Parents Abuse , Mental , Physical, Please Help -- This is neotheone

[JamesBrooke]

this is neotheone i just didnt want the trackers picking up my site or anything and the person whom i am writing about reading this ,

:cry::cry: I really dont know what to do with my friend, she has soo much problems at home, firstly her parents treat her really bad

[100%]

I need to think about this properly. This is not good.

[NeoTheOne]

I need to think about this properly. This is not good.

please do , this has changed me alot as a person too , theres soo much negativity going on , i constantly feel i should be able to do something, seeing shez my gf and i care for her alot, but i talk to her, tell her to talk to me, treat me like a parent and best friend, and i treat her like an angel , alwasy lsiten to her so she feels loved and cared, but theres soo much negativity around her because of her parents, its soo hard , please help me

[vidcc]

How old is the girl in question?

It seems to me that she is suffering from incredible low self esteem and her parents have made her subservient.

From what you say the best thing for her is professional help, and not something you personally can fix, so IMO the best thing you could do is keep trying to convince her to talk to social services or some other professional group.
There are free help groups out there she can talk to and her parents need never know.
Does your country have a free "childline" service where a minor can call anonymously and talk?

Perhaps you could try to convince her she isn't doing it for herself but for you also

[AmpeD]

yea how old?
she needs to get a job or somethin to stay away from her house until she moves out

[NeoTheOne]

yea we have kids help phone, shez 17 , 18 in jan , umm what else her parents wont let her get a job claiming she will get "raped" if she goes outside the hosue , and we already know her dad wont let her leave cause of reasons which are too stupid to be repeated its in the main post .

[vidcc]

So she's still legally a minor but not a child.

I'm a bit confused about how you can be her boyfrend if she's not allowed out the house. Is it an "at school secret relationship"?
My advice still stands about needing professional help, however given her age and her unwillingness to seek help then one can only hope once she does reach 18 she has the courage to take control.
Perhaps you should talk to the kids help line yourself to get advice from them as to what you can do. They would be so much better than asking us.

Of course often when someone talks about "a friend" they are actually talking about themselves, and that's fine.

Take care

[NeoTheOne]

I dont want to embarsse her by telling an adult, itll create a stupid mess in her last year of highschool,

[AmpeD]

dont tell a teacher, they are required by law to report it to the police. you need to tell an adult, but one that is cool talking to kids probably a younger adult. Maybe there is someone at a church/youth group?
if she gets mad for breaking your trust, you are still doing the right thing. she may break up with you, she may not but she doesnt sound like that great of a girl if shes ugly and tells you to fuck off. nevertheless she needs help and your relationship shouldn't stop you from giving her the help she needs.

[NeoTheOne]

shez not ugly , shes really beautiufl to me atleast, but as for saying fuck off, put yourself in her shoes, constant metaly and physcail abuse, im surpirsed fuck you is all she says, but yea, its quite late, im gonan try to go to a church or talk to someone i can trust about it, i ono who though, ugh

[bigboab]

Phone childline and ask them for advice. They will be used to dealing with incidents similar to your friends. Best of luck.

[flanders]

I'm no genius when it comes to these things but I've picked a few things up over the years. I know that things get blown WAY OUT of proportion when your a teenager, I'm not saying what's happening to her isn't true, I'm saying the fear she may be feeling about other people finding out will become more oppressive until it comes out. The fact is that once she gets it out and admits to people exactly what's going on it will only get better (especially if she lets the right people know).

I'd say the biggest thing for you to do is let her be the one to open up to someone else, she's obviously been injured mentally and is going to have trouble with trust...it's not going to help that part of her to have you (maybe the only person she's decided to tell) break her trust by going and telling someone behind her back. That being said, it's your obligation, I think, to do whatever you can to facilitate her getting the courage to talk to the right person. Convince her, make her think it's her idea, just get her to open up to someone...I'm sure you both know some decent and cool adult that you can trust and that will be able to help.

Good Luck.

[Biggles]

If half of what she says is true then the family relationship is spectacularly unhealthy.

