View Full Version : Changing Lightbulb Jokes! Deliver Us Your Best!
Absolute Pure Evil
07-21-2003, 09:41 AM
;)
Ok... Let's deliver our best changing lightbulb jokes! I got a few nice ones and ONE I consider THE BEST changing lightbulb joke EVER...
1. How many Ivy Leaguers does it take to change a lightbulb?
It only takes ONE, he just holds the bulb and the world revolves around him!
2. How many male chauvenists does it take to change a lightbulb?
NONE! In MY HOUSE, DAT'S a WOMAN'S JOB!
3. How many Feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
TWO, one to change the bulb, and the other to write about how the BULB is exploiting the SOCKET...
4. How many irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
TEN! One to hold the buld and NINE to drink until the room begins to spin!
5. How many gorillas does it take to change a lightbulb?
Well it only takes one, but it takes A LOT of lightbulbs..... :blink: eeeeh...
6. How many TEAMSTERS does it take to change a lightbulb?
One lightbulb? It's gonna take FOURTEEN TEAMSTERS at time and a half... You got a problem with that?
We can start in a MONTH... Take it or leave it...
7. How many Folk Singers, (Folk until you Croak), does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two, one to change the bulb, and the other to sing about how much better the old bulb was....
8. How many Punk Rockers does it take to change a light bulb?
TWO, one the change the bulb and the othere KICK THE FUCKING CHAIR AWAAAAAY!!
And now.. the BEST changing lightbulb joke... (that I believe anyways)
8. How many STRAIGHT WAITERS in Toronto does it take to change a lightbulb?
(I know it's a contradiction in terms, there's NO SUCH THING as a straight waiter in Toronto).. Butt....
The answer is: "Nevermind how it got in there doctor, just TAKE IT OUT!" :huh:
And the doctor replies, "EW! You've GOT to stop going to those parties!"
I'll have more.. give us your best! Please stick to the topic!
Gooch2k
07-21-2003, 08:30 PM
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just two... It's getting them inside the lightbulb in the first place that's tricky!
Illuminati
07-21-2003, 08:40 PM
How many Californians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Six - One to change it and five to share the experience :D
3rd gen noob
07-21-2003, 09:29 PM
how does a spoilt little rich girl change a lightbulb?
"daddy, i want a new apartment"
caffeineaddict
07-21-2003, 11:49 PM
How many kids with Attention Deficit Disorder does it take to change a lightbulb?
Wanna go swimming?
dgmortal
07-22-2003, 12:44 AM
how many women does it take to change the light bulb in the kitchen?
who cares......let her cook in the dark.
*hides from female members* :-"
spike218
07-22-2003, 01:09 AM
from south park
Jimmy (the cripled kid)
How many able body people does it take to change a light bulb
JUST ONE
infamousalbo101
07-22-2003, 01:49 AM
LoL THIs IS FUcken FuNNy
how many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb
NoNe they JUst sit in the dark and bitch about it :P
Bender
07-23-2003, 10:45 PM
How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Bill Gates just declares Darkness to be the new industry standard.
bigboab
07-25-2003, 06:28 PM
Darling could you change that light bulb?
Watt?
(This continues according to the size of the bulb :rolleyes:
3rd gen noob
07-25-2003, 07:08 PM
Originally posted by TIBZ@23 July 2003 - 22:06
how many niggers does it take to screw in a light bulb???
2, 1 to screw it in the other 2 drive the pink caddaliac
i refer to nigger as a person that has no job and kill people for their money not a black person
edit:typo
why hasn't this been changed by a mod??
doesn't anyone else find this offensive?
bigboab
07-25-2003, 07:49 PM
Doesn't TIBZ realise everone is the same colour when the light is out.
And it should still be the same when it comes back on again <_<
smellmycomputer
07-25-2003, 08:42 PM
Originally posted by 3rd gen noob+25 July 2003 - 19:08--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (3rd gen noob @ 25 July 2003 - 19:08)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-TIBZ@23 July 2003 - 22:06
how many niggers does it take to screw in a light bulb???
