hippychick
11-18-2006, 04:57 PM
One day my housework-challenged husband decided
to wash his Sweat- shirt. Seconds after he stepped
into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What
setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your
shirt?"
He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma ."
And they say blondes are dumb...
-------- ---------------------------------------------------
A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
"I am going to make you the happiest
woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
-----------------------------------------------------------
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack
says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey,
what do you think the neighbors would think if
I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money,"
she replied.
-----------------------------------------------------------
He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the
ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking,
sensitive man?
A: A rumor
-----------------------------------------------------------
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were
celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On
their special day a good fairy came to them and
said that because they had been so good that
each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world
with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise
tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion
30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat
him to death.
AMEN
-----------------------------
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
----------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
-----------------------------------------
Q: What does it mean when a man is in
your bed gasping for breath and calling
your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down
long enough.
---------------------------------------
Q: Why do men whistle when they are
sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end
they need to wipe.
--------------------------------------
Q: How do you keep your husband from
reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction
Manuals"
to wash his Sweat- shirt. Seconds after he stepped
into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What
setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your
shirt?"
He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma ."
And they say blondes are dumb...
-------- ---------------------------------------------------
A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
"I am going to make you the happiest
woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
-----------------------------------------------------------
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack
says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey,
what do you think the neighbors would think if
I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money,"
she replied.
-----------------------------------------------------------
He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the
ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking,
sensitive man?
A: A rumor
-----------------------------------------------------------
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were
celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On
their special day a good fairy came to them and
said that because they had been so good that
each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world
with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise
tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion
30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat
him to death.
AMEN
-----------------------------
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
----------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
-----------------------------------------
Q: What does it mean when a man is in
your bed gasping for breath and calling
your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down
long enough.
---------------------------------------
Q: Why do men whistle when they are
sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end
they need to wipe.
--------------------------------------
Q: How do you keep your husband from
reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction
Manuals"