baccyman
09-14-2006, 08:41 AM
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
Q: Have you any grounds?
A: Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.
Q: No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
A: It made of concrete.
Q: I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
A: No, we have carport, and not need one.
Q: Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
A: We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.
Q: Does your wife beat you up?
A: No, I always up before her.
Q: Why do you want this divorce?
A: She going to kill me.
Q: What makes you think that?
A: I got proof.
Q: What kind of proof?
A: She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put in shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: "Polish Remover."
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I want to be a kid again. I want to go back to the time when:
Decisions were made by going “eeny-meeny-miney-mo.”
Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, “do over!”
Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in Monopoly.
Catching fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening.
It wasn’t odd to have two or three “best” friends.
Being old referred to anyone over 20.
The net on a tennis court was the perfect height to play volleyball and rules didn’t matter.
It was unbelievable that dodge ball wasn’t an Olympic event.
Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a sling shot.
Nobody was prettier than Mom.
It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the “big people” rides at the amusement park.
Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true. Abilities were discovered because of a “double-dog-dare.”
Saturday morning cartoons weren’t 30 minute ads for action figures.
No shopping trip was complete unless a new toy was brought home.
“Oly-oly- oxen-free” made perfect sense.
Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.
The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.
War was a card game.
Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle.
Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin.
Ice cream was considered a basic food group.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
Q: Have you any grounds?
A: Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.
Q: No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
A: It made of concrete.
Q: I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
A: No, we have carport, and not need one.
Q: Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
A: We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.
Q: Does your wife beat you up?
A: No, I always up before her.
Q: Why do you want this divorce?
A: She going to kill me.
Q: What makes you think that?
A: I got proof.
Q: What kind of proof?
A: She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put in shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: "Polish Remover."
------------------------------------------
I want to be a kid again. I want to go back to the time when:
Decisions were made by going “eeny-meeny-miney-mo.”
Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, “do over!”
Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in Monopoly.
Catching fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening.
It wasn’t odd to have two or three “best” friends.
Being old referred to anyone over 20.
The net on a tennis court was the perfect height to play volleyball and rules didn’t matter.
It was unbelievable that dodge ball wasn’t an Olympic event.
Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a sling shot.
Nobody was prettier than Mom.
It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the “big people” rides at the amusement park.
Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true. Abilities were discovered because of a “double-dog-dare.”
Saturday morning cartoons weren’t 30 minute ads for action figures.
No shopping trip was complete unless a new toy was brought home.
“Oly-oly- oxen-free” made perfect sense.
Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.
The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.
War was a card game.
Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle.
Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin.
Ice cream was considered a basic food group.