2, 1 to screw it in the other 2 drive the pink caddaliac
i refer to nigger as a person that has no job and kill people for their money not a black person
edit:typo
doesn't anyone else find this offensive? [/b][/quote]
nope, if other people find it offensive it aint me.
people should stop bing so PC and have bit of a giggle
3rd gen noob
07-25-2003, 09:12 PM
Originally posted by smellmycomputer@25 July 2003 - 21:42
nope, if other people find it offensive it aint me.
people should stop bing so PC and have bit of a giggle
how fucking ignorant are you??
just cos you think it's a laugh doesn't mean everyone else will
it's against board rules and should be removed immediately
people are being put on moderation for much less
smellmycomputer
07-25-2003, 09:44 PM
Originally posted by 3rd gen noob+25 July 2003 - 21:12--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (3rd gen noob @ 25 July 2003 - 21:12)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-smellmycomputer@25 July 2003 - 21:42
nope, if other people find it offensive it aint me.
people should stop bing so PC and have bit of a giggle
how fucking ignorant are you??
just cos you think it's a laugh doesn't mean everyone else will
it's against board rules and should be removed immediately
people are being put on moderation for much less [/b][/quote]
okay, now i'm not the sort of person to have an argument, but from what i see on tv, in movies ect it's okay for a black guy to call someone a nigger, so therefore in the whole non racist thing it's alright for any guy to do it. which leads us to mr 3rd gen, and it being acceptable for him to say that.
it's things like this that realy annoy me, i can't walk down the street without getting people in cars shouting at me for how i look, but noone cares, then there's people like you that get on their high horses at jokes, not realy ment to offend anyone, just have a little giggle at steriotypes(i would like to take this opertunity to point out the blonde jokes thread :) which i enjoyed reading)
*last post in this thread, i don't care what you think beond this*
3rd gen noob
07-25-2003, 10:13 PM
i've sent you a pm.
hope you can get past your ignorance and small-mindedness to read/reply
zacspeed
07-26-2003, 06:26 AM
How many Manchester United fans does it take to change a light bulb?
100. 1 to actually change the bulb & 99 to drive up from Surrey to watch it!
How many Paul Daniels (crap British magician) does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, & it'll be really obvious how he does it!
How many members of this board does it take to change a lightbulb?
It's irrelevant, because somebody will moan about it, start flaming, or just get plain stupid about it!!!
:(
It used to be so much fun on here.
3rd gen noob
07-26-2003, 08:55 AM
Originally posted by zacspeed@26 July 2003 - 07:26
It's irrelevant, because somebody will moan about it, start flaming, or just get plain stupid about it!!!
:(
It used to be so much fun on here.
well, if people weren't fucking racist...
Bender
07-26-2003, 11:39 AM
It's just a matter of how you look at it, I suppose.
TIBZ even added a disclaimer to prevent being called a racist:
i refer to nigger as a person that has no job and kill people for their money not a black person
If we can't have jokes on somebody's expense anymore it would be the end of humour I guess, how about all the jokes about jews, rednecks, 9/11? We should ban those too then.
Some people might find your signature offending too:
stupid americans piss me off
equally as much as all other stupid people do
Like I said already: it's a matter of perspective, the disclaimer made me decide it's not racist. :)
zacspeed
07-26-2003, 05:56 PM
well, if people weren't fucking racist...
--------------------
stupid americans piss me off
equally as much as all other stupid people do
<_<
3rd gen noob
07-26-2003, 05:57 PM
Originally posted by zacspeed@26 July 2003 - 18:56
well, if people weren't fucking racist...
--------------------
stupid americans piss me off
equally as much as all other stupid people do
<_<
how many fucking times????
americans are not a fucking race....
Absolute Pure Evil
07-27-2003, 02:55 PM
WHO THE HELL RUINED MY POST???????????????
This is a topic ment to deliver FUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYY changing lightbulb jokes...
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT A place to begin a racial flaming post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How many WHITE MORONIC INBRED REDNECKS, WHO ARE MEMBERS OF THE KKK does it take to change a lightbulb?
1. NONE because they're too busy fucking their mom's and sisters......
2. They're idiots.
3. they're idiots
4. they're idiots.
5. they're idiots.
