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06-25-2006, 11:44 AM
Pouring Ketchup

The full technical explanation
http://imgfly.com/files/250806_094813/ketchupusd5.png

http://imgfly.com/files/250806_094813/ketchupside5.png

Are you one of those people who taps at the bottom of an inverted ketchup bottle, waiting in frustration for the sauce to pour? I am speaking of traditional ketchup bottles, not squeeze tubes, wide-mouth jars, or bottles designed to stand on their heads. Have you ever wondered if there is a right way to do it – a way that works, and makes scientific sense?

Yes, folks, there is a right way to do it, and it does make sense. Here is how, and why:

First, let's look at the most common wrong way to do it. Remember the old "anticipation" commercials from the 1970s? The bottle is held upside down, then the hungry diner waits... and waits. Most people I know attempt to improve on this by tapping the bottom (that is, the upper end when the bottle is upside-down). That may help, but not necessarily for the reasons you imagine.
http://www.icogitate.com/%7Eergosum/recipes/ketchupusd2.png
Ketchup can be regarded as a highly viscous liquid, or a thixotropic (flows under pressure) solid. Neither term is exactly correct, but the problem is not what to call it. The problem is how to get the ketchup out of the bottle, in measured quantities, without making a mess.

In order for the ketchup to emerge, air must enter the bottle. With an ordinary liquid such as water, a very narrow (dropper) neck would prevent the displacement of water by, air, but even a ketchup bottle has a neck that is much too thick to prevent water escaping, and air rising in, when the bottle is inverted. In the case of ketchup, however, the sauce is thick enough that the gravitational pull on the ketchup does not suffice.

Ketchup will certainly fall, of its own accord. In the case of a partly empty bottle, tapping the base can expel some ketchup without the need for air to enter. This is because the air that is already inside the bottle can slightly de-pressurize. Tapping the inverted base may slightly liquify the ketchup, enough for some to drop out even though no air is taken in. But in a full bottle, the ketchup must move to the side so that the air can rise through the neck at the same time that the ketchup escapes. The weight of ketchup is not great enough for this to happen in most circumstances.

So, in the case of the full ketchup bottle, the problem can be divided into two issues: (1) How can I get the ketchup to move aside, so that air can enter on the opposite side? (2) How can I give the ketchup "extra weight," so that it will be pulled out of the bottle faster?

The first issue is solved by holding the bottle sideways, with a slight downward tilt, rather than upside-down. In this position, the ketchup naturally is pulled to the lower side of the neck, and the air naturally will channel along the higher side of the neck. Anyone who pours an ordinary liquid from a bottle knows this. Yet it is amazing how the experience is forgotten when it comes to ketchup.
http://www.icogitate.com/%7Eergosum/recipes/ketchupside2.png
Merely holding the bottle in the correct position is not very effective. It is necessary to "increase the weight" of the ketchup by applying some G-force. This can be done by making a fist, and tapping the bottle downwards against the fist, to bring the bottle to an abrupt halt. Don't hurt yourself! If your hands are delicate, you may try some other method of applying an abrupt stop to the bottle, provided that the stop is not rigid or fragile, and that you mind where the ketchup is going to emerge. Striking the bottle at the upper side of the neck is much less effective, since it applies the G-force in the wrong direction.

Tapping the inverted bottom of a full bottle – the customary way – is counterproductive. If you do that, most of the G-force will tend to keep the ketchup in the bottle. But now you know the right way, thanks to the amazing power of the Internet to unleash this kind of information. Of course, it would be possible to print instructions on the side of the ketchup bottle, but you wouldn't read them if they were there, now would you?


Footnote: A year after I posted this page, I happened to be in the same pub where I first got the idea to write about pouring ketchup. At a nearby table was a couple, who had ordered hamburgers. After the woman failed to get ketchup out of the bottle by using the various wrong ways shown above, the man showed how to do it the right way. The only difference is that he bumped the bottle against his open palm, rather than against his clenched fist. (That's a better idea, but I didn't have a graphic image of an open palm.)

I asked the man where he had learned the right way to get the ketchup. He told me that he learned it while stationed in Germany (U.S. Army) around 1985. I didn't think of asking whether he had learned it from the Army, or from the Germans.

