of novels. The time seemed to fly by, despite me getting no sleep for 36 hours or whatever.

If it is baby #1 then the best advice I can give is to take plenty of tissues :cry: :cry: :D

[Gripper]

When me missus passed out from exhustion and drugs the book came in handy,tissues are a good idea!!!

[Dark Steno]

what else?

[Gripper]

I hate dentists

[Barbarossa]

If you smoke get plenty in,make sure you get plenty of change for the coffee/coke machine,find a good book to take with you,if its the first can take a while.:unsure:

I think that was in the olden days. Last year I was in the delivery room, chatting to teh missus while either holding her hand or sitting on this cool birthing ball all the while telling the midwives exactly what they should be doing.

Actually, I was shitting myself and pretty quiet the whole time, not to mention almost passing out when I saw the afterbirth. The point I'm making is that they did their best to make sure I felt involved and kept me constantly updated - rather than ushering me out into the corridor to do some reading of novels. The time seemed to fly by, despite me getting no sleep for 36 hours or whatever.

If it is baby #1 then the best advice I can give is to take plenty of tissues :cry: :cry: :D

I can just see myself there saying "Hurry up babe, I'm on the last chapter!" :lol: :D

I don't think I'll be allowed to read a book. :huh: As manker says, they seem to want to get the fathers really involved these days. Personally, I'd be happy waiting outside in the corridor, or even in the pub.. :schnauz:

I'd prefer they got it all cleaned up tidy before they presented it to me... :dabs:

Everyone says that I'm gonna cry my eyes out when it's all over. I'm not convinced... :mellow:

[Gripper]

Just you wait till she grabs ya nuts instead of your hand,that'll do it :)

[Guillaume]

Everyone says that I'm gonna cry my eyes out when it's all over. I'm not convinced... :mellow:
That's when they give you the bill. :cry:

[Barbarossa]

Just you wait till she grabs ya nuts instead of your hand,that'll do it :)

:lol: I'll be keeping my distance ;)

[Gripper]

Everyone says that I'm gonna cry my eyes out when it's all over. I'm not convinced... :mellow:
That's when they give you the bill. :cry:
NHS freebie!!!

[Barbarossa]

NHS FTW :01:

However, I know I will be paying all the bills for the next 18 years... :mellow:

[brotherdoobie]

I watched all three of my children being born. I wish my wife would of left me out of the delivery room. Don't underestimate the yuck factor. It's fecking surreal.

I don't recommend cutting the umbilical cord yourself. I tried shirking the duty myself. (it seems to be a custom here.) My wife insisted.

Ughhhh! It felt like an alien penis and it was as tough as leather.

Congrats, Barbie. I think you'll do alright as a papa. :)

Peace bd

[Barbarossa]

Yeah, I'm going to get offered the cord to cut, :blink: but I draw the line at eating the placenta... :sick:

[brotherdoobie]

Yeah, I'm going to get offered the cord to cut, :blink: but I draw the line at eating the placenta... :sick:

I was never offered! :snooty:

Peace bd

[Barbarossa]

There are several sumptuous recipes around so that you can enjoy cooking and eating your placenta;
this one is for roasting it:-



Work on the basis that each placenta weighs approximately 1/6 of the baby's weight. To prepare a placenta, cut the meat away from the membranes with a sharp knife. Discard the membranes.


Roast Placenta

1-3lb fresh placenta (must be no more than 3 days old)
1 onion
1 green or red pepper (green will add colour)
1 cup tomato sauce
1 sleeve saltine crackers
1 tspn bay leaves
1 tspn black pepper
1 tspn white pepper
1 clove garlic (roasted and minced)

Method
(Preheat oven to 350 degrees)

1. Chop the onion and the pepper & crush the saltines into crumbs.
2. Combine the placenta, onion, pepper, saltines, bay leaves, white and black pepper, garlic and tomato sauce.
3. Place in a loaf pan, cover then bake for one and a half hours, occasionally pouring off excess liquid.

Serve and enjoy!

:sick: and double- :sick: :sick:

[brotherdoobie]

There are several sumptuous recipes around so that you can enjoy cooking and eating your placenta;
this one is for roasting it:-



Work on the basis that each placenta weighs approximately 1/6 of the baby's weight. To prepare a placenta, cut the meat away from the membranes with a sharp knife. Discard the membranes.


Roast Placenta

1-3lb fresh placenta (must be no more than 3 days old)
1 onion
1 green or red pepper (green will add colour)
1 cup tomato sauce
1 sleeve saltine crackers
1 tspn bay leaves
1 tspn black pepper
1 tspn white pepper
1 clove garlic (roasted and minced)

Method
(Preheat oven to 350 degrees)

1. Chop the onion and the pepper & crush the saltines into crumbs.
2. Combine the placenta, onion, pepper, saltines, bay leaves, white and black pepper, garlic and tomato sauce.
3. Place in a loaf pan, cover then bake for one and a half hours, occasionally pouring off excess liquid.

Serve and enjoy!
:sick: and double- :sick: :sick:

No red wine... amateurs. :snooty:

Peace bd

[Gripper]

Yeah, I'm going to get offered the cord to cut, :blink: but I draw the line at eating the placenta... :sick:
T'is nice lightly fried with onions?
Acceptable cannabilism???

