baccyman
10-05-2006, 06:22 PM
begging for a push
A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance!," says the husband, "it's 3 o'clock in the morning!!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked the wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"So, did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it's 3 o'clock in the morning, and it's pouring down rain!"
"Well mister, you certainly have a short memory'" says his wife. "Don't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped push us off the highway?" "I think you should help him, and you should also be ashamed of yourself."
The husband reluctantly does as he is told, he gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out in the dark, "Hello! Are you still there?"
"Yes" comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk.
--------------------------------------------------------
In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces.
"The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the actual brain yourselves.."
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news.
After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"
The doctor quickly responded,
"$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain."
The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.
A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?"
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure.
We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."
------------------------------------------------------
One day, a man asked his wife "Why did God make you so beautiful, yet so stupid?".
To this his wife replied, "Well...God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me... and he made me stupid, so I would be attracted to you."
----------------------------------------------------------
A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance!," says the husband, "it's 3 o'clock in the morning!!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked the wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"So, did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it's 3 o'clock in the morning, and it's pouring down rain!"
"Well mister, you certainly have a short memory'" says his wife. "Don't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped push us off the highway?" "I think you should help him, and you should also be ashamed of yourself."
The husband reluctantly does as he is told, he gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out in the dark, "Hello! Are you still there?"
"Yes" comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk.
--------------------------------------------------------
In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces.
"The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the actual brain yourselves.."
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news.
After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"
The doctor quickly responded,
"$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain."
The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.
A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?"
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure.
We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."
------------------------------------------------------
One day, a man asked his wife "Why did God make you so beautiful, yet so stupid?".
To this his wife replied, "Well...God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me... and he made me stupid, so I would be attracted to you."
----------------------------------------------------------