Vyper1
06-25-2006, 12:49 PM
This really should be common knowledge by now. I've figured this out on my own when I was really little. My parents were shocked their 6 year old had solved this problem they had faced all their lives.

thewizeard
06-25-2006, 01:55 PM
These secrets have been locked away for centuries, in the vaults of the Ketchup Liberation Force aka KLF, headquarters. The revelation of which is very likely to lead to new hostilities and unrest on the board..Ron might even have escaped as he himself being chained to the wall in the ancient yet surprisingly trouble free Invision board dungeon :O ... This is 100% bad news...

Seedler
06-25-2006, 02:18 PM
Can we please get this pinned?

j2k4
06-25-2006, 02:40 PM
Can we please get this pinned?

Yes, please?

Buffalo
06-25-2006, 03:22 PM
does this apply to the Morrisons Squeezable 750g bottle?

:unsure:

peat moss
06-25-2006, 07:24 PM
Add water problem solved . OK I need to frequent better restaurants .

Barbarossa
06-26-2006, 10:16 AM
You people are in the dark ages. Ketchup comes in squeezy plastic bottles now. :no:

Skweeky1
06-26-2006, 06:48 PM
Except when you're a cheapskate like me and buy the supermarket's own brand in glass bottles :lol:

DanB
06-26-2006, 06:54 PM
D'oh :frusty:

tesco
06-26-2006, 09:04 PM
Neat, the secret is out. :O

thewizeard
06-27-2006, 07:29 AM
Finally a pinned topic, especially for the Ketchup Liberarion Force...now all you...

Bolognaise lovers...lets see you get one pinned :haha: :lol:

Barbarossa
06-27-2006, 08:34 AM
I can't believe they pinned this :frusty:

Skweeky1
06-27-2006, 08:39 AM
Muahahaha

KLF strikes again

We shall rise once more

NikkiD
06-27-2006, 03:03 PM
I've just sent word to General Ron. Heathens of the KLF, we will defeat you!!

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Skweeky1
06-27-2006, 03:30 PM
If only I knew where to find Razz...

but alas... after his horrid cucumber mutilation by General Ron he turned into a recluse and very possible joined the French legion

He will be remembered :(

Barbarossa
06-27-2006, 03:31 PM
Except when you're a cheapskate like me and buy the supermarket's own brand in glass bottles :lol:

If it's not Heinz, it's not proper ketchup :snooty:

Skweeky1
06-27-2006, 03:33 PM
I think I've got Heinz and a bottle of Tesco's own brand which I use for sauce mixes.

Like bolognaise :devil:

Buffalo
06-27-2006, 03:59 PM
Morrisons ftw! Besttest 100%

Thick & Delicious!

missie
06-27-2006, 04:35 PM
oooh the joy!!

I was just thinking we needed another sticky fred to scroll mindlessly past while waiting for all the fitbawl freds to load up.

Well done mods, well done. :happy:

Proper Bo
06-27-2006, 05:06 PM
:lol: :earl:

thewizeard
06-27-2006, 05:34 PM
I've just sent word to General Ron. Heathens of the KLF, we will defeat you!!

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

OMG....:cry:

Skweeky1
06-27-2006, 05:39 PM
Don't be afraid Ketchuparians.

We've won once before, we will win again

NikkiD
06-27-2006, 05:59 PM
You only won because our leader went into hiding!!!

HE WILL RETURN I TELL YOU!!!

In fact I think I saw him lurking (http://filesharingtalk.com/vb3/member.php?u=4979) recently. :snooty:

Skweeky1
06-27-2006, 08:07 PM
He bailed out.

Too afraid of the outcome for his persona he ran and went into hiding

thewizeard
06-28-2006, 04:19 AM
The truth is Ron was indeed visiting the KLF board when he was captured and taken into custardy he was found to be in possesion of documents relating to his known arsenal of weapons of mass destruction masturbation (http://www.lotsofjokes.com/cat_335.htm) . He is safely back in the Dungeons of the KLF.

MagicNakor
06-28-2006, 06:53 PM
:shuriken:

ziggyjuarez
06-29-2006, 04:34 AM
what a jackass

thewizeard
06-29-2006, 04:57 AM
what a jackass :O

Yes that is also our opinion of General Ron, however, even your knees would.."quiver" if confronted with one of General Ron's genetically moderated giant cucumbers ziggyjurez, why I would be confident to say even your post count would stagnate for a year or two..or are you a Bolognaise lover...

ziggyjuarez
06-29-2006, 05:32 PM
i know mush*

Rat Faced
06-29-2006, 11:27 PM
Muahahaha

KLF strikes again

We shall rise once more

Dont look now but theres a mole...

