baccyman
07-29-2006, 05:52 PM
A monastery decided to start a fish and chips store.
When the store opened, a client comes in, and asks one of the clerics: are you the fish fryer?
Oh, no, the cleric answers, I'm the chip monk!
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Dear Diary,
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-glazed energy efficient kind, but this week I got a call from the contractor, complaining his work had been completed a year ago and I had yet to pay for them.
Boy, oh boy, did we go around and around! Just because I'm a blonde does not mean I'm automatically stupid. So, I proceeded to tell him just what this fast-talking sales guy had told me last year - namely, that in one year, the windows would pay for themselves.
There was silence on the other end of the line, so I just hung up.
I have not heard anything back.
Guess I won that stupid argument.
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Two men lost their long-time drinking buddy to alcoholism. At the funeral, as they passed by the open casket, one remarked to the other, "Gee, Sam sure look good, doesn't he?"
The other replied, "Well, he ought to; he hasn't had a drink in 3 days."
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A grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson, who is coming to visit with his wife:
"You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T. There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T.
I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right.
Get in, and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell".
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow"?
"You're coming empty handed"?
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Mr. Baldwin, the biology teacher called on Mary, "Can you tell me the part of the body that, under the right conditions, expands to six times it's normal size, and state the conditions." Mary gasped and said in a huff, "Why, Mr. Baldwin! That is an inappropriate question and my parents are going to hear of it when I get home!"
She sat down, red-faced.
"Susan, can you tell me the answer?" asked Mr. Baldwin.
"The pupil of the eye, under dark conditions," said Susan.
"Correct. Now Mary, I have three things to say to you. First, you have not studied your lesson. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, boy are you going to be disappointed someday!"
When the store opened, a client comes in, and asks one of the clerics: are you the fish fryer?
Oh, no, the cleric answers, I'm the chip monk!
------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Diary,
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-glazed energy efficient kind, but this week I got a call from the contractor, complaining his work had been completed a year ago and I had yet to pay for them.
Boy, oh boy, did we go around and around! Just because I'm a blonde does not mean I'm automatically stupid. So, I proceeded to tell him just what this fast-talking sales guy had told me last year - namely, that in one year, the windows would pay for themselves.
There was silence on the other end of the line, so I just hung up.
I have not heard anything back.
Guess I won that stupid argument.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Two men lost their long-time drinking buddy to alcoholism. At the funeral, as they passed by the open casket, one remarked to the other, "Gee, Sam sure look good, doesn't he?"
The other replied, "Well, he ought to; he hasn't had a drink in 3 days."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson, who is coming to visit with his wife:
"You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T. There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T.
I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right.
Get in, and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell".
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow"?
"You're coming empty handed"?
---------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Baldwin, the biology teacher called on Mary, "Can you tell me the part of the body that, under the right conditions, expands to six times it's normal size, and state the conditions." Mary gasped and said in a huff, "Why, Mr. Baldwin! That is an inappropriate question and my parents are going to hear of it when I get home!"
She sat down, red-faced.
"Susan, can you tell me the answer?" asked Mr. Baldwin.
"The pupil of the eye, under dark conditions," said Susan.
"Correct. Now Mary, I have three things to say to you. First, you have not studied your lesson. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, boy are you going to be disappointed someday!"