Parental responsibility extends to building, and caring for, strong mental health - this is clearly not happening. While teenagers can feel the world is against them specific acts like being made to kiss her mother's feet are not normal under any circumstance. There is something almost medieval about the attitudes being displayed within this family group. Is there any particular reason for this - social? religious?

I think your girlfriend needs to speak to a child-line counsellor and that individual will be in a position to determine the damage done and if any Canadian laws have been broken and what the best way forward is. In a few months she can walk out of that house and never return if she wants. Indeed, over here she already could at 16.

[jokzor]

why would she care? she gotta take care of herself as everyone does, you really think in your illusion that you can trust anyone but yourself? everyone lives in his own world, and you gotta figure it out for yourself, but this is the deep part
the one on the surface is rather simple, she can't take them serious, she gotta take them as humans and nothing more and make her own judgment about herself, this is the kind of stuff that distinguishes good people from bad people in every aspect, altough it may be hard, pity and all on her, guys, she has a chance to stand up and be a mature, happy woman instead of living in ignorance
she's a bless
you can tell her that

[jokzor]

anyways, i hope she is fine, just show her what i posted above and trust me she will go trought it, but don't tell her i said this :p

[BawA]

this is neotheone i just didnt want the trackers picking up my site or anything and the person whom i am writing about reading this ,

:cry::cry: I really dont know what to do with my friend, she has soo much problems at home, firstly her parents treat her really bad, eg some examples (dad wont take her out claiming shez too ugly because of her pimples) (mom makes fun of her backside saying its to big and makes fun of her chest side claimings their too small). She found relief in me (her bf)but then diffrent religion comse into play. She says happiness never comes into her life and she wishes to die but doesnt want to look emo so she wont , i call her beautiuful telling her to ignore her parents and she says parents never lie, her mom makes her get her on kneees and makes her rub her nose on her moms feet to apolgize then gets stepped on the back of her head. I told her to call childerns aid, but she says its bad enough she tells me, she wont want to tell anyone else, and its not like this just started a week ago, ist been going on for her whole life, her mom calls her bald and says shell never get a good husband because shez ugly and hell abuse her, herleg brokle recently but her family made her clean the whole house saying the leg breaking was on purpose to get away from the "worse then servent" chores , the only thing left now is for me to provide some sort of therpy for her, as she wont go to any professional , please i need advice , please help her :( im really worried. there are tons of other things worse that are way too embarrisng to even type so i wont :(

did you notice a slice of what she describing her parents? because no matter how much bad are parents they cant do something like that unless its not their real child, it may be because the girl doesn't like her parents and making up all of those just to achieve something, i strongly advice you not to fall into anything before checking into matter your self.

[NeoTheOne]

thats alright

[ruthie]

This isn't so much aboutfamily of origin versus adoptive family..in fact, that is irrelevant. Vid had some wise words. In the US, someone (if anyone other than you) would have considered calling CPS..child protective services. The abuse she is/has been subjected to sounds as if it is on all levels..perhaps she has been molested too?
Another thought...how are you taking care of yourself and your own headspace? Are you? While you are trying your best to be attentive and supportive to yur girlfriend, you have to be careful not to get lost in the mix.
You cannot 'make' her get help. Perhaps you would benefit if yu would consider calling hotlines yourself to receive some guidance on what to do, how to process what is going on. While your intentions are honorable, try to stay aware...are you getting abused?
I wish you the best of luck, and although (at least here), teachers are mandated reporters, as are many people in the 'field', receiving professional guidance seems to be the best path...for both of you.

[WarrenBuffet]

If she's 17 or older grow up and move away from your parents!!!! Sure yeah, I know this is horrible, but in the holocaust families were instantly split up with the parents and children knowing their most loved one has a doomed fate, and those lucky enough to stick together has to watch their significant other slowly deteriorate, not to mention exhaustion, starvation, and that doesn't even scratch the surface. 6 million people died. In the land of the free, find yourself some guts, and explode out of the bubble your stuck in. Know I know this is the extreme, but when I feel down, this somewhat cynical view of, "someone's having it worse than me right now" always seems to help. Unless you are that one person in the world who is having the worst, though you wouldn't have a computer then :)

[vidcc]

hey ruthie, long time no read. How's life treating you?

