baccyman
03-20-2007, 02:41 PM
A golfer stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity.
He was driving his partner nuts, as he looked up, looked down, measured the distance, figured the wind direction and speed.
Finally, his exasperated partner said, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife's up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
His partner mumbled, "Forget it, man, you ll never hit her from here!"
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Drunk guy: "Here's hoping you're in Heaven ten minutes before the devil knows you're dead!"
Drunk girl: "What's that mean?"
Drunk guy: "It's an Irish toast."
Drunk girl: "Oh. Well, here's to bread, eggs and cinnamon."
Drunk guy: "Huh?"
Drunk girl: "That's French toast."
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An old lady says to her husband, "Want to go upstairs and screw?"
He says, "I don't think I can do both."
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Donald Duck walked into a drug store & asked for a packet of condoms.
"Certainly, Sir" said the lady behind the counter, "& shall I put them on your bill?"
"NO WAY!" replied Donald Duck, "What do you think I am, a Dickhead?"
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A blonde at a party, was telling her friend that she'd gone off men for life.
"They lie, they cheat, and they're just no good," she moaned. "From now on when I want sex, I'm going to use my tried and tested plastic companion," she said.
"What happens when the batteries run out?" asked her friend.
"That's simple," replied the blonde. "I'll just fake an orgasm as usual!"
He was driving his partner nuts, as he looked up, looked down, measured the distance, figured the wind direction and speed.
Finally, his exasperated partner said, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife's up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
His partner mumbled, "Forget it, man, you ll never hit her from here!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Drunk guy: "Here's hoping you're in Heaven ten minutes before the devil knows you're dead!"
Drunk girl: "What's that mean?"
Drunk guy: "It's an Irish toast."
Drunk girl: "Oh. Well, here's to bread, eggs and cinnamon."
Drunk guy: "Huh?"
Drunk girl: "That's French toast."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
An old lady says to her husband, "Want to go upstairs and screw?"
He says, "I don't think I can do both."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Donald Duck walked into a drug store & asked for a packet of condoms.
"Certainly, Sir" said the lady behind the counter, "& shall I put them on your bill?"
"NO WAY!" replied Donald Duck, "What do you think I am, a Dickhead?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde at a party, was telling her friend that she'd gone off men for life.
"They lie, they cheat, and they're just no good," she moaned. "From now on when I want sex, I'm going to use my tried and tested plastic companion," she said.
"What happens when the batteries run out?" asked her friend.
"That's simple," replied the blonde. "I'll just fake an orgasm as usual!"