Why Americans Don't Learn English

[JPaul]

They don't intend going to England.

[enoughfakefiles]

The do speak engrish in a way thaey just can't speel properly.

[Santa]

Let's see...

Population of English
VS
Population of Americanos + Population of Microsoft english
= ?

[JPaul]

Nah, they speak American. Why not just call it that.

People who actually do use English should "get a life lol" apparentement.

[enoughfakefiles]

Nah, they speak American. Why not just call it that.

People who actually do use English should "get a life lol" apparentement.

lol

[Khan's Grape]

They don't intend going to England.

My mate Rod told me that only 1% of their population has a passport. Also, he went on to explain, 65% of their population wouldn't be able to find England on a world map. So it's little wonder they never intend to visit their betters.

[Yogs]

http://www.bezzer.co.uk/emails/images/BearRabbitJoke.jpg

[Yogs]

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.
The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"
The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?"

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.
Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired."
The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"

The soldier didn't say anything else. He leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.
An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out of the window."

[Busyman]

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.
The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"
The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?"

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.
Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired."
The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"

The soldier didn't say anything else. He leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.
An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out of the window."
:lol: :lol: :lol: Hilarious!!!

[JPaul]

The Dutch are really good at foreign languages.

[Santa]

The Dutch are really good at foreign languages.

as would any other country if they where surrounded by dominating nations and are so overly populated they get squeezed out.

My babe has an aunt, whom is of usian nationality, has lived in dis frozen fridge of a country for over 30 years, (norway) has brought up 3 sons here.
Here american accent which covers her norwegian like a hot juicy syrup is so atrocious it makes me cringe at every word.
Keeping a foreign accent can be cool, sexy and even a statement of holding onto national heritage.
Is it that she is plain deaf, stupid or merely unaware of this rape of pronunction, i have no clue.
maybe laziness?

[thewizeard]

The Dutch are indeed "good" at foreign languages however the Irish are the best, not to mention their power of diplomacy...the following discourse has been translated from Arabic into Engrish for your comfort... :)


Saddam Hussein is sitting at home when the phone rings. He picks it up and says "Hello". The voice at the end of the phone says "Hello Mr. Hussein, it's Paddy here. I'm just ringing to let you know that we've declared war on your country." SH smiles to himself, "Come on Paddy", he says, "there's no point you declaring war on us, you wouldn't stand a chance." Paddy replies, "No, no, we've had ourselves a meeting, and we've decided to declare war on you."
So SH says, "OK Paddy, now listen, I've got an air force of over a thousand planes, what kind of air force have you got to match that? It'd be over in no time." So Paddy says, "Well my lad's got himself a hot-air balloon, and my brother used to work at an airport." Hussein laughs, "Oh come on, you've not got a hope". "Hold on a sec, Mr. Hussein, ", Paddy says, "we'll just have a quick meeting." So off he goes and has a quick meeting. "Are you still there Mr. Hussein? Yes, well we've had our meeting, and we've decided that we're still going to declare war."
So SH says, "Right then Paddy, well you know, as well as the air force, we've also got about a thousand tanks. How are you going to match that." "Well," Paddy says, "I've got an old austin, and my cousin down the road has got a tractor." "Get real, " says SH, "that's no match at all." So
Paddy says, "Hold on, I'll just go and have another meeting." "Are you still there Mr. Hussein? Yes, well we've had our meeting, and we've decided that we're still going to declare war."
SH thinks this is just amazing, "Well how many soldiers have you got Paddy?". "Well," says Paddy, "there's me, my kid, me 4 cousins, and they all had sons, and there's Bill down the road.... I reckon I could get together about 30." Laughing openly now SH replies, "Come on Paddy, I've got 10,000 highly trained fighting men at my disposal. I think you'd better go and have another meeting." "I will", says Paddy, "I will."
"Are you still there Mr. Hussein? Yes, well we've had our meeting, and we've decided that we're not going to declare war on you after all." "At last, " replies SH, "What made you change your mind?" "Well, it's those 10 thousand soldiers you see. We can't declare war on you because we've not got the facilities to keep all those prisoners!"