6. they need to spend the whole day trying to remember is it's, "righty-tighty, or lefty loosey"
7. they don't use lightbulbs, they burn crosses
8. they're inbred idiots.
9. American is NOT a race.
10. the person they respect the monst, HITLER, was HOMOSEXUAL... Hitler LOOOOOVED to have his FUDGE PACKED...
11. They're gay and they're denying themselves..
12. They're idiots.
13. This is a JOKE POST, not a RACIAL INSULT post.
14. They're idiots, but at least they know the difference between right and wrong.... UH... wait a minute...
15. They never get a social disease, you have to be screwing OUTSIDE the familty to BRING something new into the gene pool..
16. Texas doesn't use lightbulbs, they just light cow manure and call it "Romantic Lighting"
17. they're idiots
18. they need to call in a machanic
19. if they think about the bulb, they forget to breathe
20. Being Stereotypical, they'll be CALLED that name...
If you act like the sterotypical term definition.. then YOU'LL BE CALLED THAT!!!!!!!
like these white boy rapstar wannabes, thinking that they could get a, "Rap Contract," masturebate over pics of Eminem, walk around shooting like they're gangstas and shit.. Well.. they DESERVE to be called >>>>WIGGERS<<<<
At least black people come up with they're own ORIGINAL lifestyles!!! >WIGGERS< are jsut copying them, and that is SO PATHETIC...
Black people RULE!
Canadian's Rule!
American is NOT a race! but most people in the U.S. are so damn ignorant that They're the ones who need to be carpet bombed...
For an intersting look at U.S. citizens and the way people in the states can ruin it for the rest of them, I suggest you watch the movie "BOWLING FOR COLUMBINE" I wathed it the other day, and I had to say it made some good points....
Yes even about how stupid Canadian can be too.. I am a Canadian..
So leave the racial slang UP YOUR ASS and suck a nice glass of SHUT THE FUCK UP!!
JOOOOOOOOOOOOKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
bigboab
07-27-2003, 08:46 PM
to think I joined this joke for some light relief! :(
Keikan
07-28-2003, 03:45 AM
How many people does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: 2 because the first person usally screws up
:mellow:
3rd gen noob
07-28-2003, 04:03 AM
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement:
Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "The Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "The Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry way, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.
The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, said direction being non- negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (Lawyer) with every possible caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb), notwithstanding the afore- mentioned failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (Lawyer) throughout.
2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.
3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self- same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non- negotiable. NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part (Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him to do so, the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "The Firm".
Darkshade
07-28-2003, 07:43 AM
Originally posted by 3rd gen noob@26 July 2003 - 17:57
americans are not a fucking race....
Maybe Americans are a mix of races, but if it isn't racist, it's still prejudice.
3rd gen noob
07-28-2003, 07:49 AM
Originally posted by Darkshade@28 July 2003 - 08:43
Maybe Americans are a mix of races, but if it isn't racist, it's still prejudice.
no, it's not
bigboab
07-28-2003, 07:58 AM
NOOb you must have left in a 'Get out claws' in the lawyers method :D
wELL...HI-DE-HO!
I can't believe my f**** EARS...or EYES ...or whatever...
WE got our own little bigot RIGHT HERE!
Not that I would care one way or the other.... or anyone else for that matter.... did you ever take a good look at the world around you? Did you never even care. Did you wipe your ass the last time you took a shit? Did you ever look in the mirror?
Did somebody tease you when you were a child? Were you ever a normal child? Did You have recurring dreams about Adolph? Did your family survive your childhood? Is this pure and irrevebersible non-sense? Of course it is! What? Do you think I'm writing all this bulls*** JUST FOR FUN???
So... GO and have a BANANA!
UrgaHooga, hoogaHooga, UrgaHooga,hooga!!!
By the way.... did You know just HOW many BLONDES does it take to change a light-bulb? 13.
1. one reading the instructions out loud in Swahili
2. another one translating Swahili into English
3. another one reading the instructions out loud in English and asking two friends what the hell the other two are talking about in Swahili, and IF they maybe are gossiping, was the gossip about her???