[ruthie]

hey Vid..pretty well, thanks. Finished getting my B.A. in Sociology/Criminology this past May..looking for work, getting married and moving. I guess things are going really well. Thanks for asking.
How's by you? I hope all is well. I finally have time to be on the computer for things other then research. Nice to see you again.

[vidcc]

Not done much then :P

All is well with me thanks

[NeoTheOne]

This isn't so much aboutfamily of origin versus adoptive family..in fact, that is irrelevant. Vid had some wise words. In the US, someone (if anyone other than you) would have considered calling CPS..child protective services. The abuse she is/has been subjected to sounds as if it is on all levels..perhaps she has been molested too?
Another thought...how are you taking care of yourself and your own headspace? Are you? While you are trying your best to be attentive and supportive to yur girlfriend, you have to be careful not to get lost in the mix.
You cannot 'make' her get help. Perhaps you would benefit if yu would consider calling hotlines yourself to receive some guidance on what to do, how to process what is going on. While your intentions are honorable, try to stay aware...are you getting abused?
I wish you the best of luck, and although (at least here), teachers are mandated reporters, as are many people in the 'field', receiving professional guidance seems to be the best path...for both of you.


So i ask everyone one more peice of advice as well as your contiuning advice on the curretn matter, i ask you guys how do i get her to stop thinking this nonsense and beliving in her self

[zapjb]

Not to be condescending. How old old are you 2?

[ruthie]

Not to be condescending. How old old are you 2?

Well, that is condescending, sarcastic and obnoxious, not to mention totally unhelpful. Get some sensitivity training.

In response to you, neotheone, if it's OK with you, I would like to send you a private message with my thoughts about your post. Let me know if that is alright with you.

[deuce6000]

She needs to get out of there NOW do anything possible to make sure this happens.No matter what it takes.

[ruthie]

She needs to get out of there NOW do anything possible to make sure this happens.No matter what it takes.

Perhaps that is too heavy a responsibility to lay on a 17 year old - while we might all agree the situation sounds horrendous, it is important to remain mindful when considering what burdens we choose to carry and what burdens are not ours to carry. Sometimes, we simply cannot 'carry' another person's burden.
On another note..I will message you at some point tomorrow (today?), neo...

[NeoTheOne]

Not to be condescending. How old old are you 2?

Well, that is condescending, sarcastic and obnoxious, not to mention totally unhelpful. Get some sensitivity training.

In response to you, neotheone, if it's OK with you, I would like to send you a private message with my thoughts about your post. Let me know if that is alright with you.

yea its alright feel free to send pm

[zapjb]

I didn't mean to offend. POV is important.

[deuce6000]

Some people can just turn there head and say who cares that's her problem i'm just not that type of person.I would help out anyone i can that is in a bad situation like this.It sickens me and actually makes me mad and sad just to hear about it.Also i think 17 is old enough to be able to figure out something that could possibly help out this poor girl.

[NeoTheOne]

Some people can just turn there head and say who cares that's her problem i'm just not that type of person.I would help out anyone i can that is in a bad situation like this.It sickens me and actually makes me mad and sad just to hear about it.Also i think 17 is old enough to be able to figure out something that could possibly help out this poor girl.

Thanks for being her man , it is a sicking situation , she was telling me how she "dies to just be able to go up to her mom and hug her and sleep in her lap " like i do with my mom , it really breaks my heart, :(

btw ruthie im still waiting for your pm

[ruthie]

check your messages

[NeoTheOne]

I was just in a convo with her and she addmited to having low selfesteem about herself, she says how she "doesnt" belive that she is beautiufl or good looking and i just say that to her because im "blinded" in love. you can see the detrimental effect her parents have on her. What im trying to do , hoping to do is boost a little of this esteem , just enough to get her out of her shell and become the women she needs to become.


btw Thanks so much ruthie i think i forgot to say thanks in the pm :( sorry , thanks so much i sent u 2 pms, part 1 and 2 ... thanks so much :) it really means too much too me for all the help you and the rest of the posters have given. im getting a tad bit emotional here :'( but i really hope we can make a diffrence

[ruthie]

welcome, neotheone....I just sent you a response to your 2 pm's.