Ask her what her boyfriend likes....

thewizeard
06-30-2006, 07:15 AM
Muahahaha

KLF strikes again

We shall rise once more

Dont look now but theres a mole...

Ask her what her boyfriend likes....

:O I thought you were going to tell us the exact position of some mole on Skweeky1's body, Ratfaced...

Putting water in the wine is one thing, Skweeky1, but allowing your boyfriend to consume Bolognaise on the same table, ...

Next we shall hear you helped prepare that abomination and that it was consumed together with slices of Ron's genetically moderated cucuumbers...

A worrying thought arises...did you, nah...you wouldn't would you? :no2:

Skweeky1
06-30-2006, 09:04 AM
The truth is...

He does like bolognaise.

HOWEVER!

I do all the cooking in the house and silently add more ketchup to do the bolognaise sauce.

He always says he likes it so I secretly turned him into a ketchup lover.

How's that for commitment :D

Rat Faced
06-30-2006, 05:40 PM
Explain then how my Mayo has just about gone (despite my daughter, the only one that will touch the stuff, not being here), yet there appears to be plenty of Ketchup still.... :angry:

Skweeky1
06-30-2006, 06:14 PM
Completely untrue.

I've been asleep all this time and to my best knowledge, so has my boyfriend.

I think RF has developed multiple personality disorder and now LOVES mayonaise :D


GO KETCHUPARIANS!

lynx
07-01-2006, 12:26 AM
This thread says it all.

Ketchup lovers even have to be taught how to get the stuff out of a bottle. :lol:

CrabGirl
07-01-2006, 02:05 AM
Ketchup sucks. Foul stinking stuff, only good for adding to homemade bbq sauce in absence of tomatos. As far as I'm concerned, it can stay in the bottle.

thewizeard
07-01-2006, 03:03 PM
This thread says it all.

Ketchup lovers even have to be taught how to get the stuff out of a bottle. :lol:

..:sigh: Oh dear lynx, this pinned topic is obviously not intended for the members of the KLF, but actually, for the bolognaise lovers.. you not only seem to be without a tail, but without a head also ;)

lynx
07-01-2006, 07:37 PM
This thread says it all.

Ketchup lovers even have to be taught how to get the stuff out of a bottle. :lol:

..:sigh: Oh dear lynx, this pinned topic is obviously not intended for the members of the KLF, but actually, for the bolognaise lovers.. you not only seem to be without a tail, but without a head also ;)Why on earth would bolognese lovers want to get ketchup out of the bottle?

You obviously haven't thought this through.

sArA
07-01-2006, 10:14 PM
I like ketchup. :)

thewizeard
07-02-2006, 12:40 PM
This classified information, was ..leaked, so to speak (see info at the beginning of this thread) , for the benefit of all bolognaise lovers; out of the otherwise secure, KLF Invision (spam filter free) archive.

1337sk33t
07-15-2006, 04:15 AM
lol, why is this pinned? :S

thewizeard
07-15-2006, 06:04 AM
This is vital information for the BTF .....and why not? :)

Buffalo
07-17-2006, 09:44 AM
I've only just got the moves right.
http://www.santamaradona.org/misc/ketchup/ketchup.swf

thewizeard
07-17-2006, 12:09 PM
I've only just got the moves right.
http://www.santamaradona.org/misc/ketchup/ketchup.swf

:O
This is a fake, BTF propaganda... probably released by General Ron to create confusion... :no2:

MagicNakor
07-23-2006, 06:09 PM
Mostly because I was drunk and stoned at the time. But pouring ketchup is an important life-skill, especially for those destined to be bachelors for their lives. ;)

:shuriken:

Skweeky
07-29-2006, 02:30 PM
I agree...
It's all very well to be able to make Bolognaise ( :fear: ) but would you really want to waste time on that if you could just put ketchup on it and then go out for a drink to look for foxy ladies?

dml
08-12-2006, 07:05 AM
Thank you for this valuable information, life had lost all its meaning till I read this post. If i ever have to listen to that ketchup song again i will shoot myself. That song just made Spain look worse than it already was, which was hard believe me. (Yes I know, I'm Spanish)

Skweeky
08-14-2006, 07:54 PM
ThE KLF would like to take advantage of the occasion and clarify they have no bonds whatsoever with Las Ketchup.

