hippychick
12-27-2005, 10:53 PM
I know its past xmas, but this still cracks me up...:lol:
Dear Santa,
I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I
really, really want a fire truck this year! Love, Joey
Dear Joey,
Let me make it up to you. Christmas Eve, while you sleep; I'm gonna
torch your house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what
to do with. Santa
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love
Teddy
Dear Teddy,
What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the
baby-sitter?
He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get
you some nice Legos instead.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
your reindeer outside the backdoor.
Love Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shit's and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You
want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and a nice,
Cuban cigar. Santa
Dear Santa,
I really, really want a puppy this year. Please, please, PLEASE! Jimmy
Dear Jimmy,
That whiney-begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap don't
work up here. You're getting another sweater.
Santa
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?
Your friend, Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most
of my time squeezing cocktail waitresses asses, and losing all my cash
at the craps table. Hey YOU wanted to know!
Santa
Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all
year.
Yer Friend, Billy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawn care
specialist.
How 'bout I send you a fricken book so you can learn to read and write?
I'm
giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!
Santa
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace
and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
Santa,
I need more Pokemon cards, please! All my friends have more Pokemon
cards than me. Please see what you can do.
Love, Michelle
Dear Michelle,
It blows my fricken mind. Kids are forcing their parents to buy
hundreds of dollars worth of these stupid cards, and none of you
snot-nosed brats are even learning to play the game. Let me get you
something more your speed, like "Chutes and Ladders."
Santa
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, play station, a train, some G. I. Joe's, a dog, a
drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis
Dear Francis,
Who the hell names their kid "Francis" nowadays?
Santa
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sl
like in the song?
Love, Jessica
Dear Jessica,
You are that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm skipping your
house.
Santa
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky
Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky"; that's why you're getting your
ass
whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a
low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your
pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams! Santa
Dear Santa,
I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I
really, really want a fire truck this year! Love, Joey
Dear Joey,
Let me make it up to you. Christmas Eve, while you sleep; I'm gonna
torch your house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what
to do with. Santa
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love
Teddy
Dear Teddy,
What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the
baby-sitter?
He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get
you some nice Legos instead.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
your reindeer outside the backdoor.
Love Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shit's and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You
want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and a nice,
Cuban cigar. Santa
Dear Santa,
I really, really want a puppy this year. Please, please, PLEASE! Jimmy
Dear Jimmy,
That whiney-begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap don't
work up here. You're getting another sweater.
Santa
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?
Your friend, Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most
of my time squeezing cocktail waitresses asses, and losing all my cash
at the craps table. Hey YOU wanted to know!
Santa
Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all
year.
Yer Friend, Billy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawn care
specialist.
How 'bout I send you a fricken book so you can learn to read and write?
I'm
giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!
Santa
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace
and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
Santa,
I need more Pokemon cards, please! All my friends have more Pokemon
cards than me. Please see what you can do.
Love, Michelle
Dear Michelle,
It blows my fricken mind. Kids are forcing their parents to buy
hundreds of dollars worth of these stupid cards, and none of you
snot-nosed brats are even learning to play the game. Let me get you
something more your speed, like "Chutes and Ladders."
Santa
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, play station, a train, some G. I. Joe's, a dog, a
drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis
Dear Francis,
Who the hell names their kid "Francis" nowadays?
Santa
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sl
like in the song?
Love, Jessica
Dear Jessica,
You are that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm skipping your
house.
Santa
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky
Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky"; that's why you're getting your
ass
whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a
low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your
pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams! Santa