Why is it that

[Skweeky]

things you're trying to forget about have a tendency of coming up and slapping you in the face when you finally think you're over them?:cry:



Life sucks balls sometimes:angry:

[brotherdoobie]

I couldn't of said it any better, dear!
Life sucks balls sometimes...indeed!


-bd

[lynx]

If you go around sucking balls, things are bound to come up and slap you in the face once in a while.

[Sextent]

:drumthingy:

[Gripper]

Wassup skweeks?
We know BDs prob.

[Skweeky]

Went through a bit of a rough time a few years ago and thought I'd done the whole accepting and moving on thing.
Only to realise, that stupid things like smells and sounds still cause me flashbacks and I am no better off than 2 years ago.

It fucking sucks, that's what it does

[jimbo12345]

i asked my therapist the exact same question just last wednesday.

In my case, there's a case of dealing with it, or just blocking it. I block, and all of it has started to come out.

Advice he gave me was to talk the past out, bit by bit, realise that (in most cases) it can't hurt you, only me thinking about it and learning from it whatever you can.

Negative thoughts cause automatic emotions/actions, based on pre-defined self beliefs we have.

The example he gave me was:

"rich woman, successful career, great family, happily married. Suddenly, her husband leaves her. She breaks down, and starts thinking "whats wrong with me" "i'm fat" i did sometihng wrong" "i'm useless" "maybe other people think bad of me"

These negative self-beliefs stem from insecurites/thoughts we had about ourselves in the past. All of her questions, generally, have no basis. She cant blame someone elses actions on herslef (most of the time). She is not him. She's over-generalising/thinking the worst, which is the worst things.

Stabler people would just think, his lost. Fuck it. it hurts, but just get on with my life.

Maybe nothing to do with your story, but, helped me understand stuff.

[Gripper]

Scents are one of the biggest memory triggers.
Have you tried writing all the shit down and burning the letter,I did that shit and it helped some.

[Skweeky]

In fact, I've just written it down now, in an e-mail to that samaritan link Crabgirl posted in some other thread.
Find it too hard to talk about but I can write about it....

I tried therapy a few months ago but I don't think I was ready for it then. It wasn't helping me, only made me feel more confused and I couldn't talk about the things I actually wanted to talk about.
Maybe one day I'll be able to say it all out loud :)

[Biggles]

In fact, I've just written it down now, in an e-mail to that samaritan link Crabgirl posted in some other thread.
Find it too hard to talk about but I can write about it....

I tried therapy a few months ago but I don't think I was ready for it then. It wasn't helping me, only made me feel more confused and I couldn't talk about the things I actually wanted to talk about.
Maybe one day I'll be able to say it all out loud :)

As Ian Anderson once said Life is a Long Song

if it is too hard to say....sing it.

Might not make sence but it works.

[jimbo12345]

I tried therapy a few months ago but I don't think I was ready for it then. It wasn't helping me, only made me feel more confused and I couldn't talk about the things I actually wanted to talk about.
Maybe one day I'll be able to say it all out loud :)

I was the same. i´ve started therapy a few times, but wasn´t wanting to really be there, or wasn´t ready for it.

It´ll come though, and definitely will be worth it when you´re ready. My therapist said people only stick with therapy when they really want to be there and there body and mind is telling them "it's time to let this go".

As for the letter writing thing, my 1st therapist got me to do this. Instead of burning it, she said write a Dear (insert name of bastard/bitch here). And, while you write all the shit they did to you, at the end or beginning of each, say you forgive them. Even if you don't/can't.

She told me to keep it though. Read it every now and again if you want. Seeing the problem and the forgiving thing side by side helps with the healing.

[Lilmiss]

Knows where I am. ;)

[Tanner31593]

Ya know,
sometimes being slapped in the face is a good thing, i mean literally slapped though.

Like once i was slapped in the face by my friend on a bus when he was in a pissy mood, and it was quite dramatic....my glasses flew off and everything.........and now, looking back, it was pretty damn funny.
It's a great icebreaker..........."remember that one time when you slapped me" AHAHAHAhAHAHAHAHAHA.....

well that was out of the peanut gallery.....
say the things you want to say, because you never know when you wont be able to say them.

