baccyman
04-21-2006, 03:39 PM
Two men at a bar had been enjoying a few drinks for the past couple of hours and were pretty drunk when one of them notices a beautiful woman sitting in the corner.
One says to the other, "Jeez, I'd really like to dance with that girl."
The other man replies, "Well go ahead and ask her, don't be a chicken shit."
The man approaches the lovely woman and says, "Excuse me. Would you be so kind as to dance with me?"
Seeing the man is totally drunk the woman says, "I'm sorry. Right now I'm concentrating on matrimony and I'd rather sit than dance."
So the man humbly returns to his friend. "So what did she say?" asks the friend.
The drunk responded, "She said she's constipated on macaroni and would rather shit in her pants."
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A wealthy hospital benefactor was visiting the hospital when during her tour, she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.
”Oh my God,” screamed the woman, “That’s disgraceful! Why is he doing that?”
The doctor giving her the tour explained, “I am very sorry, but this man has a serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn’t do that five times a day, he’ll be in extreme pain and his testicles could rupture.”
”Oh, well in that case, I guess it’s ok,” said the woman.
In the very next room, they could see that a nurse was giving oral sex on another male patient.
Again, the woman screamed, “Oh my God, how can that be justified?”
The doctor replied, “Same illness, better health plan.”
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A woman was determined to get her newly retired husband some attractive leisure clothes. She went into a men's clothing store and told the salesgirl, "I'm looking for something youthful, something wild in a men's pair of slacks."
"Oh," sighed the salesgirl. "Aren't we all?"
One says to the other, "Jeez, I'd really like to dance with that girl."
The other man replies, "Well go ahead and ask her, don't be a chicken shit."
The man approaches the lovely woman and says, "Excuse me. Would you be so kind as to dance with me?"
Seeing the man is totally drunk the woman says, "I'm sorry. Right now I'm concentrating on matrimony and I'd rather sit than dance."
So the man humbly returns to his friend. "So what did she say?" asks the friend.
The drunk responded, "She said she's constipated on macaroni and would rather shit in her pants."
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A wealthy hospital benefactor was visiting the hospital when during her tour, she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.
”Oh my God,” screamed the woman, “That’s disgraceful! Why is he doing that?”
The doctor giving her the tour explained, “I am very sorry, but this man has a serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn’t do that five times a day, he’ll be in extreme pain and his testicles could rupture.”
”Oh, well in that case, I guess it’s ok,” said the woman.
In the very next room, they could see that a nurse was giving oral sex on another male patient.
Again, the woman screamed, “Oh my God, how can that be justified?”
The doctor replied, “Same illness, better health plan.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman was determined to get her newly retired husband some attractive leisure clothes. She went into a men's clothing store and told the salesgirl, "I'm looking for something youthful, something wild in a men's pair of slacks."
"Oh," sighed the salesgirl. "Aren't we all?"