[S!X]

yea we have kids help phone, shez 17 , 18 in jan , umm what else her parents wont let her get a job claiming she will get "raped" if she goes outside the hosue , and we already know her dad wont let her leave cause of reasons which are too stupid to be repeated its in the main post .

Where the hell do you live? It can't be that bad...:noes:

[NeoTheOne]

yea we have kids help phone, shez 17 , 18 in jan , umm what else her parents wont let her get a job claiming she will get "raped" if she goes outside the hosue , and we already know her dad wont let her leave cause of reasons which are too stupid to be repeated its in the main post .

Where the hell do you live? It can't be that bad...:noes:

I live where you live man , canada , its not bad here, its her parents mentality..

[zapjb]

We have CPS here.

[NeoTheOne]

yea we have everyting here too, but reaching out is the biggest problem >< shez too afraid

[zapjb]

If the situ is critical someone else not her can call CPS.

Like calling the cops.

[NeoTheOne]

hey , sorry for not posting in a while, school started so i was busy taking care of her, plus today was my one year anniversery with her (sept 7). But also a lot of bad things have happend in her house.

[zapjb]

....i promised her ill get her away from her parents house, and for that i need money and lots of it, because i have 2 options, i can pay a large sum of money to her parents (extremely large), and take her away from that nightmare, or run away with her to B.C ,either way i need money, so i have decided to do really well in school, and work on my part time buisness and work really hard to get as much as money as possible in hopes to make her future better, if anyone has any suggestions it will be much appreiceted
Her parents will sell her to you?

That's slavery. :angry:

I'd get the cops in on this.

Put their sorry asses away.

[ruthie]

Are they traditional Hindu, and if so, do they expect a dowry? Send me your next pm when you've the time...I'll respond as soon as possible..just moved, so I'm still unpacking, transporting our animals, etc.

[NeoTheOne]

i have sent you a pm ruthie, also i will send another pm in a couple of hours, i have learned more stuff about this situation that is really bad :( :'(

[djkamikaze]

CALL THE POLICE. If you don't, it's your fault when she's dead.

[zapjb]

CALL THE POLICE. If you don't, it's your fault when she's dead.
I agree.

[NeoTheOne]

:( well an update on the situation , on saturday her mom insulted her infront of a party, she was crying and screaming that she has the worst daughter in the world and how she never helps her, when infact it is the complete opposite, my friend always helps and she helps so much so that she is starting to get pain in her arms with all the non stop work they make her do,

i ask you this, what type of mother is this, insulting her daughter and saying lies about her to other parnets, infront of a party with with 10 other families there, screaming and crying claiming her daughter is the worst , ugliest, etc.

so we called kids help phone finally, told them the situation, and all k.h.p said was, well your mom is never going to change, so you should learn to ignore her.... sure its easy to say but its a million times more harder to do, she is living with thsi women under constant fear and pressure that she and her dad might do something to her, how can she just "ignore them"?

[zapjb]

:( well an update on the situation , on saturday her mom insulted her infront of a party, she was crying and screaming that she has the worst daughter in the world and how she never helps her, when infact it is the complete opposite, my friend always helps and she helps so much so that she is starting to get pain in her arms with all the non stop work they make her do,

i ask you this, what type of mother is this, insulting her daughter and saying lies about her to other parnets, infront of a party with with 10 other families there, screaming and crying claiming her daughter is the worst , ugliest, etc.

so we called kids help phone finally, told them the situation, and all k.h.p said was, well your mom is never going to change, so you should learn to ignore her.... sure its easy to say but its a million times more harder to do, she is living with thsi women under constant fear and pressure that she and her dad might do something to her, how can she just "ignore them"?
Go up the ladder. Don't take no for an answer. Is there a responsible adult around that can verify her account to k.h.p.?

[NeoTheOne]

I was on the line when she was, we did 3 way so she felt comfortable , and she talked while i listend to both partys