[Busyman]

The Dutch are indeed "good" at foreign languages however the Irish are the best, not to mention their power of diplomacy...the following discourse has been translated from Arabic into Engrish for your comfort... :)


Saddam Hussein is sitting at home when the phone rings. He picks it up and says "Hello". The voice at the end of the phone says "Hello Mr. Hussein, it's Paddy here. I'm just ringing to let you know that we've declared war on your country." SH smiles to himself, "Come on Paddy", he says, "there's no point you declaring war on us, you wouldn't stand a chance." Paddy replies, "No, no, we've had ourselves a meeting, and we've decided to declare war on you."
So SH says, "OK Paddy, now listen, I've got an air force of over a thousand planes, what kind of air force have you got to match that? It'd be over in no time." So Paddy says, "Well my lad's got himself a hot-air balloon, and my brother used to work at an airport." Hussein laughs, "Oh come on, you've not got a hope". "Hold on a sec, Mr. Hussein, ", Paddy says, "we'll just have a quick meeting." So off he goes and has a quick meeting. "Are you still there Mr. Hussein? Yes, well we've had our meeting, and we've decided that we're still going to declare war."
So SH says, "Right then Paddy, well you know, as well as the air force, we've also got about a thousand tanks. How are you going to match that." "Well," Paddy says, "I've got an old austin, and my cousin down the road has got a tractor." "Get real, " says SH, "that's no match at all." So
Paddy says, "Hold on, I'll just go and have another meeting." "Are you still there Mr. Hussein? Yes, well we've had our meeting, and we've decided that we're still going to declare war."
SH thinks this is just amazing, "Well how many soldiers have you got Paddy?". "Well," says Paddy, "there's me, my kid, me 4 cousins, and they all had sons, and there's Bill down the road.... I reckon I could get together about 30." Laughing openly now SH replies, "Come on Paddy, I've got 10,000 highly trained fighting men at my disposal. I think you'd better go and have another meeting." "I will", says Paddy, "I will."
"Are you still there Mr. Hussein? Yes, well we've had our meeting, and we've decided that we're not going to declare war on you after all." "At last, " replies SH, "What made you change your mind?" "Well, it's those 10 thousand soldiers you see. We can't declare war on you because we've not got the facilities to keep all those prisoners!"
Prisoner?:huh: ..................:lol: :lol:

[Smith]

http://www.bezzer.co.uk/emails/images/BearRabbitJoke.jpg


:lol:

[Cheese]

http://www.bezzer.co.uk/emails/images/BearRabbitJoke.jpg

What's with the random capitalization?

[Busyman]

http://www.bezzer.co.uk/emails/images/BearRabbitJoke.jpg

What's with the random capitalization?
Grammar Police Alert!!!!!

[Cheese]

http://www.bezzer.co.uk/emails/images/BearRabbitJoke.jpg

And the frog fucks up in the penultimate panel with "your".

[Busyman]

http://www.bezzer.co.uk/emails/images/BearRabbitJoke.jpg

And the frog fucks up in the penultimate panel with "your".
Cue terrifying horrifying death inducing music!!!

Dun Dun DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

[Cheese]

http://www.bezzer.co.uk/emails/images/BearRabbitJoke.jpg

Also, why bother with three wishes each? The "joke" could have been accomplished with just one wish each. Would have saved on panels, and thus saved space when the cartoon is repeatedly quoted.

[Busyman]

http://www.bezzer.co.uk/emails/images/BearRabbitJoke.jpg

Also, why bother with three wishes each? The "joke" could have been accomplished with just one wish each. Would have saved on panels, and thus saved space when the cartoon is repeatedly quoted.
He's on a roll folks!!!!!

[JPaul]

Indeed, being right can be such a cnut.

[Cheese]

Obviously in my version the chase ends next to where the rabbit has stored his bike and bike gear:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v207/Withcheese/ilikebugbits.jpg

[Busyman]

Obviously in my version the chase ends next to where the rabbit has stored his bike and bike gear:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v207/Withcheese/ilikebugbits.jpg
Efficient, that man!!!!

...and yet another save by Cheese of The Grammar Police!!!!!

[Cheese]

Efficient, that man!!!!

...and yet another save by Cheese of The Grammar Police!!!!!

The saying, "Less is more" rings true in the case of exclamation marks. One will suffice for almost any occasion, and forming a small army of exclamation marks to attack your reader with excruciating force is entirely unnecessary. Another appropriate analogy would be the boy who cried exclamation mark. If you use it all the time then people will begin to realize that you really don't have anything to exclaim.

[Busyman]

Efficient, that man!!!!

...and yet another save by Cheese of The Grammar Police!!!!!

The saying, "Less is more" rings true in the case of exclamation marks. One will suffice for almost any occasion, and forming a small army of exclamation marks to attack your reader with excruciating force is entirely unnecessary. Another appropriate analogy would be the boy who cried exclamation mark. If you use it all the time then people will begin to realize that you really don't have anything to exclaim.
!!!!!:O GTFOOH :O !!!!!!

