baccyman
11-27-2006, 01:38 PM
A Texas gentleman asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an attractive woman.
The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, "This is from the gentleman seated over there," indicating the sender.
She regarded the wine coolly for a second, not looking at the man, and decided to send a reply note to the man. The waiter, who was lingering for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.
The note read:
"For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."
After reading the note, the Texan decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to return this to the woman.
It read:
"For your information, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600, a Porsche Turbo, Toyota Prius and Matrix, in my garage, beautiful homes in Aspen, Colorado and Miami and a 10,000 acre ranch in Texas . There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account.
But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut three inches off.
Just send the bottle back!!!"
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During a performance for the high school drama class at the local theatre, a hole was cracked in the stage floor. Subsequent acts managed to avoid the damaged area until little Freddy, juggling bowling pins, accidentally stepped through the hole up to his knee.
He apologized to the audience for his clumsiness. But a heckler in the back of the theatre shouted:
"Don't worry, Freddy! It's just a stage you're going through!"
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One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
And they say blondes are dumb...
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A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She explained to her mother, "Anthony proposed to me an hour ago." "Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.
"Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a Hell!"
Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."
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Becky and Sally Ann were doing some carpenter work on a house. Becky who was nailing down siding would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.
Sally Ann, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"
Becky explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away."
Sally Ann got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! Those nails aren't defective!
They're for the other side of the house!."
The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, "This is from the gentleman seated over there," indicating the sender.
She regarded the wine coolly for a second, not looking at the man, and decided to send a reply note to the man. The waiter, who was lingering for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.
The note read:
"For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."
After reading the note, the Texan decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to return this to the woman.
It read:
"For your information, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600, a Porsche Turbo, Toyota Prius and Matrix, in my garage, beautiful homes in Aspen, Colorado and Miami and a 10,000 acre ranch in Texas . There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account.
But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut three inches off.
Just send the bottle back!!!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
During a performance for the high school drama class at the local theatre, a hole was cracked in the stage floor. Subsequent acts managed to avoid the damaged area until little Freddy, juggling bowling pins, accidentally stepped through the hole up to his knee.
He apologized to the audience for his clumsiness. But a heckler in the back of the theatre shouted:
"Don't worry, Freddy! It's just a stage you're going through!"
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One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
And they say blondes are dumb...
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A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She explained to her mother, "Anthony proposed to me an hour ago." "Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.
"Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a Hell!"
Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Becky and Sally Ann were doing some carpenter work on a house. Becky who was nailing down siding would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.
Sally Ann, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"
Becky explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away."
Sally Ann got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! Those nails aren't defective!
They're for the other side of the house!."