4. another one doing her fingernails
5. another one doing her fingernails and asking what the hell the others are talking about in Swahili
6. one understanding Swahili, but not wery good with English
7. one wery good with English, but hopeless with Swahili
8. one that has the replacement light-bulb
9. one that CLAIMS to have the replacement light-bulb
10. one that actually inserts the replacement light-bulb into place
11. one that actually connects electricity into the replaced light-bulb
12. one that , after the light is on, can finally read the instructions in Swahili
13. one that after getting the instructions, and the right lighting goes and finally changes the bulb....
and then it blows after a good 0,5 minutes...
Well.... can't say that we haven't tried....
H.H. ;)
3rd gen noob
07-29-2003, 12:02 AM
Originally posted by H.H.@29 July 2003 - 00:47
wELL...HI-DE-HO!
I can't believe my f**** EARS...or EYES ...or whatever...
WE got our own little bigot RIGHT HERE!
you talking about me??
and your joke is pretty poor by the way, did you make it up yourself...?
Americans... a mix of RACES, a mix of FACES, a mix of CRAZIES?
Well.... I guess Americans are too busy just being a good mix of IDIOTS to bother with all the rest of this misery..... for one thing... they don't know s*** of what is going on with the REST of the world.... and they don't seem to care one way or the other, anyway.
Well .... just for Your info, You little Jumpin' Jellybeans: there ARE places like Europe, Scandinavia, Australia, ETC. and believe it or NUTS: this world does NOT revolve around good ol' u.s.a even if that poor sucker of a president, Mr. Bush, Junior seems to think so.... Well.... he tries to do a good thing, but has a very hard time proving that he actually has succeeded??? Well.... the world certainly IS a better place without "Saddam".... so lets hope he really IS taken care of.
I'm hoping for the best!
So, the lonely rider rides again, and....HeeHHHAAAAWWWW You little B-stards!!!
H.H. :lol:
Bahh............. STUPID EUROPEANS are JUST as bad....
OR... stupid MARTIANS
OR... stupid VENUTIANS
OR... stupid anglo-saxon males trying to pose as clever operators in a stupid chat-forum for pirates, underdogs, scoundrels, lunatics and a menacing squaffle of riff-raff pestering the streets of our fine tidy city not open to any such annoyance deliberately, or by any other means in order to create a public disturbance.
Geekkkzzz!
H.H. :lol:
Darkshade
07-29-2003, 09:33 AM
No country is as hated or discussed about as America. At least we're popular. Even if it's the bad kind of popularity :D . BTW, not everyone in America stands behind Bush 100% like you all seem to think. Even though I disagree with the president, that doesn't mean I don't love my country. I think everyone has the right to that.
bigboab
07-29-2003, 06:51 PM
Will DARKSHADE disappear when this light bulb eventually gets changed? :D
NikkiD
07-29-2003, 07:02 PM
I've removed TIBZ post. Whether people find it offensive or not, it is against board regulations.
Well.... nothing new there!
I love MY country too.... I just can't abide the idiots running it!
H.H. ;)
insanebassman
07-29-2003, 07:32 PM
Originally posted by 3rd gen noob+25 July 2003 - 14:12--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (3rd gen noob @ 25 July 2003 - 14:12)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-smellmycomputer@25 July 2003 - 21:42
nope, if other people find it offensive it aint me.
people should stop bing so PC and have bit of a giggle
how fucking ignorant are you??
just cos you think it's a laugh doesn't mean everyone else will
it's against board rules and should be removed immediately
people are being put on moderation for much less [/b][/quote]
When are people like you going to realize that you are just as ignorant as the people you accuse. Let them have thier jokes, and do not worry that you can not pay attention to the fact that the word nigger does not apply to just one color.
If you apply it to color, it makes you a racist for doing so when the originator did not intend it that way
either way, you have your view too... just leave it at that and stop fucking with people you do not agree with.
3rd gen noob
07-29-2003, 08:29 PM
Originally posted by insanebassman@29 July 2003 - 20:32
When are people like you going to realize that you are just as ignorant as the people you accuse. Let them have thier jokes, and do not worry that you can not pay attention to the fact that the word nigger does not apply to just one color.