[Cheese]

The saying, "Less is more" rings true in the case of exclamation marks. One will suffice for almost any occasion, and forming a small army of exclamation marks to attack your reader with excruciating force is entirely unnecessary. Another appropriate analogy would be the boy who cried exclamation mark. If you use it all the time then people will begin to realize that you really don't have anything to exclaim. !!!!!:O GTFOOH :O !!!!!!
I shouldn't be that amazed that you have forgotten English altogether by this point.

[Busyman]

!!!!!:O GTFOOH :O !!!!!!
I wouldn't be that amazed if you haven't forgotten English altogether by this point.
Waht!!!!!!:unsure:

[Cheese]

I shouldn't be that amazed that you have forgotten English altogether by this point.
Waht!!!!!!:unsure:

Exactly.

[Proper Bo]

He's on a roll folks!!!!!

http://www.real153.com/img/cheese.jpg
:unsure:

[ziggyjuarez]

Thats a nasty peace of cheece 0_o

[crysmileyguy!]

:huh: this topic is more stupid than the bo guy...

[Dark Steno]

and you too.

[Darth Sushi]

They don't intend going to England.

My mate Rod told me that only 1% of their population has a passport. Also, he went on to explain, 65% of their population wouldn't be able to find England on a world map. So it's little wonder they never intend to visit their betters.
We don't visit...we invade :naughty: or fight wars you guys can't handle!

[Proper Bo]

:huh: this topic is more stupid than the bo guy...

the bo guy> you


:dabs:

[Dark Steno]

:huh: this topic is more stupid than the bo guy...

the bo guy> you


:dabs:
yup.

[JPaul]

My mate Rod told me that only 1% of their population has a passport. Also, he went on to explain, 65% of their population wouldn't be able to find England on a world map. So it's little wonder they never intend to visit their betters.
We don't visit...we invade :naughty: or fight wars you guys can't handle!
You forgot, "eventually and when it becomes personal". We are more au fait with what "ally" means, unlike the French.

[thewizeard]

:huh: this topic is more stupid than the bo guy...

:O Impossible ! :blink:

[Guillaume]

We are more au fait with what "ally" means, unlike the French.
What's that supposed to mean?

That remark, not the word "ally" before anyone tries to be a smartarse.

[JPaul]

We are more au fait with what "ally" means, unlike the French.
What's that supposed to mean?

That remark, not the word "ally" before anyone tries to be a smartarse.
It's meant to mean the French don't stick up for their pals.

But really I just wanted to use the term "au fait" in a sentence where I said the French didn't understand what something meant. A sort of cross language play on words.

[Busyman]

We don't visit...we invade :naughty: or fight wars you guys can't handle!
You forgot, "eventually and when it becomes personal".
Nah, that was back when the US tried to mind their own business.

Now, if some country attacked the UK, the US would be on them like stink on doo doo.

[Guillaume]

It's meant to mean the French don't stick up for their pals.
I got that part, thank you. I was just wondering which feat of "non-stickiness" you were alluding to.

[JPaul]

You forgot, "eventually and when it becomes personal".
Nah, that was back when the US tried to mind their own business.

Now, if some country attacked the UK, the US would be on them like stink on doo doo.
Oh, like the Falklands.

[JPaul]

It's meant to mean the French don't stick up for their pals.
I got that part, thank you. I was just wondering which feat of "non-stickiness" you were alluding to.
All of them.

[Guillaume]

Oh, alright. Go on then.

[Busyman]

Nah, that was back when the US tried to mind their own business.

Now, if some country attacked the UK, the US would be on them like stink on doo doo.
Oh, like the Falklands.
Oh yeah, if someone attacked Hong Kong, we should've jumped in too.

I doubt the US would have expected help if Puerto Rico were attacked. If France attacked the UK we probably wouldn't help unless it was needed...chucklechuckle.

Finally, now and over 2 decades ago ain't the same.:ermm:

[JPaul]

Oh, like the Falklands.
Oh yeah, if someone attacked Hong Kong, we should've jumped in too.

I doubt the US would have expected help if Puerto Rico were attacked. If France attacked the UK we probably wouldn't help unless it was needed...chucklechuckle.

Finally, now and over 2 decades ago ain't the same.:ermm:
So it's as of today and when you fancy it.

Sounds pretty much like a "no change there then".

[Cheese]

USA only win wars when we help them.

[Busyman]

Oh yeah, if someone attacked Hong Kong, we should've jumped in too.

I doubt the US would have expected help if Puerto Rico were attacked. If France attacked the UK we probably wouldn't help unless it was needed...chucklechuckle.

Finally, now and over 2 decades ago ain't the same.:ermm:
So it's as of today and when you fancy it.

Sounds pretty much like a "no change there then".
I forgot you need things spelled out for you and add "when you actually need it".

