Is This Expense Justified?

[fugley]

I don't like unnecessary chores!

The bit with the lawn mower is cool but I don't like the tricky time consuming edges and borders and other obstacles, the rakin and grass collection, sweeping of the pathway, weedin and all that jazz.

So I have just invested in the laying of some Astro Turf, (that's plastic grass!). It's durable, hardwearing, always healthy looking - so no panics if there's is a hose pipe ban!

It won't die in a drought and it won't be killed off by even the harshest winter.

The neighbours don't realise what's goin on - one even commented today on how lush my lawn was lookin and wanted to know my secret! lol!

To throw everyone completely off the scent I have also purchased an Astro Turf Lawnmower!

To be honest I was really fucked off about this purchase! I got the thing out of the box and found it has exactly the same appearance as a Flymo Hover Mower, only difference being a real nasty lookin cheap sticker with the word "Astro" stuck partially over the Flymo label, only other difference is, it has no blade! This b*stard thing was four time the price of a Flymo!

Still I've got it now - so once a fortnight I will go through the pretence of mowing me lawn.

What do you think cool or just plain f*ckin dumb?

Discuss

[Somebody1234]

Why don't we all just pave over nature altogether! :angry:

[Riddler]

:D Way cool, cuz now you can paint some lines & stuff on it, build a dome over it and sell it to the next major league baseball team looking for a home field!
And....you get to be the official groundscrew cuz, like....it's your lawn, man ! ;)

[fugley]

Originally posted by Somebody1234@25 June 2003 - 18:03
Why don't we all just pave over nature altogether! :angry:
I did exam this cheaper option. However I really do love nature and sh*t and I concluded that paving slabs in place of a lawn are just a little drab.

:)

[Lilmiss]

fugley has more money than sense - discuss. :D

next essay; fugley has more hair than sense - discus...ting. ;)

should've bought a cow fugs, then you would only have to pick up cow-pats. :rolleyes:

[crazy_billy_bats]

Cutting one own's lawn is a downright tradition - Sundays especially.

The end of this is the downfall of society as we know it - what else will fat bastards do on Sundays? The obesity question therefore comes in to play.

Wise your ass up before you make wild suggestions about your horticultural activities.

[the_faceman]

Astro-Turf is NOT fun when you do a sliding-tackle playing football. On normal grass you get a grass-stain, on astro-turf you get a blood-stain usually.

But, hopefully you won't be having much more than a kick-a-bout on the lawn, unless it's really big. I think it's cool, although the astro-mower is taking it a bit far...i didn't even know they existed. A waste of electricity too, because i imagine it still has a motor to produce the sound or else it's pointless. well it's pointless anyways. i've got a feeling you're pulling our collective legs over the mower part.

[fugley]

Originally posted by lilmiss@25 June 2003 - 18:12
fugley has more money than sense - discuss. :D

next essay; fugley has more hair than sense - discus...ting. ;)

should've bought a cow fugs, then you would only have to pick up cow-pats. :rolleyes:
Why thank for you kind response lilmissy ..... er I think :blink:

I could perhaps buy a plastic cow and a plastic cow pat or two "Astro Turf Inc Corp"
do have an accessories brochure - that's where I found the "Astro Turf Flymo".

Apparently they do latex teen bellies too! :ph34r:

[Somebody1234]

just plain f*ckin dumb :P

[crazy_billy_bats]

Originally posted by fugley@25 June 2003 - 18:17

I could perhaps buy a plastic cow and a plastic cow pat or two "Astro Turf Inc Corp"

To save that just drop your own load in the middle of the night or sumthin - authentic look and everything.

Plus you'll save the 50p odd on plastic turds.

[fugley]

Originally posted by the_faceman@25 June 2003 - 18:15
Astro-Turf is NOT fun when you do a sliding-tackle playing football. On normal grass you get a grass-stain, on astro-turf you get a blood-stain usually.

But, hopefully you won't be having much more than a kick-a-bout on the lawn, unless it's really big. I think it's cool, although the astro-mower is taking it a bit far...i didn't even know they existed. A waste of electricity too, because i imagine it still has a motor to produce the sound or else it's pointless. well it's pointless anyways. i've got a feeling you're pulling our collective legs over the mower part.
Actually I've found a way of economising on the Flymo thing but leaving the effect intact. I noticed you can purchase 90 min cassette (available in the "Astro turf" Accessories" brochure) of lawn mower noise which you can play whilst the pretence is in duration. I believe my modest gramophone system with cassette deck will produce a convincing enough racket. Of course I will need to position the speakers to maximise the effect.

:)

[fugley]

Originally posted by lilmiss@25 June 2003 - 18:12

next essay; fugley has more hair than sense - discus...ting. ;)


Spect they do "astro hair" too! ;)

[crazy_billy_bats]

Originally posted by fugley@25 June 2003 - 18:23
I believe my modest gramophone system with cassette deck will produce a convincing enough racket. Of course I will need to position the speakers to maximise the effect.

:)
It'll be tough but position it right and you'll pull it off mate ;)

what if an electrical fault occurs, or the tape accidently gets caught in the player, whilst you are still moving the mower, then the potential for deep embarrassment and resentment gets bigger.

