baccyman
12-08-2006, 03:11 PM
The Baltimore Police Department, famous for it's superior K-9 unit, was somewhat taken back by a recent incident. Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first on the scene.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, clapped a hand to her head and moaned, "I come home from work to find all my possessions stolen, I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send a BLIND policeman."
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Harold is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night after dinner, he goes to a secluded garden behind the center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.
One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat, and before they know it,several hours have passed.
After a short lull in their conversation Harold turns to Mildred and asks, "Do you know what I miss most of all?"
She asks, "What?"
S-E-X!" he replies.
Mildred exclaims, "Why you old fart, you couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!"
I know," Harold says, "but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while."
"Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold's manhood.
Then, one night, Harold didn't show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was O.K. She walked around the senior citizen home where she found him sitting by the pool with another female resident, Ethel, who was holding Harold's manhood.
Furious, Mildred yelled, "You two-timing creep! What does Ethel have that I don't have?"
Old Harold smiled happily and replied,
"Parkinson's."
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The very snobbish wife was discussing the subject of Christmas presents with her maid.
"Now what about the butler?" the rich woman said.
"A set of wine glasses?" the maid suggested.
The woman frowned icily. "He doesn't really need that. A butler never entertains. He'll get a tie."
The maid grimaced, but said only, "What about a dress for Jenny, the serving girl?"
The woman frowned again. "She doesn't really need a new dress. She'll only get in trouble. We'll get her another apron."
The conversation continued in the same vein, and the maid was chafing At her employer's arrogance when they reached her husband.
"I assume you want to get him something he really needs, madam?" the maid replied.
"Of course," the woman replied.
"Then what about three more inches?" said the maid.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first on the scene.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, clapped a hand to her head and moaned, "I come home from work to find all my possessions stolen, I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send a BLIND policeman."
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Harold is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night after dinner, he goes to a secluded garden behind the center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.
One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat, and before they know it,several hours have passed.
After a short lull in their conversation Harold turns to Mildred and asks, "Do you know what I miss most of all?"
She asks, "What?"
S-E-X!" he replies.
Mildred exclaims, "Why you old fart, you couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!"
I know," Harold says, "but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while."
"Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold's manhood.
Then, one night, Harold didn't show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was O.K. She walked around the senior citizen home where she found him sitting by the pool with another female resident, Ethel, who was holding Harold's manhood.
Furious, Mildred yelled, "You two-timing creep! What does Ethel have that I don't have?"
Old Harold smiled happily and replied,
"Parkinson's."
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The very snobbish wife was discussing the subject of Christmas presents with her maid.
"Now what about the butler?" the rich woman said.
"A set of wine glasses?" the maid suggested.
The woman frowned icily. "He doesn't really need that. A butler never entertains. He'll get a tie."
The maid grimaced, but said only, "What about a dress for Jenny, the serving girl?"
The woman frowned again. "She doesn't really need a new dress. She'll only get in trouble. We'll get her another apron."
The conversation continued in the same vein, and the maid was chafing At her employer's arrogance when they reached her husband.
"I assume you want to get him something he really needs, madam?" the maid replied.
"Of course," the woman replied.
"Then what about three more inches?" said the maid.