[JPaul]

So it's as of today and when you fancy it.

Sounds pretty much like a "no change there then".
I forgot you need things spelled out for you and add "when you actually need it".
No, you need to make yourself clearer.

So you decide when we need help, obviousement.

[JPaul]

USA only win wars when we help them.
That's actually true, I hadn't realized it before.

[Busyman]

I forgot you need things spelled out for you and add "when you actually need it".
No, you need to make yourself clearer.

So you decide when we need help, obviousement.
Well, you sure handled yourselves well...fighting Argentina. :dabs:

And no, I shouldn't have to make myself clearer. If I say if the the UK was attacked by another country, I shouldn't have to CaptainObviously say, "Well not any country and all countries."

Countries deal with problems that they handle on their own. Help is rendered when needed. If the Swiss attacked you, you would not need our help so the JPaul remark of, "Well then the US would not be on the Swiss like doo doo so you do not mean what you say" is not needed....unless stupidity is your stongest point.

[manker]

See, the problem is, Busy, that you decree that your prose is flawless, when it clearly isn't. Sometimes you just post absolute drivel and then say you meant something entirely different.

In this case, you were probably right with your original assertion. If any (really, any country) attacked the UK, then I believe that the US would do all it could to prevent hostilities. With it's huge economy, the US would be in a better position to impose embargos on certain countries than the UK would. That route would be explored first. A declaration of military solidarity would also be effective and cost nothing.

The situation wouldn't escalate to war without those two avenues being explored, thus the US would be helping the UK in any instance of threatened attacks. I'm sure that we would reciprocate if the situation is reversed.

Often, the best way of dealing with a small agressive person is not to beat the fuck out of him, but explain the folly and potential consequences of his ire.

The situation is different now to in the 80s, due in no small part to the Gulf wars. One of the only good things to come out of the two situations is the closer ties between our countries. If the UK was in a spot of bother and the US was in a better position to sort it, but the government refused; I don't think the US electorate would be best pleased.


Sometimes the obvious needs to be stated such that misunderstandings are avoided, the above is obvious to me but might put a new slant on it to someone else.

[Busyman]

See, the problem is, Busy, that you decree that your prose is flawless, when it clearly isn't. Sometimes you just post absolute drivel and then say you meant something entirely different.

In this case, you were probably right with your original assertion. If any (really, any country) attacked the UK, then I believe that the US would do all it could to prevent hostilities. With it's huge economy, the US would be in a better position to impose embargos on certain countries than the UK would. That route would be explored first. A declaration of military solidarity would also be effective and cost nothing.

The situation wouldn't escalate to war without those two avenues being explored, thus the US would be helping the UK in any instance of threatened attacks. I'm sure that we would reciprocate if the situation is reversed.

Often, the best way of dealing with a small agressive person is not to beat the fuck out of him, but explain the folly and potential consequences of his ire.

The situation is different now to in the 80s, due in no small part to the Gulf wars. One of the only good things to come out of the two situations is the closer ties between our countries. If the UK was in a spot of bother and the US was in a better position to sort it, but the government refused; I don't think the US electorate would be best pleased.


Sometimes the obvious needs to be stated such that misunderstandings are avoided, the above is obvious to me but might put a new slant on it to someone else.
Mmk. I do forget that those that seem intelligent..bookwise...are also like robots and will never "get it" without disclaimers.

I won't bother next time....with the disclaimer. I'll leave it to those that get it.

What may seem like drivel to you, isn't to someone else. I sometimes think that it's that 'tish sarcasm and then I'm thrown for a loop when I find that it's ignorance.

[manker]

I don't think you do get it.

You seem to be of the opinion that the US would only help if the UK was in trouble - if the UK was kicking arse, then you appear to think that the US would stand back and say 'well done, chaps' but little else.

I'm saying that the US would help before trouble arose in the guise of diplomatic solutions, a public declaration of military solidarity and, finally, military action - no matter which country it was.

[Biggles]

I thought the Americans did speak English - just that it is a 17th century version. An example of this would be Autumn. Autumn was common usage in England in the 14th century but by the 17th Fall was most commonly used. This in turn fell out of fashion and people returned to the older Autumn. The US simply stuck with Fall as that is what was commonplace at the time the colonies were founded.

It is a common mis-conception that US english has deviated from the mother tongue. However, it is, in fact, a version that has changed much less than original it sprang from. Empire and whatnot introduced a lot of expressions from India and Africa that are not used in the USA and the romantics of the 19th century resurrected a lot of older words such as Autumn. A fad that did not occur in the US.

[Busyman]

I don't think you do get it.