[Barbarossa]

Add in some fava beans and a nice chianti... :pinch:

[Gripper]

sffsfsfsfsffsfsffsfsf

[Blythorama]

I had a friend who had a special ceremony after her daughter was born, where she, and all of the guests, ate some of the placenta before it was buried on a ley-line.

I didn't go. :sick:

[brotherdoobie]

I had a friend who had a special ceremony after her daughter was born, where she, and all of the guests, ate some of the placenta before it was buried on a ley-line.

I didn't go. :sick:

You didn't have anything to wear...right?

Peace bd

[Gripper]

I had a friend who had a special ceremony after her daughter was born, where she, and all of the guests, ate some of the placenta before it was buried on a ley-line.

I didn't go. :sick:

You didn't have anything to wear...right?

Peace bd

or you didn't have to wear anything:naughty:

[Blythorama]

You didn't have anything to wear...right?

Peace bd

or you didn't have to wear anything:naughty:


That would have been more like it. She's into woad daubing.

[Gripper]

Blue people Rock FTW:01:

[Blythorama]

Blue people Rock FTW:01:

That's because the woad contains hallucinogens. They can't help it.

Unless they are smurfs.

[brotherdoobie]

Blue people Rock FTW:01:
That's because the woad contains hallucinogens. They can't help it.

Unless they are smurfs.

I told the woad not to go to the Indigo Girls concert. Now the woad has
an inferiority complex.

Peace bd

[Barbarossa]

FTW = Fuck The Woad. :01:

[Blythorama]

FTW = Fuck The Woad. :01:


The Woad agrees.

[manker]

I had to Google 'woad daubing'.

Is this common in England 'cos everyone seemed to know exactly what it was 'cept me :dabs:

[Gripper]

Bloody ell call yourself Welsh,I thought you all still daubed the woad on a sat night and went binge drinkin

[thewizeard]

Ummm, dunno what though. :dabs:

Anyone got any ideas?

I'm about to become a father, probably in the next 10 days or so. Any tips? :huh:


The nights are going to be the worse...sleepless...months of it... :) luckily for children, nature has designed the critters to resemble their father, until they are old enough to escape on foot...

but dont worry, it only gets worse...:O

[manker]

Bloody ell call yourself Welsh,I thought you all still daubed the woad on a sat night and went binge drinkin
:ermm:

[GepperRankins]

what is it?

[manker]

Google it, like I had to.

Still duno properly tho' - I think it's painting people with lsd :ermm:

[GepperRankins]

Daubing their gentials with woad and prancing in lesbian abandon...

[Gripper]

T'eas what the Celts would do when they went into battle,paint themselves blue and charge semi naked into battle....with gay abandon

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v481/gripper103/celtman.jpg

manker on sat nights

[GepperRankins]

what's woad? and daubing?

[Gripper]

http://www.lost-civilizations.net/celtic-civilization-page-5.html

[GepperRankins]

http://www.lost-civilizations.net/images/celts/odinwarrior.gif

[Gripper]

Celtic warriors riding into battle on their "my little ponys"

[GepperRankins]

i just noticed it has 8 legs. wtf?

[DanB]

its fooking freezing :ph34r:

[manker]

I reckon it's even colder than that :ph34r:

[DanB]

Prolly is in my room. Cheapskate landlord didn't put a radiator in my room :dry:

[manker]

Prolly is in my room. Cheapskate landlord didn't put a radiator in my room :dry::dabs:

Portable heaters use up a twat load of leccy as well, hope your bills are included in teh rent - that'll teach him.

[DanB]

Nope, leccy is on a key meter, we all put a tenner on each :(

I'd feel bad caning everyone else's although I think I do anyway :lol:

[manker]

Sucks but they'll prolly understand since you don't have a radiator.

Fecking landlords :dry:

[GepperRankins]

tell him to catch one. that'll sort him

[Gemby!]

lets talk about sex, baby

or something else, i just wanted to say that

[GepperRankins]

gemby

gemby

gemby

[Gemby!]

your saying my name repeatedly when i said 'lets talk about sex, baby' is worrying .....

[Gripper]

:naughty: :naughty: :naughty:

[GepperRankins]

catch one, gemby

[manker]

your saying my name repeatedly when i said 'lets talk about sex, baby' is worrying .....Apparamentement, Dave says it over and over while indulging himself in an onanistic manner :naughty:

[Gripper]

catch one, gemby
I think thats what she's worried about:naughty:

[GepperRankins]

she was supposed to say what so i could say ctach one. when i went down to get food she and gripper posted. rooning it ol

[GepperRankins]

psi, i was nagging not doing that onomatopaeic thingy or whatever

[GepperRankins]

:snooty:

[Gripper]

Soz dave try agin

[GepperRankins]

gemby
gemby
gemby

[manker]

gemby
gemby
gemby
wanker, lol

[GepperRankins]

catch one!

[Guillaume]

http://www.lost-civilizations.net/images/celts/odinwarrior.gif
Odin goes to the Gay pride? :unsure:

[Blythorama]

Google it, like I had to.

Still duno properly tho' - I think it's painting people with lsd :ermm:


:lol: Yup. And running at your enemies whilst screaming and gurning in a fierce and intimidating manner.

Great stuff. :D