This band was set up by the evil bolognaise lovers to make us look bad.

parkitny
08-16-2006, 09:02 AM
use your knife

85bhp
08-22-2006, 04:36 PM
What about smashing the bottle on the counter top edge? makes a mess but relieves the freustation. Best done at a restaraunt you don't loke

manker
08-22-2006, 04:40 PM
makes a mess but relieves the freustation. Best done at a restaraunt you don't lokeAre you Officer Crabtree from 'Allo 'Allo?

Gripper
08-27-2006, 07:40 PM
Ketchup in bolagnese sauce,how crass :snooty:

Barbarossa
08-29-2006, 01:41 PM
makes a mess but relieves the freustation. Best done at a restaraunt you don't lokeAre you Officer Crabtree from 'Allo 'Allo?

:glag:

RagingBull
09-01-2006, 05:43 PM
Poored the stuff for a very long time now with out a prob !!!!.

smeghead
09-03-2006, 11:03 PM
Well the method I always used all my life and saved me from banging on a lot of glass bottles is to insert a knife into the top of the bottle and remove some of the ketchup onto my plate holding the bottle sideways on.
Thus ensuring the ketchup flows freely when turned in a downward motion onto the plate without any banging of the bottle :-)

As for the people who don't like ketchup, what the hell do you put on your fries/chips? please not brown sauce, that's reserved for bubble and squeak and shepherd's pie obviously.

Additional: please don't buy Heinz products as they don't value their workforce and relocate their plants to LEDPs to save money.

MagicNakor
09-06-2006, 10:08 AM
Malt vinegar does chips nicely.

:shuriken:

ranjikvp
09-07-2006, 07:37 PM
now that i have the proper technical information i thing i can get it out properly thanks a lot 100%

pickle69
09-09-2006, 12:52 PM
lol. without this information i was nothing, but now there will be no stoping me
;) ;)

j2k4
09-09-2006, 01:47 PM
lol. without this information i was nothing, but now there will be no stoping me
;) ;)

Which makes you the pickle that cannot be...stoped? :huh:

MagicNakor
09-13-2006, 01:38 PM
The unstopable pickle.

:shuriken:

lamrin
10-12-2006, 02:10 PM
a little more power could splash the ketchup on the person sitting opposite to you.

thewizeard
10-13-2006, 07:21 AM
a little more power could splash the ketchup on the person sitting opposite to you.

:O You obviously have not read the first post... :P

omgwirjo
10-15-2006, 07:15 AM
I didn't know this. I am going to try it when I get a ketchup bottle; I currently have the squeeze bottle.

Suphix
10-16-2006, 09:26 PM
I didn't know this. I am going to try it when I get a ketchup bottle; I currently have the squeeze bottle.

LOL ditto. i love heinz in the squeeze bottle... only sometimes it comes out too fast and you got a little splash back.. but when i go to nando's next im defo going to try this :P lol

quasi449
11-07-2006, 02:28 PM
What is with people yelling at me for putting ketchup on my hotdog, they say it's not american. I was under the impression pretty much everyone used ketchup.

thewizeard
11-08-2006, 11:08 AM
What is with people yelling at me for putting ketchup on my hotdog, they say it's not american. I was under the impression pretty much everyone used ketchup.

You are of course correct quasi449 . Unfortunately there exists on this forum, a subversive group of Bolognaise lovers who spread disinformation to the regular peace loving Tomato ketchup lovers, abiding peacefully on this Board. hence the necessity for vigilance...Erm....You have surely heard of the deadly Hezbolognaise terrorist group, headed by the notorious Colonel Ron, currently held captive in the KLF archives?? :ph34r:

RainRoofer
11-08-2006, 08:47 PM
hahaha, roflmao quasi449

quasi449
11-09-2006, 08:01 PM
....

gatorade
11-20-2006, 06:08 PM
lol, you gotta love this stick heh

middleman
11-29-2006, 07:45 PM
is this real lmao

MagicNakor
11-30-2006, 10:58 AM
Of course.

:shuriken: