baccyman
07-12-2006, 02:34 PM
A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of an erotic sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she shakily hobbles the few feet across the store to the counter.
Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, she asks the sales clerk: "Ddddooo youuuu hhhave ddddildosss?"
The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies: "Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many models."
The old woman then asks: "Dddddoooo yyyouuuu hhhave aaa pppinkk one, tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt tttwoo inchesss thththiiickkk?"
The clerk responds, "Yes we do".
"Ccccccannnn yyyyouuuu tttelll mmmmeeee howwww ttttoooo ttturrrnnn ttthe ffuucccckkkkinggg ttthingggg offffff?"
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An elderly woman goes into a bar and orders a scotch and 7 drops of water. The bartender hesitates for a moment, but fixes the drink.
In a few minutes the old woman calls the bartender and asks for another scotch and 4 drops of water.
The bartender is getting a little suspicious, but fixes the drink and gives it to her.
A little while later, she calls the bartender over and asks for a last drink, but this time a scotch and 2 drops of water.
The bartender can't stand it any longer.
He says, "Lady, I have been doing this job for a long time and I will fix any drink you want. But I have got to ask, why the strange order? I have never seen anything like that before." To which the elderly lady says, "Sonny, at my age, I can hold my liquor, I just can't hold my water."
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A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location.
Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half, but accidentally sends her the bottom half of the picture.
He is really worried when he realizes that he has sent the wrong half. But then he remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is and hopes she won't notice.
A few weeks later, he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says:
"Thank you for the picture. You should change your hair style... it makes your nose look too short."
Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, she asks the sales clerk: "Ddddooo youuuu hhhave ddddildosss?"
The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies: "Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many models."
The old woman then asks: "Dddddoooo yyyouuuu hhhave aaa pppinkk one, tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt tttwoo inchesss thththiiickkk?"
The clerk responds, "Yes we do".
"Ccccccannnn yyyyouuuu tttelll mmmmeeee howwww ttttoooo ttturrrnnn ttthe ffuucccckkkkinggg ttthingggg offffff?"
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An elderly woman goes into a bar and orders a scotch and 7 drops of water. The bartender hesitates for a moment, but fixes the drink.
In a few minutes the old woman calls the bartender and asks for another scotch and 4 drops of water.
The bartender is getting a little suspicious, but fixes the drink and gives it to her.
A little while later, she calls the bartender over and asks for a last drink, but this time a scotch and 2 drops of water.
The bartender can't stand it any longer.
He says, "Lady, I have been doing this job for a long time and I will fix any drink you want. But I have got to ask, why the strange order? I have never seen anything like that before." To which the elderly lady says, "Sonny, at my age, I can hold my liquor, I just can't hold my water."
-----------------------------------------------------------
A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location.
Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half, but accidentally sends her the bottom half of the picture.
He is really worried when he realizes that he has sent the wrong half. But then he remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is and hopes she won't notice.
A few weeks later, he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says:
"Thank you for the picture. You should change your hair style... it makes your nose look too short."