View Full Version : government

12-15-2006, 04:04 PM
During a terrible storm, all the highway signs were covered with snow. The following spring, the state decided to raise all the signs twelve inches at a cost of six million dollars.
“That’s an outrageous price!” said a local farmer, “but I guess we’re lucky the state handled it instead of the federal government.” “Why’s that?”

“Because knowing the federal government, they’d decided to lower the highways.”
A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.
The doctors operated and advised him that all was well.

However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch.

Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.

Taped firmly across his pubic hair were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily. Written in large black letters was the sentence. "Get well quick..... from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week."
A Department of Agriculture representative stopped at a farm and talked with the old farmer."I'm going to inspect your farm. "The old farmer said, "You better not go in that field."
The Ag representative said in a wise tone, "I have the authority of the U. S. Government with me. See this card? I am allowed to go wherever I wish on agricultural land.

"So, the old farmer went about his farm chores. Later, the farmer heard loud screams and saw the Department of Agriculture rep running for the fence and close behind was the farmer's prize bull. The bull was madder than a full nest of hornets and the bull was gaining at every step.

The old farmer called out, "Show him your card!"
It was a terrible night, blowing cold and snow in a most frightful manner. The streets were deserted and the local baker was just about to close up shop when a little, old man slipped through the door. He carried an umbrella, blown inside out and was bundled in two sweaters and a thick coat.
But even so, he still looked wet, freezing and bedraggled. As he unwound his scarf, he said to the baker, "May I have two poppy seed bagels to go, please"?

The baker said in astonishment, "Two bagels? Nothing more"?

"That's right," answered the little man. "One for me and one for Sherry."

"And who is Sherry, your wife"? asked the baker.

"What did you think," snapped the little man, "that my mother would send me out on a night like this"?

12-15-2006, 04:43 PM
Thanks, liked the 3rd one the most.

12-18-2006, 11:35 PM
LOL - That was great!

12-20-2006, 03:10 AM
:lol: thanks alot

12-20-2006, 03:01 PM
Great one

12-20-2006, 09:14 PM
amazing, lol mate :D

12-21-2006, 07:46 AM
Great, thank you

12-22-2006, 03:42 PM
ahahah loll:D