If you apply it to color, it makes you a racist for doing so when the originator did not intend it that way
either way, you have your view too... just leave it at that and stop fucking with people you do not agree with.
oh, so you're saying it's all a matter of definition then?
so it's ok for me to call you a fucking prick as long as i say "fucking prick" means a nice guy?
<_<
insanebassman
07-30-2003, 08:48 PM
oh, so you're saying it's all a matter of definition then?
so it's ok for me to call you a fucking prick as long as i say "fucking prick" means a nice guy?
Absolutely!
the word in question, which I do not use in my day to day vocabulary, simply means lower class or dirty person. It does not mean black, white, puerto rican, european, aryan, brazillian, caucasion, mutt, half breed.... what ever.
It is the cultural use of the word that has associated it with a particular race. I am a mix-breed bastard myself so can not really associate anything as a "slur" towards me. I could give a shit less what words you use in connection with me if they are not true.
No one seems to understand that the continued use of symbols and cultural taboo words in a serious sense will maintain the walls between us all. I can not give a shit less if you are a particular race. If you are an asshole, I will call you an asshole. Act like trash, I will call you trash. Act decent, I will call you friend, or at least aquaintance. It is all based on personal experience, not prejudicial standards.
So, if the term fucking prick were, as seperate or combined terms, accurate in describing how you feel about me, then feel free to call me that!
:D
punk
Absolute Pure Evil
07-30-2003, 09:42 PM
Alright....
ZIP IT! SILENCIO! STFU!!!!!!!!
WERE THE HELL ARE THE "Changing lightbulb jokes"??????????????
I'm tempted to e-mail the moderator to delete this thread and never EVER tell a changing lightbulb joke EVER AGAIN since some of the people in her NEVER SEEM TO GO OUTSIDE!!!!!! Goddamn CELLAR DWELLING GEEKS!!
This is the only place in the world where a simple joke can make Pregnant Male Cellar Dwelling, dirty underwear wearing, pop and chips make them DRUNK GEEKS turn some laughs into a bout of their limitted understanding, and OPINION about "Political Correctness"
Guess what? It's not "P.C." to call you all GEEKS, but if you're gonna live like the stereotypical term, then MORON, we're gonna call you that...
>>>>>>>>CHANGING LIGHTBULB JOKES<<<<<<<<<<<<
Or delete this post and move some of it to the off topic lounge so even more people who are totally unqualified to judge us can read and get all HUFFY!!
How does a 30 year old computer geek change a lightbulb?
He goes upstairs, after putting a robe on, asks his parents for an advance on his allownce and buys a new monitor...
JOKES TO FOLLOW PLEASE, if you have an OPINION to say, e-mail it to the person you need to give your mind to.. not on this thread please....
and in this world, we need LESS OPINIONS and MORE OPTIONS!!!!!!!!
3rd gen noob
07-31-2003, 12:21 AM
Originally posted by Absolute Pure Evil@30 July 2003 - 22:42
CELLAR DWELLING GEEKS!!
i don't have a cellar
i feel left out
seamonkey
07-31-2003, 01:28 AM
how many assholes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
none hehe cuz assholes dont exist they are just the area inside your colon.
:P
insanebassman
07-31-2003, 07:35 PM
I do not have a cellar either dammit... oh well...
How many catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Did you say screw? YOU ARE GOING TO HELL!
unless you and you ancestors give us money and your sons...
SiRius128
08-02-2003, 11:39 AM
heres one:
how many gay guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
-2, one to screw it in and another one to say:
http://ebaumsworld.com/forumfun/gay12.jpg
get it?
one to screw it in and one to say fabulous
OK, ok O.K.!!!
Just try to be funny after a 12-pack! (That's like TWO six-packs, that's something the breweries over HERE thought up... )
Well... the way we Finns drink... a 24-pack would be MORE appropriate!
Anyway... WHAT was the deal here.... oh, yeah.... sorry about the idiotic "blonde-joke"... I'd just had had a 12-pack, so it was a poor attempt at "humor".... butt not a very good one....that is the result of a 12-pack!
Annyvay... vorgive mee vor ze schupidity ( I had to borrow those last vords vrom Arnie Schwartzenberger...)
CeeYa!!!!
H.H. ;)
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