baccyman
10-30-2006, 03:33 PM
TOP TEN REASONS WHY TRICK-OR-TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX
10. You are guaranteed to get something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, nobody gets an attitude.
8. You can suck on a Tootsie Roll in public and no one cares.
7. You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.
6. Dressing up and fantasizing isn't considered kinky.
5. If you don't like what you get, you can just go next door.
4. The police don't care if you turn a few tricks.
3. You can ride a broomstick that's several feet long.
2. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
...and the number one reason trick or treating is better than sex...
1. YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.
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After a hardy rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and alleys, a young mother watched her two little boys playing in the puddle through her kitchen window.
The older of the two, a five year old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into the water hole. As the boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the mother ran to the yard in a panic.
"Why on earth did you do that to your little brother?!" she said as she grabbed the older boy in anger.
"We were just playing 'church' mommy," he said.
"And I was just baptizing him.....in the name of the Father, the Son and in... the hole-he-goes."
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A man picks up a young woman in a bar and convinces her to come back to his hotel.
When they are relaxing afterwards, he asks, "Am I the first man you ever made love to?"
She looks at him thoughtfully for a second before replying. "You might be," she says. "Your face looks familiar."
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A man was looking for a new caddy one day when his friend said, "I know a great caddy - he is 90 years old but he has eyes like a hawk."
"OK, then," said the man, "tell him I'm playing again in a week."
The week passed and they started to play. The golfer hit a perfect drive. He was so please with himself that he held his follow trough position for several moments. Unwinding, he said to the caddy, "Did you see where it went?"
The caddy said, "I sure did."
"OK, then, where is it?"
The caddy replied, "I don't remember."
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A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."
"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."
"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me."
10. You are guaranteed to get something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, nobody gets an attitude.
8. You can suck on a Tootsie Roll in public and no one cares.
7. You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.
6. Dressing up and fantasizing isn't considered kinky.
5. If you don't like what you get, you can just go next door.
4. The police don't care if you turn a few tricks.
3. You can ride a broomstick that's several feet long.
2. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
...and the number one reason trick or treating is better than sex...
1. YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After a hardy rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and alleys, a young mother watched her two little boys playing in the puddle through her kitchen window.
The older of the two, a five year old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into the water hole. As the boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the mother ran to the yard in a panic.
"Why on earth did you do that to your little brother?!" she said as she grabbed the older boy in anger.
"We were just playing 'church' mommy," he said.
"And I was just baptizing him.....in the name of the Father, the Son and in... the hole-he-goes."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man picks up a young woman in a bar and convinces her to come back to his hotel.
When they are relaxing afterwards, he asks, "Am I the first man you ever made love to?"
She looks at him thoughtfully for a second before replying. "You might be," she says. "Your face looks familiar."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man was looking for a new caddy one day when his friend said, "I know a great caddy - he is 90 years old but he has eyes like a hawk."
"OK, then," said the man, "tell him I'm playing again in a week."
The week passed and they started to play. The golfer hit a perfect drive. He was so please with himself that he held his follow trough position for several moments. Unwinding, he said to the caddy, "Did you see where it went?"
The caddy said, "I sure did."
"OK, then, where is it?"
The caddy replied, "I don't remember."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."
"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."
"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me."