[Barbarossa]

i asked my therapist the exact same question just last wednesday.

In my case, there's a case of dealing with it, or just blocking it. I block, and all of it has started to come out.

Advice he gave me was to talk the past out, bit by bit, realise that (in most cases) it can't hurt you, only me thinking about it and learning from it whatever you can.

Negative thoughts cause automatic emotions/actions, based on pre-defined self beliefs we have.

The example he gave me was:

"rich woman, successful career, great family, happily married. Suddenly, her husband leaves her. She breaks down, and starts thinking "whats wrong with me" "i'm fat" i did sometihng wrong" "i'm useless" "maybe other people think bad of me"

These negative self-beliefs stem from insecurites/thoughts we had about ourselves in the past. All of her questions, generally, have no basis. She cant blame someone elses actions on herslef (most of the time). She is not him. She's over-generalising/thinking the worst, which is the worst things.

Stabler people would just think, his lost. Fuck it. it hurts, but just get on with my life.

Maybe nothing to do with your story, but, helped me understand stuff.

And how much exactly are you paying this charlatan for these pearls of nonsense :blink:

[popopot]

I don’t know if you’re into things like NLP and the like, but a technique called ‘re-framing’ helps me a lot. Basically, you just spin something around; so if something is depressing you or getting you down, you spin it around and put it in a positive view – one that makes you feel better and puts you in a positive frame of mind about yourself. Another alternative would be to get something that replaces whatever it is you keep thinking about. Reminiscing can be good if you remember the good times rather than the bad ones.

[Imagine_If]

things you're trying to forget about have a tendency of coming up and slapping you in the face when you finally think you're over them?:cry:



Life sucks balls sometimes:angry:

What things are you refering to Skweeky?

[Skweeky]

I don’t know if you’re into things like NLP and the like, but a technique called ‘re-framing’ helps me a lot. Basically, you just spin something around; so if something is depressing you or getting you down, you spin it around and put it in a positive view – one that makes you feel better and puts you in a positive frame of mind about yourself. Another alternative would be to get something that replaces whatever it is you keep thinking about. Reminiscing can be good if you remember the good times rather than the bad ones.



Rationally speaking I completely agree with you. Rationally speaking I could put all that into practice.
Emotionally speaking... I wouldn't know where to start :frusty:

[Biggles]

I don’t know if you’re into things like NLP and the like, but a technique called ‘re-framing’ helps me a lot. Basically, you just spin something around; so if something is depressing you or getting you down, you spin it around and put it in a positive view – one that makes you feel better and puts you in a positive frame of mind about yourself. Another alternative would be to get something that replaces whatever it is you keep thinking about. Reminiscing can be good if you remember the good times rather than the bad ones.



Rationally speaking I completely agree with you. Rationally speaking I could put all that into practice.
Emotionally speaking... I wouldn't know where to start :frusty:

Work sent us on one of these positive thinking "what's good about this" courses. I was pretty sceptical to be honest. A few days earlier my timing chain broke as I was overtaking a lorry going up a hill. It wrecked my engine and I only just managed to get off the road before ploughing into oncoming vehicles. He suggested that still being alive was the "good". Fair point I thought; but it didn't actually make me feel any more kindly towards Arnold Clark or mitigate my irate demands that they fix the car.

I think the moral of the tale is that these things have their limitations. If you are feeling slapped by life it is not easy to stick ones head above the parapet to see if the hand is still there. Most of these feelings are cyclical and linked to our own feelings of self worth and confidence.

I wasn't joking about having a sing. As a starter try Chumbawumba's Lard Tub Thumbing.

[jimbo12345]

And how much exactly are you paying this charlatan for these pearls of nonsense :blink:

850 RMB an hour (50-60 sterling pounds). Mad i know, but i needed it. A year ago, i would have said the same thing, but lost touch on reality and needed some help to get back on track.

