baccyman
09-06-2006, 06:18 PM
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
"Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."
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The service station trade was slow. The owner sat around, With sharpened knife and cedar stick. Piled shavings on the ground.
No modern facilities had they, The log across the rill Led to a shack, marked His and Hers That sat against the hill.
"Where is the ladies restroom, sir?" The owner leaning back, Said not a word but whittled on, And nodded toward the shack.
With quickened step she entered there But only stayed a minute, Until she screamed, just like a snake Or spider might be in it.
With startled look and beet red face She bounded through the door, And headed quickly for the car. Just like three gals before.
She tripped and fell -- got up, and then In obvious disgust, Ran to the car, stepped on the gas, And faded in the dust.
Of course we all desired to know What made the gals all do The things they did, and then we found The whittling owner knew.
A speaking system he'd devised To make the thing complete, He tied a speaker on the wall Beneath the toilet seat.
He'd wait until the gals got set and then the devilish guy, would stop his whittling long enough, to speak into the mike.
And as she sat, a voice below struck terror, fright and fear "Will you please use the other hole? We're painting under here"
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One dark, cold wintry night George Washington was in retreat with a group of his soldiers from one of his early defeats on the battlefield.
With a weary little group of his men he entered a small town and went up to the first house and knocked on the door.
The lady of the house opened the door and Washington said, "Ma'am, I'm General Washington and I am trying to find a place for my men to sleep tonight. Do you have any extra beds in your house?"
The woman answered, "Oh, I have eleven children. I don't think so. But I do have one bed, if that will help you."
Washington turned around and called out, "Sergeant Cox, front and center."
The sergeant went on into the house and the group moved on to the next house, which unbeknown to Washington, was a "house of ill-repute."
The Madame came to the door and George told his sad story and asked if she had any beds for his men.
She said, "Do we have beds? How many men do you have?"
Washington looked around and said, "Fourteen without Cox."
The Madame said, "You gotta be kiddin?"
"Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."
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The service station trade was slow. The owner sat around, With sharpened knife and cedar stick. Piled shavings on the ground.
No modern facilities had they, The log across the rill Led to a shack, marked His and Hers That sat against the hill.
"Where is the ladies restroom, sir?" The owner leaning back, Said not a word but whittled on, And nodded toward the shack.
With quickened step she entered there But only stayed a minute, Until she screamed, just like a snake Or spider might be in it.
With startled look and beet red face She bounded through the door, And headed quickly for the car. Just like three gals before.
She tripped and fell -- got up, and then In obvious disgust, Ran to the car, stepped on the gas, And faded in the dust.
Of course we all desired to know What made the gals all do The things they did, and then we found The whittling owner knew.
A speaking system he'd devised To make the thing complete, He tied a speaker on the wall Beneath the toilet seat.
He'd wait until the gals got set and then the devilish guy, would stop his whittling long enough, to speak into the mike.
And as she sat, a voice below struck terror, fright and fear "Will you please use the other hole? We're painting under here"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One dark, cold wintry night George Washington was in retreat with a group of his soldiers from one of his early defeats on the battlefield.
With a weary little group of his men he entered a small town and went up to the first house and knocked on the door.
The lady of the house opened the door and Washington said, "Ma'am, I'm General Washington and I am trying to find a place for my men to sleep tonight. Do you have any extra beds in your house?"
The woman answered, "Oh, I have eleven children. I don't think so. But I do have one bed, if that will help you."
Washington turned around and called out, "Sergeant Cox, front and center."
The sergeant went on into the house and the group moved on to the next house, which unbeknown to Washington, was a "house of ill-repute."
The Madame came to the door and George told his sad story and asked if she had any beds for his men.
She said, "Do we have beds? How many men do you have?"
Washington looked around and said, "Fourteen without Cox."
The Madame said, "You gotta be kiddin?"