Stupid things customers say throughout the day

[CrabGirl]

I pulled a cabernet sauvignon from the wine rack last night and it's gone off.

Ok sir, how did it taste?

Well, ok but it was very light.

What was the name of the wine?

Hampton Hill.

Sir, that's a rose wine. It's meant to be pink.

Oh.

[CrabGirl]

I had a strange bottle of wine yesterday. It had no cork in it.

No cork? Didn't it leak?

No! It was sealed. I tried to open it but broke my corkscrew! I want another corkscrew!

What did the seal look like?

Like a little cap.

So like a little screw-top then?

Yees..Oh.

[Chip Monk]

No, please, don't beat me again.

[GepperRankins]

now i know how people feel when i tell gaming anecdotes :emo:

[Chip Monk]

now i know how people feel when i tell gaming anecdotes :emo:

No, both of her stories were really funny.

Yours just make people feel sad. For you, not at you.

[Gripper]

I pulled a cabernet sauvignon from the wine rack last night and it's gone off.

Ok sir, how did it taste?

Well, ok but it was very light.

What was the name of the wine?

Hampton Hill.

Sir, that's a rose wine. It's meant to be pink.

Oh.

Why do they allow morons to buy fine wines if they cannot appreciate them.:pinch:
:lol:

[Chip Monk]

:lol:

Fine Rosé.

Isn't that like all oxymoronic.

[Barbarossa]

Yeah, they're good, but I prefer mulder's "internets for hairdressers" anecdotes :dabs:

[CrabGirl]

:lol:

Fine Rosé.

Isn't that like all oxymoronic.

Used to be. There's some super ones about nowadays though.

[Chip Monk]

It's a conditioned response.

Did you hear a wee bell when you read my post.

[Cheese]

I had a customer complain to me on the phone yesterday that they had booked a holiday for £1044.00 three months ago. They had just been online and it it was now £1036.00. :dabs:

[Chip Monk]

Send them a corkscrew.

We'll be all like :lol:

He'll be all like :blink:

[CrabGirl]

Cheese, do you want me to do that? :lol:

[CrabGirl]

Talking of which, customer pays for £2000 worth of wine with his SWITCH card, and then asks me for a free corkscrew.

[JPaul]

The last three times I bought cars, all new, I bought them with a SWITCH card.

I never once asked for a free corkscrew.

True story.

[CrabGirl]

Bet you demanded cupholders though didn't you.

[JPaul]

Nope, that's just crass.

[Mr. Mulder]

this one time i bought a corkscrew and got a free SWITCH card.

True story.

[CrabGirl]

I'm working at the Vintage Wine festival in London at the end of the month. If anyone wants a free corkscrew let me know. I'll have access to miillions.

They're the "Waiters Friend" ones, with a wee hingy thing in the middle.

[CrabGirl]

Fine. No one wants a corkscrew. Just fine.

[Skweeky]

I want a corkscrew.

For some reason, my corkscrews keep disappearing.

I think I may have an alcoholic squirrel in the house

[CrabGirl]

Then you shall have a corkscrew and some nifty little pourer thingies if I can get my hands on them,

[Skweeky]

Excellent!

[Gripper]

Are corkscrews any good for opening cans of beer,if so I'd like half a dozen ta.

[CrabGirl]

I suppose you could spike beer open if you wanted?

[Barbarossa]

glipper - don't you have ring-pulls in mansfield :blink:

[CrabGirl]

Real men do it with Teeth

[JPaul]

Real men do it with Teeth

:pinch:

[Barbarossa]

real men swallow the can whole and their stomach acid digests the metal :smilie4:

[CrabGirl]

Real Men already have beer for blood.

[tesco]

ive got lots of nice corkscrew thingys with hinges in the middle :yup:

I did a job at a place that used to be a fancy restaurant and was turning into a real estate office, and there were boxes of corkscrews in the back so I toook some. :/

What's a SWITCH card and why must it be spelt with all caps? :unsure:

[CrabGirl]

Thats them! Really good ones. No one here seems to want one, apart from skweeky!

