baccyman
03-14-2007, 04:55 PM
An Irishman went to London for a visit to the zoo. While there, he saw a man with an elephant act. The man claimed the elephant could look at person and tell that person's age.
The Irishman was very skeptical and said so, in no uncertain terms. The man had the elephant look at a small boy and the elephant stamped its foot 9 times. "Is that right?" he asked the boy.
"Oh yes." the boy said.
The Irishman was very loud, in his not believing that this was true.
The man asked the elephant to tell the ages of several people, and each time the elephant stamped his foot and the people said he was correct.
The Irishman got even louder and more abusive toward the man.
Finally the man could take it no longer and wagered the Irishman that the elephant could look at him and tell him his age. The Irishman took him up on the wager.
The elephant looked real close at the Irishman, turned around, raised his tail and cut wind like you wouldn't believe, turned back around and stomped his foot twice.
Where upon the Irishman stumbled back and with a sound of disbelief in his voice cried "BeGabbers, He's right...Farty-two!"
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Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
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The young widow was kneeling at her husband's grave tending to the weeds, when she felt the grass rustle beneath her skirt.
She smiled and said "Easy sweetheart, you're dead now ya know."
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A man and his son were walking through a field, and saw two dogs mating. The little boy asked his Dad what was happening. The Father replied, "Well, son, they're making a puppy."
The following evening, the little boy was thirsty, so he went from his bed to get a glass of water. Not being able to reach the glasses, he walked unannounced into his parents bedroom, who were making love in their usual missionary position.
Confused, the boy asked what were they doing. The Dad responded very slowly and caringly to his impressionanle little boy, "Well, son, we are making you a little brother.
"The little boy replied ,"Please turn Mom over, Dad, I'd rather have a puppy!"
The Irishman was very skeptical and said so, in no uncertain terms. The man had the elephant look at a small boy and the elephant stamped its foot 9 times. "Is that right?" he asked the boy.
"Oh yes." the boy said.
The Irishman was very loud, in his not believing that this was true.
The man asked the elephant to tell the ages of several people, and each time the elephant stamped his foot and the people said he was correct.
The Irishman got even louder and more abusive toward the man.
Finally the man could take it no longer and wagered the Irishman that the elephant could look at him and tell him his age. The Irishman took him up on the wager.
The elephant looked real close at the Irishman, turned around, raised his tail and cut wind like you wouldn't believe, turned back around and stomped his foot twice.
Where upon the Irishman stumbled back and with a sound of disbelief in his voice cried "BeGabbers, He's right...Farty-two!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The young widow was kneeling at her husband's grave tending to the weeds, when she felt the grass rustle beneath her skirt.
She smiled and said "Easy sweetheart, you're dead now ya know."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man and his son were walking through a field, and saw two dogs mating. The little boy asked his Dad what was happening. The Father replied, "Well, son, they're making a puppy."
The following evening, the little boy was thirsty, so he went from his bed to get a glass of water. Not being able to reach the glasses, he walked unannounced into his parents bedroom, who were making love in their usual missionary position.
Confused, the boy asked what were they doing. The Dad responded very slowly and caringly to his impressionanle little boy, "Well, son, we are making you a little brother.
"The little boy replied ,"Please turn Mom over, Dad, I'd rather have a puppy!"