baccyman
01-04-2007, 02:57 PM
There was a lonely woman at the nursing home who decided to buy a parrot because they could talk.
So she went to the pet store and bought a parrot. She asked the worker if he talked.
He said, "Yes. If you treat him right."
The next day, she tried to get the parrot to talk and he wouldn't so she went back to the pet store.
She said to the worker, "The parrot isn't talking to me. The worker said, "Buy him this ladder. He will climb up the ladder and then he will talk."
She went back to her home and put the ladder in his cage. The parrot climbed up the ladder but he still didn't talk.
So the next day she went to the pet store. She said to the worker, "The parrot still isnt talking but I bought him a ladder." The sales clerk said, "Buy him this mirror. He will climb up the ladder look in the mirror and then he will talk."
She went back to her house and put the mirror up. The parrot climbed up the ladder looked in the mirror and still didn't talk.
The next day she went to the pet store. She said to the worker, "My parrot STILL isn't talking!" The worker said "Buy him this bell. He will climb up the ladder look in the mirror, and then he will jump and ring the bell."
So that's what she did but the parrot STILL didn't talk.
Days later the parrot fell and died.
She went back to the pet store and said "My parrot died!"
The worker said "Did he say anything before he died?"
She said, "Yeah he said doesn't this lady buy any food!?"
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Two beggars are sitting on a park bench in Mexico City. One is holding a cross and one a Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions. People walk by, lift their noses at the man with the Star of David and drop money in the hat held by the man with the cross. Soon the hat of the man with the cross is filled and the hat of the man with the star of David is empty.
A priest watches and then approaches the men. He turns to the man with the Star of David and says: "Young man. Don't you realize that this is a Catholic country? You'll never get any contributions in this country holding a Star of David."
The man with the Star of David turns to the man with the cross and says: "Moishe, can you imagine, this guy is trying to tell us how to run our business?"
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Women's Nine Favorite Men The Nine Important Men in the Life of a Woman
1. THE DOCTOR: because he says, "Take off your clothes"
2. THE DENTIST: because he says, "Open wide"
3. THE HAIRDRESSER: because he says, "Do you want it teased or blown"
4. THE MILKMAN: because he says, "Do you want it in the front or the back"
5. THE INTERIOR DECORATOR: because he says, "Once it's in, you'll love it."
6. THE SHARE BROKER: because he says, "It will rise right up, fluctuate for a while and then slowly fall back again"
7. THE BANKER: because he says, "If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest"
8. THE HUNTER: because he "Goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and always eats what he shoots"
9. THE PHONE COMPANY GUY: because he says, "Would you like it on the table or against the wall?"
So she went to the pet store and bought a parrot. She asked the worker if he talked.
He said, "Yes. If you treat him right."
The next day, she tried to get the parrot to talk and he wouldn't so she went back to the pet store.
She said to the worker, "The parrot isn't talking to me. The worker said, "Buy him this ladder. He will climb up the ladder and then he will talk."
She went back to her home and put the ladder in his cage. The parrot climbed up the ladder but he still didn't talk.
So the next day she went to the pet store. She said to the worker, "The parrot still isnt talking but I bought him a ladder." The sales clerk said, "Buy him this mirror. He will climb up the ladder look in the mirror and then he will talk."
She went back to her house and put the mirror up. The parrot climbed up the ladder looked in the mirror and still didn't talk.
The next day she went to the pet store. She said to the worker, "My parrot STILL isn't talking!" The worker said "Buy him this bell. He will climb up the ladder look in the mirror, and then he will jump and ring the bell."
So that's what she did but the parrot STILL didn't talk.
Days later the parrot fell and died.
She went back to the pet store and said "My parrot died!"
The worker said "Did he say anything before he died?"
She said, "Yeah he said doesn't this lady buy any food!?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two beggars are sitting on a park bench in Mexico City. One is holding a cross and one a Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions. People walk by, lift their noses at the man with the Star of David and drop money in the hat held by the man with the cross. Soon the hat of the man with the cross is filled and the hat of the man with the star of David is empty.
A priest watches and then approaches the men. He turns to the man with the Star of David and says: "Young man. Don't you realize that this is a Catholic country? You'll never get any contributions in this country holding a Star of David."
The man with the Star of David turns to the man with the cross and says: "Moishe, can you imagine, this guy is trying to tell us how to run our business?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Women's Nine Favorite Men The Nine Important Men in the Life of a Woman
1. THE DOCTOR: because he says, "Take off your clothes"
2. THE DENTIST: because he says, "Open wide"
3. THE HAIRDRESSER: because he says, "Do you want it teased or blown"
4. THE MILKMAN: because he says, "Do you want it in the front or the back"
5. THE INTERIOR DECORATOR: because he says, "Once it's in, you'll love it."
6. THE SHARE BROKER: because he says, "It will rise right up, fluctuate for a while and then slowly fall back again"
7. THE BANKER: because he says, "If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest"
8. THE HUNTER: because he "Goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and always eats what he shoots"
9. THE PHONE COMPANY GUY: because he says, "Would you like it on the table or against the wall?"