[Lilmiss]

Originally posted by fugley@25 June 2003 - 18:17


Apparently they do latex teen bellies too! :ph34r:
if youre refering to me.....im twenty god damned five! (im 26 on "all souls day", hint hint. ;) and im not the eejit that bought fake grass. :P what are you gonna smoke now? fool! :D

[fugley]

Originally posted by crazy_billy_bats@25 June 2003 - 18:20

Plus you'll save the 50p odd on plastic turds.
Actually my friend they are called "Astro Brownies" It's an American Brochure (Heaven Smile On America!) They always find sanatory ways to speak of embarassing stuff!

[the_faceman]

what if an electrical fault occurs, or the tape accidently gets caught in the player, whilst you are still moving the mower, then the potential for deep embarrassment and resentment gets bigger.

he should just keep a bottle of ketchup with him at all times, and if said incident occurs, spray liberally around the mower and himself, and lie on the ground screaming.

beware though, as pointed out in "Astro-Lawns: Keeping Up With The Jones - A Guide" that if the tape screws up in such a way that the tape fast forwards, resulting in a high-pitched whine, then the only solution to avoid embarrassment, is to run around the garden at extreme speed with the mower, chasing scantily clad ladies, humming the tune from "Benny Hill".
:P

[fugley]

Originally posted by lilmiss@25 June 2003 - 18:28
(im 26 on "all souls day", hint hint. ;)
I'm 39 on Arsholes day! LOL! :D

[crazy_billy_bats]

Originally posted by the_faceman@25 June 2003 - 18:34

he should just keep a bottle of ketchup with him at all times, and if said incident occurs, spray liberally around the mower and himself, and lie on the ground screaming.

beware though, as pointed out in "Astro-Lawns: Keeping Up With The Jones - A Guide" that if the tape screws up in such a way that the tape fast forwards, resulting in a high-pitched whine, then the only solution to avoid embarrassment, is to run around the garden at extreme speed with the mower, chasing scantily clad ladies, humming the tune from "Benny Hill".
:P
:lol: :lol:
pmsl !!!!!!!!!


well there would have to be some sort of "pouch" with which to store the ketchup for easy withdrawal and disposal. Plus, there is no guarantee whatsoever that neighbours wont have seen you do this.
If they have, your only other choice is to probably murder them all in cold blood so they dont let it out that you use Astroturf, plastic turds and tape machines on your lawnmowing activities.

i feel like a wee babby here - me only 16 :rolleyes:

[Lilmiss]

Originally posted by fugley+25 June 2003 - 18:37--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (fugley @ 25 June 2003 - 18:37)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-lilmiss@25 June 2003 - 18:28
(im 26 on "all souls day", hint hint.&nbsp; ;)
I&#39;m 39 on Arsholes day&#33; LOL&#33; :D [/b][/quote]
:D :P :lol: whatdya have do to get a day named after you?

[fugley]

Originally posted by lilmiss+25 June 2003 - 18:49--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (lilmiss @ 25 June 2003 - 18:49)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'>
Originally posted by fugley@25 June 2003 - 18:37
<!--QuoteBegin-lilmiss@25 June 2003 - 18:28
(im 26 on "all souls day", hint hint. ;)
I&#39;m 39 on Arsholes day&#33; LOL&#33; :D
:D :P :lol: whatdya have do to get a day named after you? [/b][/quote]
cos I&#39;m vewwy Special&#33; :blink:

[crazy_billy_bats]

Originally posted by lilmiss@25 June 2003 - 18:49

:D :P :lol: whatdya have do to get a day named after you?
Not shave your arse for 38 years.

[fugley]

Originally posted by lilmiss+25 June 2003 - 18:49--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (lilmiss @ 25 June 2003 - 18:49)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'>
Originally posted by fugley@25 June 2003 - 18:37
<!--QuoteBegin-lilmiss@25 June 2003 - 18:28
(im 26 on "all souls day", hint hint. ;)
I&#39;m 39 on Arsholes day&#33; LOL&#33; :D
:D :P :lol: whatdya have do to get a day named after you? [/b][/quote]
All I have to do is post&#33; :unsure:

[Lilmiss]

:P ole hairy ass? are you not one of the guys from "wu tang clan?" :D

[crazy_billy_bats]

that be Ol&#39; Dirty Bastard.....


altho you could use that as well i suppose.

I mean, come on, for f*ck sake, what kind of place do we live in where hairy arsed men are allowed to walk the streets?

Its digusting in my opinion.

An immediate introduction of systematic public shaving should begin forthwith. ;)

[Lilmiss]

:rolleyes: shave them? wax them&#33;

though finding someone to do fugleys butt may cause a few problems. :D

[fugley]

Originally posted by lilmiss@25 June 2003 - 19:16
:P ole hairy ass? are you not one of the guys from "wu tang clan?" :D
nope the orang u tang club&#33; :huh:

[crazy_billy_bats]

is this thread destined for the same fate as fugleys grass?

[Lilmiss]

looks that way....and its all my doing. :(

:D :P :lol: "her green plastic watering can, for her fake chinese rubber plant, in the fake plastic earth". i just wanna sing tonight. ;)

[fugley]

Thanks for breakin my hairy heart lil miss................ :(

[crazy_billy_bats]

his heart&#39;s hairy too?

fugley i reckon u need one of them "all over" treatments.

[Lilmiss]

Originally posted by fugley@25 June 2003 - 20:35
Thanks for breakin my hairy heart lil miss................ :(
i wuve u whelly. ;)