Funniest joke you've heard?

[jimbo12345]

I'm lacking good jokes for the Xmas parties that are coming.....put your funniest joke here!

Here's one i heard recently:

Two dyslexic skiers are arguing on the top of the slope....

Andy: "I'm telling you, the instructor said to zig-zag down the hill!!!!"

Steve: "No, he said zag-zig down the hill, not zig zag!"

Andy: "Ok, let's ask this guy here with the sledge...excuse me mate, do you zig-zag or zag-zig down the hill?"

Steve: "Sorry mate, can't help you, i'm a tobogganist"

Andy: "Oh, nevermind then. I'll have 20 cigarettes and a lighter please."

:P :P :P :P

[BrolyBoo]

its a bit raciest, no offensive to anyone to this fourm, its just a joke

What do you say when you see your tv floating in the air at night?



Put it down, nigga

[Chewie]

I'm lacking good jokes for the Xmas parties that are coming.....put your funniest joke here!

Here's one i heard recently:

Two dyslexic skiers are arguing on the top of the slope....

Andy: "I'm telling you, the instructor said to zig-zag down the hill!!!!"

Steve: "No, he said zag-zig down the hill, not zig zag!"

Andy: "Ok, let's ask this guy here with the sledge...excuse me mate, do you zig-zag or zag-zig down the hill?"

Steve: "Sorry mate, can't help you, i'm a tobogganist"

Andy: "Oh, nevermind then. I'll have 20 cigarettes and a lighter please."

:P :P :P :P
Did you hear about the...

...dyslexic devil-worshipper who sold his soul to Santa?

...dyslexic drug abuser who died choking on his own Vimto?

Sorry for any offence.
I used to be dyslexic, but I'm alright own.

[Chewie]

My favourite...

Today's the 70th anniversary of the invention of cat's-eyes.
The inventor got the idea for them when, as he was leaving his house one evening, he saw his pet cat's eyes shining in the dark as it came toward him.
Just think, if it had been walking away from him he would have invented the pencil sharpener.


Thank you, Mr Frank Carson.

[DanB]

A good one is

What do you call a black man flying a plane?


A pilot you racist!!

[jimbo12345]

A good one is

What do you call a black man flying a plane?


A pilot you racist!!


hehe...very good! Though i need a few jokes i can tell my colleagues, without fear of being called racist/sexist/ageist/istist...

BTW, i am dyslexic...so if i offended anyone with the joke, i also offended myself.

What does DNA stand for??
?








National Dyslexic Association

[jepson99]

love this one:

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.

[jimbo12345]

love this one:

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.

Hahaha....it wouldnt be so funny if it wasn't true!

USA hey....can't see the wood for the trees.

[jimbo12345]

I'm lacking good jokes for the Xmas parties that are coming.....put your funniest joke here!

Here's one i heard recently:

Two dyslexic skiers are arguing on the top of the slope....

Andy: "I'm telling you, the instructor said to zig-zag down the hill!!!!"

Steve: "No, he said zag-zig down the hill, not zig zag!"

Andy: "Ok, let's ask this guy here with the sledge...excuse me mate, do you zig-zag or zag-zig down the hill?"

Steve: "Sorry mate, can't help you, i'm a tobogganist"

Andy: "Oh, nevermind then. I'll have 20 cigarettes and a lighter please."

:P :P :P :P
Did you hear about the...

...dyslexic devil-worshipper who sold his soul to Santa?

...dyslexic drug abuser who died choking on his own Vimto?

Sorry for any offence.
I used to be dyslexic, but I'm alright own.

I dont get the Vimto one?

[Barbarossa]

love this one:

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.

Hahaha....it wouldnt be so funny if it wasn't true!

USA hey....can't see the wood for the trees.