You seem to be of the opinion that the US would only help if the UK was in trouble - if the UK was kicking arse, then you appear to think that the US would stand back and say 'well done, chaps' but little else.

I'm saying that the US would help before trouble arose in the guise of diplomatic solutions, a public declaration of military solidarity and, finally, military action - no matter which country it was.
No I do get it.

You see I was talking about fighting, then and now. The US sticks it's nose everywhere so I left diplomacy as a given (actually out).

Nowadays with terrorism about, the US would jump in even without a plan (hinthint). I don't believe if the UK were fighting the Swiss, that we'd lend a substantial army to help. I mean their knives are helpful but hardly dangerous unless they have an army of Macgyvers.:ermm:

[Busyman]

I thought the Americans did speak English - just that it is a 17th century version. An example of this would be Autumn. Autumn was common usage in England in the 14th century but by the 17th Fall was most commonly used. This in turn fell out of fashion and people returned to the older Autumn. The US simply stuck with Fall as that is what was commonplace at the time the colonies were founded.

It is a common mis-conception that US english has deviated from the mother tongue. However, it is, in fact, a version that has changed much less than original it sprang from. Empire and whatnot introduced a lot of expressions from India and Africa that are not used in the USA and the romantics of the 19th century resurrected a lot of older words such as Autumn. A fad that did not occur in the US.
I remember having this same argument with someone awhiles back. Even j2 came in to point out that they are different languages.

I then said, "He understands me. I understand him."

There are too little differences to equate them as an entirely different languages.

American English (as it's called) to English does not equate to Italian to English.

[Biggles]

The Swiss are not a good example. They have an unbelieveably large and well organised self defence force (err,, it runs like clockwork :lookaroun ) and impossible terrain. It was that more than their neutrality that persuaded Mr Hitler to give them a miss - invading Swizterland would have tied up half the Wehrmacht.

[Cheese]

See, the problem is, Busy, that you decree that your prose is flawless, when it clearly isn't. Sometimes you just post absolute drivel and then say you meant something entirely different.

Quoted for the truth.

[Busyman]

The Swiss are not a good example. They have an unbelieveably large and well organised self defence force (err,, it runs like clockwork :lookaroun ) and impossible terrain. It was that more than their neutrality that persuaded Mr Hitler to give them a miss - invading Swizterland would have tied up half the Wehrmacht.
My bad.:unsure:

[JPaul]

No, you need to make yourself clearer.

So you decide when we need help, obviousement.

And no, I shouldn't have to make myself clearer. If I say if the the UK was attacked by another country, I shouldn't have to CaptainObviously say, "Well not any country and all countries."

If you say something with no conditions then it is reasonable for people to assume that it is unconditional. "The USA would help" is taken to mean just that. However "The USA would help, if it was required" is entirely different.

You use this "CaptainObviously" thing as if it was some sort of mystic incantation. Things may be obvious to you because they are in your head, that does not mean they are obvious to other people.

Any misunderstanding was entirely your fault.

[Busyman]

And no, I shouldn't have to make myself clearer. If I say if the the UK was attacked by another country, I shouldn't have to CaptainObviously say, "Well not any country and all countries."

If you say something with no conditions then it is reasonable for people to assume that it is unconditional. "The USA would help" is taken to mean just that. However "The USA would help, if it was required" is entirely different.

You use this "CaptainObviously" thing as if it was some sort of mystic incantation. Things may be obvious to you because they are in your head, that does not mean they are obvious to other people.

Any misunderstanding was entirely your fault.
You're a Gobot. :dabs: Actually I agree. The fault is mine....for addressing you. My apologies.

Added.

[Cheese]

Someone is having a hissy fit.

[enoughfakefiles]

Someone is having a hissy fit.

I think so coming out with relly harsh words like gobot :rolleyes:

[JPaul]

If you say something with no conditions then it is reasonable for people to assume that it is unconditional. "The USA would help" is taken to mean just that. However "The USA would help, if it was required" is entirely different.

You use this "CaptainObviously" thing as if it was some sort of mystic incantation. Things may be obvious to you because they are in your head, that does not mean they are obvious to other people.

Any misunderstanding was entirely your fault.
You're a Gobot. :dabs: Actually I agree. The fault is mine....for addressing you. My apologies.

Added.
I like it when yor realize you were wrong. You still try to make out it was the other person's fault.

It's cute.

[Dark Steno]

The Swiss are not a good example. They have an unbelieveably large and well organised self defence force (err,, it runs like clockwork :lookaroun ) and impossible terrain. It was that more than their neutrality that persuaded Mr Hitler to give them a miss - invading Swizterland would have tied up half the Wehrmacht.
Stukas away!!