WeeMouse
04-23-2003, 05:36 PM
My brother's girlfriend sent me these from work...i think they're pretty funny!
1. I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I
turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't
say a word... he knew better.
- Melinda Lowe, Seguin, TX
2. I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several
minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works
at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him
and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
- Colleen Collins, Ferndale, MI
3. My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind
the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at
your nuts." I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has
never let me forget.
Faye Emerick, Ellerslie, MD
4. While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her
after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told
her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I
saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening
after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were
doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank
with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me
were screams of laughter.
- Amy Richardson, Stafford, VA
5. A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally
got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag.
Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed
out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER
SIZE ."That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store
apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a
business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT
THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
- Diane E. Amov
6. Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on
him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in
between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying
my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my
seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny
had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and
he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and
I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you
didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have
had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one
more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up,
yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE
MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their
tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple
made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
7. This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true
story... We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to
have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob,
where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to
leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
1. I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I
turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't
say a word... he knew better.
- Melinda Lowe, Seguin, TX
2. I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several
minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works
at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him
and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
- Colleen Collins, Ferndale, MI
3. My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind
the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at
your nuts." I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has
never let me forget.
Faye Emerick, Ellerslie, MD
4. While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her
after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told
her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I
saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening
after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were
doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank
with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me
were screams of laughter.
- Amy Richardson, Stafford, VA
5. A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally
got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag.
Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed
out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER
SIZE ."That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store
apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a
business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT
THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
- Diane E. Amov
6. Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on
him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in
between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying
my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my
seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny
had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and
he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and
I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you
didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have
had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one
more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up,
yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE
MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their
tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple
made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
7. This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true
story... We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to
have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob,
where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to
leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!