[popopot]

If I was being a smart arse, I would just tell you to wear a peg on your nose and stick in some earplugs, but you are right, it is much easier to dish out the advice over the interweb than to try and explain how to execute it. I would suggest talking to a friend – someone that might know about what happened during that time, but definitely someone that you know will help you ‘spin’ the negatives into positives. Although, like Biggles said, it does have its limits, it might be a good place to start. Once you start, you should keep going until you get it all out and to a state where it won’t affect you again – not just as a quick fix for the moment.

Hmmm, where to start?

First, you need to get into a positive frame of mind: think/list about all of the good things that came from and since the event in question 2 years ago, e.g. has it made you a better, stronger person; all the achievements you have done since then as well; basically, why are you ace?

Second, think/list all of the bad/sad things that were brought up from the event in question 2 years ago and why they make you sad.

Third, ‘re-frame’ the sad things into happy/positive ones, or try to think ‘do I really need to be sad about this?’. You need reasons not be sad about whatever it is you are feeling sad about – perhaps why you’re in the good and whatever 2 years ago was is in the bad.

Its quite difficult to explain, but I think this how I would go about it.

[zapjb]

Shit comes & goes. If I'm ok to great with whom/what/how I'm doing. Then the shit xgf/friends/money doesn't devastate. It just bothers me on occasions.

[jimbo12345]

If I was being a smart arse, I would just tell you to wear a peg on your nose and stick in some earplugs, but you are right, it is much easier to dish out the advice over the interweb than to try and explain how to execute it. I would suggest talking to a friend – someone that might know about what happened during that time, but definitely someone that you know will help you ‘spin’ the negatives into positives. Although, like Biggles said, it does have its limits, it might be a good place to start. Once you start, you should keep going until you get it all out and to a state where it won’t affect you again – not just as a quick fix for the moment.

Hmmm, where to start?

First, you need to get into a positive frame of mind: think/list about all of the good things that came from and since the event in question 2 years ago, e.g. has it made you a better, stronger person; all the achievements you have done since then as well; basically, why are you ace?

Second, think/list all of the bad/sad things that were brought up from the event in question 2 years ago and why they make you sad.

Third, ‘re-frame’ the sad things into happy/positive ones, or try to think ‘do I really need to be sad about this?’. You need reasons not be sad about whatever it is you are feeling sad about – perhaps why you’re in the good and whatever 2 years ago was is in the bad.

Its quite difficult to explain, but I think this how I would go about it.

Isn't this rationalizing a situation, in a sense, and reprogramming your cognitive side to start with a positive foundation, rather than assuming/expecting the worst of situations? Skweeky remembers from a smell something shite that happened, so instead of automatically remembering the bad, you're associating positives to that situation/smell, which, if repeated, will become an automatic response to that situation, a positive one.

I know what i mean!:frusty:

[Skweeky]

Yeah, that's exactly what I mean.
It's not like I wake up in the morning, remember something bad and decide to brood on it all day.

It just happens and I have no control over it.
It's kinda hard to reprogramme yourself that way...

I think I read something a couple of years ago about a technique called 'brain-resetting.'
It involved regularly repeated noises ( like a clock ticking) whilst 're-feeling' the bad moments in your life. Apparently it should help dissociate.

[Biggles]

Yeah, that's exactly what I mean.
It's not like I wake up in the morning, remember something bad and decide to brood on it all day.

It just happens and I have no control over it.
It's kinda hard to reprogramme yourself that way...

I think I read something a couple of years ago about a technique called 'brain-resetting.'
It involved regularly repeated noises ( like a clock ticking) whilst 're-feeling' the bad moments in your life. Apparently it should help dissociate.

:O Or turn your brain to mush

There is a chap playing bagpipes badly in the glen, now is a golden opportunity - nothing turns the brain to mush faster than badly played bagpipes (well maybe violin).

There must be a gentler way to disassociate bad experiences from everyday events.

[Sextent]

And how much exactly are you paying this charlatan for these pearls of nonsense :blink:

:O :rolleyes: :tease: :schnauz: :angel_not