Skiz
11-22-2005, 12:09 AM
This is obviously a copy/paste from an email. Sorry if it comes out a bit screwy.
>> A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing
>>up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
>> The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
>>
>> When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door
>>neighbor.
>>
>> Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop
>>that towel,"
>>
>> After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and
>>stands naked in front of Bob.
>>
>> After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
>>
>> The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
>>
>> When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was
>>that?"
>>
>> "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
>>
>> "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800
>>he owes me?"
>>
>> Moral of the story: If you share critical information
>>pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you
>>may be in a position to
>> prevent avoidable exposure.
>>
>> Corporate Lesson 2:
>>
>> A priest offered a lift to a Nun.
>>
>> She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a
>>leg. The priest nearly had an accident.
>>
>> After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her
>>leg.
>>
>> The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
>>
>> The priest removed his hand.
>>
>> But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
>>
>> The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
>>
>> Priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
>>
>> Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
>>
>> On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm
>>129.
>>
>> It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
>>
>> Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job,
>>you might miss a great opportunity.
>>
>>
>>
>> Corporate Lesson 3:
>>
>> A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are
>>walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
>>
>> They rub it and a Genie comes out.
>>
>> The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
>>
>> "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk.
>>
>> "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a
>>care in the world."
>>
>> Poof! She's gone.
>>
>>
>>
>> "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in
>>Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless
>>supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
>>
>> Poof! He's gone.
>>
>> "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
>>
>> The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after
>>lunch."
>>
>> Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
>>
>>
>>
>> Corporate Lesson 4:
>>
>> A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
>>
>> A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all
>>day long?"
>>
>> The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
>>
>> So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
>>
>> A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
>>
>> Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must
>>be sitting very high up.
>>
>>
>>
>> Corporate Lesson 5:
>>
>> A turkey was chatting with a bull.
>>
>> "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,"
>>sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
>>
>> "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull.
>>
>> They're packed with nutrients."
>>
>> The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him
>>enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
>>
>> The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the
>>second branch.
>>
>>
>> Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at
>>the top of the tree.
>>
>> Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the
>>tree.
>>
>> Moral of the story: Bullshėt might get you to the top, but it
>>won't keep you there.
>> A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing
>>up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
>> The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
>>
>> When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door
>>neighbor.
>>
>> Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop
>>that towel,"
>>
>> After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and
>>stands naked in front of Bob.
>>
>> After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
>>
>> The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
>>
>> When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was
>>that?"
>>
>> "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
>>
>> "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800
>>he owes me?"
>>
>> Moral of the story: If you share critical information
>>pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you
>>may be in a position to
>> prevent avoidable exposure.
>>
>> Corporate Lesson 2:
>>
>> A priest offered a lift to a Nun.
>>
>> She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a
>>leg. The priest nearly had an accident.
>>
>> After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her
>>leg.
>>
>> The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
>>
>> The priest removed his hand.
>>
>> But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
>>
>> The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
>>
>> Priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
>>
>> Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
>>
>> On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm
>>129.
>>
>> It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
>>
>> Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job,
>>you might miss a great opportunity.
>>
>>
>>
>> Corporate Lesson 3:
>>
>> A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are
>>walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
>>
>> They rub it and a Genie comes out.
>>
>> The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
>>
>> "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk.
>>
>> "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a
>>care in the world."
>>
>> Poof! She's gone.
>>
>>
>>
>> "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in
>>Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless
>>supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
>>
>> Poof! He's gone.
>>
>> "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
>>
>> The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after
>>lunch."
>>
>> Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
>>
>>
>>
>> Corporate Lesson 4:
>>
>> A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
>>
>> A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all
>>day long?"
>>
>> The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
>>
>> So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
>>
>> A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
>>
>> Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must
>>be sitting very high up.
>>
>>
>>
>> Corporate Lesson 5:
>>
>> A turkey was chatting with a bull.
>>
>> "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,"
>>sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
>>
>> "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull.
>>
>> They're packed with nutrients."
>>
>> The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him
>>enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
>>
>> The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the
>>second branch.
>>
>>
>> Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at
>>the top of the tree.
>>
>> Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the
>>tree.
>>
>> Moral of the story: Bullshėt might get you to the top, but it
>>won't keep you there.