It's not true, it's a very famous "urban myth" :dry:

http://www.snopes.com/business/genius/spacepen.asp

[Beetlejuice]

A new trainee gets a job in an undertakers ans his first day on the job, the mortician sends him down to prepare a young female for an open casket.
So downstairs he goes and a couple hours later he comes back and tells the mortician hes finished but says there is a problem.
Whats wrong asks the mortician?
the trainee says it probably wont matter but this girl has a prawn sticking out of her vagina.
What says the startled mortician, let me have a look.
The mortician has a look and laughs and says "thats not a prawn, its her clitoris"
Oh says the trainee, "it tasted like a prawn"

[Delorean]

Somewhere close to Canada a USA Aircraft Carrier was moving along a certain course when all of sudden there was a message:

Canadians: USA Aircraft Carrier change your course by an angle of 27 degrees or you will crash.

USA Aircraft: We will not be change course you change!

Canadians: We can't you change your course!

USA Aircraft: we will not change anything. You change course at once!

Canadians: We Can't change position USA Aircraft please move 27 degrees now!

USA Aircraft: This is the second bigger Aircraft carrier in the USA fleet 4 submarines 3 Destroyers and 2 Battleships are escorting this Aircraft Carrier. Change your course at once or we will have to take measures against you for the safety of the ship!

Canadians: This is Canadian Lighthouse do what you want!

this wasn't the funniest i've heard but i wonder how true this is! lol


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There was a kid and called for a taxi!
A taxi stopped he got in, after a few minutes the Taxi driver asked him:
Taxi Driver: if your parents were donkeys what would you be?
The kid answers: A little donkey.
Then the driver asks again: If your mother was a cow and your father a bull what would you be?
Kid: A little bull i guess.
Then the driver asks again: If your Mother was a Whore and your father a Bast**d what would you be?
And the kid answers: a Taxi Driver!

No offence to taxi drivers...

[Barbarossa]

Somewhere close to Canada a USA Aircraft Carrier was moving along a certain course when all of sudden there was a message:

Canadians: USA Aircraft Carrier change your course by an angle of 27 degrees or you will crash.

USA Aircraft: We will not be change course you change!

Canadians: We can't you change your course!

USA Aircraft: we will not change anything. You change course at once!

Canadians: We Can't change position USA Aircraft please move 27 degrees now!

USA Aircraft: This is the second bigger Aircraft carrier in the USA fleet 4 submarines 3 Destroyers and 2 Battleships are escorting this Aircraft Carrier. Change your course at once or we will have to take measures against you for the safety of the ship!

Canadians: This is Canadian Lighthouse do what you want!

this wasn't the funniest i've heard but i wonder how true this is! lol




Again, not true at all, simply made up for comedic effect. :P

http://www.snopes.com/military/lighthse.htm

The funniest thing about this story is that our perception of the American military make it extremely plausible that it could be true :whistling

[cpt_azad]

A good one is

What do you call a black man flying a plane?


A pilot you racist!!


hehe...very good! Though i need a few jokes i can tell my colleagues, without fear of being called racist/sexist/ageist/istist...

BTW, i am dyslexic...so if i offended anyone with the joke, i also offended myself.

What does DNA stand for??
?








National Dyslexic Association

:lol: Ok, even I find that one funny :P

[gatorade]

nice..heh
lol

[david02]

Did you hear about the...

...dyslexic devil-worshipper who sold his soul to Santa?

hahahaha that is very funny

[3radical]

love this one:

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.

in reality, the ink pen is useful b/c it doesn't smear and water resistance especially good for severe weather use or when doing surveying. as for $12billion, not sure if that's real but it will be really stupid of nasa if it was real--maybe the enron boys been running nasa

[newname]

nice one:):D:D:D


My favourite...

Today's the 70th anniversary of the invention of cat's-eyes.
The inventor got the idea for them when, as he was leaving his house one evening, he saw his pet cat's eyes shining in the dark as it came toward him.
Just think, if it had been walking away from him he would have invented the pencil sharpener.


Thank you, Mr Frank Carson.