I spelt it in capitals as i was incredulous that someone could spend that much money on a frivolous thing like wine straight out of their bank account, rather than using a credit card. I will italicise the next thing I want to emphasise.

[Barbarossa]

I like the ones that have got 2 arms that when you wind it down, they go up, and then you pull them down again to release the cork.

I could have explained that better :dabs:

[CrabGirl]

Ross, whilst you're here, what's your opinion on Pink Tools? The DIY kind, not the kind the smutty little feckers who pass as educated literate men will deliberatly misinterpret the phrase as. JP told me off for buying them, because you wouldn't like it. I personally think it's a really good tool set, and because it's pink, shows who does the fecking DIY in my house, including fixing the fecking boiler!

Edit: http://www.woolworths.co.uk/ww_p2/product/index.jhtml?pid=50707720

[Barbarossa]

http://img.alibaba.com/photo/50582325/Zinc_Alloy_Corkscrews.jpg

top left :dabs:

[CrabGirl]

I like the ones that have got 2 arms that when you wind it down, they go up, and then you pull them down again to release the cork.

I could have explained that better :dabs:

Before I used a "Waiters Friend" I could only use the ones with arms, and never those that pulled straight out. Now I just screw, bend the hinge, and screw again. I've never been happier.

[Barbarossa]

Too. Much. Innuendo. :pinch:

[CrabGirl]

it's brilliant! The teflon coated screw bit winds into the cork with no resistance, and the cork comes sliding out with ease.

[tesco]

Ross, whilst you're here, what's your opinion on Pink Tools? The DIY kind, not the kind the smutty little feckers who pass as educated literate men will deliberatly misinterpret the phrase as. JP told me off for buying them, because you wouldn't like it. I personally think it's a really good tool set, and because it's pink, shows who does the fecking DIY in my house, including fixing the fecking boiler!

Edit: http://www.woolworths.co.uk/ww_p2/product/index.jhtml?pid=50707720They're crap.
Why?
My pliers alone (or should I say 'ALONE'?) cost the same as that entire kit.:lol:

[Barbarossa]

Talk about a put-down :lol:

"His pliars alone" :glag:

[Virtualbody1234]

it's brilliant! The teflon coated screw bit winds into the cork with no resistance, and the cork comes sliding out with ease.

:pinch:

[tesco]

Talk about a put-down :lol:

"His pliars alone" :glag:actually, more.:lol:

$31 for that kit, $40 for pliers.:dry:

[Barbarossa]

You buy cheap, you buy twice :sage:

Having said that, I got a fantastic socket set for £6.99 from Robert Dyas. :ermm:

[CrabGirl]

Ross, whilst you're here, what's your opinion on Pink Tools? The DIY kind, not the kind the smutty little feckers who pass as educated literate men will deliberatly misinterpret the phrase as. JP told me off for buying them, because you wouldn't like it. I personally think it's a really good tool set, and because it's pink, shows who does the fecking DIY in my house, including fixing the fecking boiler!

Edit: http://www.woolworths.co.uk/ww_p2/product/index.jhtml?pid=50707720They're crap.
Why?
My pliers alone (or should I say 'ALONE'?) cost the same as that entire kit.:lol:


Actually, the picture doesn't do them justice. I've had shitter "men's" budget tools. They're sturdy beasties and were half price. I know they're not professional quality but they do the job. Getting the old toilet seat off the toilet, I had to jam the screwdriver under the stupid moulded wingnut underneath (the wings had rotted off and no amount of WD40 and plier or molegrip action would get them to move,) and stamp on it. The nuts came off but the screwdriver was intact, wasnt even chipped. :)

[CrabGirl]

Talk about a put-down :lol:

"His pliars alone" :glag:actually, more.:lol:

$31 for that kit, $40 for pliers.:dry:


Kit was half price in the sale. So $62/$40 ectually.