baccyman
06-22-2006, 04:23 PM
A midget is riding a bus when a blonde steps on him.
“Hey you, brunette, watch where you're going,” yells the midget.
The blonde looks down and says, “I am not a brunette, I am a blonde.”
The midget replies, “Not from where I'm standing.”
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Q. What do a dildo and soy beans have in common?
A. THEY'RE BOTH IMITATION MEAT!
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One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightgown. "Tie me up," she purred, "And you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went golfing.
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Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent." "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of Chardonnay."
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Recent research shows that there are seven kinds of sex:
The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex
This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex
This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex
This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex
This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you."
The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex
Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.
The 6th kind is called: Courtroom Sex
This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone
And last, but not least, the 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex
You get a little each month. But not enough to live on.
“Hey you, brunette, watch where you're going,” yells the midget.
The blonde looks down and says, “I am not a brunette, I am a blonde.”
The midget replies, “Not from where I'm standing.”
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. What do a dildo and soy beans have in common?
A. THEY'RE BOTH IMITATION MEAT!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightgown. "Tie me up," she purred, "And you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went golfing.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent." "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of Chardonnay."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Recent research shows that there are seven kinds of sex:
The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex
This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex
This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex
This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex
This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you."
The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex
Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.
The 6th kind is called: Courtroom Sex
This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone
And last, but not least, the 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex
You get a little each month. But not enough to live on.