baccyman
11-29-2006, 04:59 PM
Over the weekend I happened to catch a glimpse of some National Dog Show event as I flipped through the channels. The dog on the screen at the time was a white English sheepdog. It was simply a mound of fur with four legs. The judge was brushing back the dog's hair so she could look at the animal's eyes.
The TV announcer was explaining that each dog has to have its eyes checked to make sure they're the right shape, color, etc.
Another announcer chimed in with, "Well, plus the judge has to see if the dog HAS both of its eyes. 'Cuz if you start combing through all that hair and you only see ONE eye... then you're looking at the wrong end of the dog."
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A Cherokee Indian was a special guest at an elementary school. He talked to the children about his tribe and its traditions, then he shared with them this fun fact: "There are no swear words in the Cherokee language."
One boy raised his hand, "But what if you're hammering a nail and accidentally smash your thumb?"
"That," the man answered, "is when we use your language."
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ambiguities
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
I went to the bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash is hands with soap?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill him self, is it considered a hostage situation?
Is there another word for synonym?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
If a parsley famer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
The TV announcer was explaining that each dog has to have its eyes checked to make sure they're the right shape, color, etc.
Another announcer chimed in with, "Well, plus the judge has to see if the dog HAS both of its eyes. 'Cuz if you start combing through all that hair and you only see ONE eye... then you're looking at the wrong end of the dog."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Cherokee Indian was a special guest at an elementary school. He talked to the children about his tribe and its traditions, then he shared with them this fun fact: "There are no swear words in the Cherokee language."
One boy raised his hand, "But what if you're hammering a nail and accidentally smash your thumb?"
"That," the man answered, "is when we use your language."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ambiguities
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
I went to the bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash is hands with soap?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill him self, is it considered a hostage situation?
Is there another word for synonym?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
If a parsley famer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?