The 'quote random bits out of the bible like frodobagginsex' game

[Snee]

Posted again cos tessco told me to.

Self-explained.

"Look not upon me, because I am black" :unsure:

[Biggles]

vanity,vanity all is vanity

[Mr. Mulder]

http://www.myconfinedspace.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/11/bible-disclaimer-label.thumbnail.png

[Snee]

"For there are eunuchs, that were so born from their mother's womb: and there are eunuchs, that were made eunuchs by men: and there are eunuchs, that made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it."

[Sextent]

Time Out

Which version of The Bible are we quoting from. Or is it any one you want.

[Snee]

Any one you want.

[Sextent]

Cheers

"When you come to know yourselves... you will realize that it is you who are the sons of the living father. But if you will not know yourselves, you dwell in poverty."

[chalice]

Abraham begat Isaac; and Isaac begat Jacob; and Jacob begat Judas and his brethren and they all rolled over and one fell out.

[Snee]

Now the end of the commandment is charity out of a pure heart

[Sextent]

Abraham begat Isaac; and Isaac begat Jacob; and Jacob begat Judas and his brethren and they all rolled over and one fell out.

:lol::earl:

[CrabGirl]

If a man is caught in the act of raping a young woman who is not engaged, he must pay fifty pieces of silver to her father. Then he must marry the young woman because he violated her, and he will never be allowed to divorce her. Deuteronomy 22:28-29 NLT

Ummm. So God makes a woman marry her rapist? :dry:

[Sextent]

If a man is caught in the act of raping a young woman who is not engaged, he must pay fifty pieces of silver to her father. Then he must marry the young woman because he violated her, and he will never be allowed to divorce her. Deuteronomy 22:28-29 NLT

Ummm. So God makes a woman marry her rapist? :dry:

Yeah, but 50 pieces of silver. That's well harsh.

[clocker]

Ummm. So God makes a woman marry her rapist? :dry:
The Old Testament wasn't big on "they lived happily ever after".
Lots of brimstone and begetting though.

[CrabGirl]

Deuteronomy 22:23-24

If within the city a man comes upon a maiden who is betrothed, and has relations with her, you shall bring them both out of the gate of the city and there stone them to death: the girl because she did not cry out for help though she was in the city, and the man because he violated his neighbors wife.

:angry:

[clocker]

Thanks for proving my point.

[Snee]

"And Adam knew his wife; and she conceived."

[Snee]

"And Adam knew his wife again; and she bore a son."

Hella lot of knowing.

[CrabGirl]

Give no woman power over you to trample upon your dignity. (Sirach 9:2)

God is so sexist

[masterbat]

Genesis 27:27
So he went to him and kissed him. When Isaac caught the smell of his clothes, he blessed him and said, "Ah, the smell of my son is like the smell of a field that the LORD has blessed.

[Snee]

"And Adam knew his wife again; and she bore a son."

Hella lot of knowing.

"For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks"

Typical blokes, like.

[Sextent]

Deuteronomy 22:23-24

If within the city a man comes upon a maiden who is betrothed, and has relations with her, you shall bring them both out of the gate of the city and there stone them to death: the girl because she did not cry out for help though she was in the city, and the man because he violated his neighbors wife.

:angry:

Some religions like the idea (http://www.news24.com/News24/World/News/0,,2-10-1462_2221631,00.html)

[MediaSlayer]

Proverbs 30:2:

"Surely I am more brutish than any man, and have not the understanding of a man."

[Biggles]

2:23 And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.

2:24 And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.


It is important to teach little kids discipline I think :shifty:

[Snee]

Deuteronomy 22:23-24

If within the city a man comes upon a maiden who is betrothed, and has relations with her, you shall bring them both out of the gate of the city and there stone them to death: the girl because she did not cry out for help though she was in the city, and the man because he violated his neighbors wife.

:angry:

Legos make it all better. (http://www.thebricktestament.com/the_law/rape/dt22_23a.html)

[Snee]

"No man whose private parts have been wounded or cut off may come into the meeting of the Lord’s people."

Just so you know :sly: Hang on to your bits, like.

[Mr. Mulder]

what if you bring them along in a jar? is that kewl? :unsure:

[Snee]

Dunno, it doesn't say :unsure:

Maybe we should ask one of those biblical types. Where's JP?

[Mr. Mulder]

and what if they weren't cut off due to forbidden sexytime? what if they were torn off defending a village from a village eating bear?

[Mr. Mulder]

and exactly why does jebus want our peens intact, what's he got planned for the evening? :sneaky:

[Mr. Mulder]

and also, what if some chicks getting forced sexytime and you come to her rescue and fight the guy off who then runs away but you trip and fall into the woman accidentally and then people think its you wot did it and then cut your stuff off?

[Mr. Mulder]

seems like you've rly got to be clued up on your cawk law if you want to get into heaven :unsure:

[Snee]

And what if it's stitched on after? That's what I'd like to know.

[Mr. Mulder]

what if they stitch it on upside down and you really need to go number 1 cos you've had one too many and then by accident you go number 1 in jebuses face!1 :o

[Snee]

That may well be why they won't let 'em in :unsure:

[Mr. Mulder]

racists.

you could spend your whole life helping others and doing nothing but good, but if your cawks on upside down its sry you can't come in!1?

[Snee]

"what"

[Biggles]

"what"

It was Muldy having a rare moment of religious enlightenment.

I suspect he will be investing in a cawk protector to ensure salvation. Sexybaggins didn't warn us about this. :ermm:

[Snee]

That was a quote from the bible, misogynist.

[peat moss]

Exodus 35:2
For six days, work is to be done, but the seventh day shall be your holy day, a Sabbath of rest to the LORD. Whoever does any work on it must be put to death.


Hey I thought time and a half was pretty cheap but yikes !

[Alien5]

http://www.weine.se/images/bilder/orginal/starwars_the_last_supper.jpg

[bigboab]

Paul says those who are circumcised should "not become uncircumcised." 7:18 :ermm:
(http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/1cor/7.html#18)

[Biggles]

http://www.weine.se/images/bilder/orginal/starwars_the_last_supper.jpg

So the figure leaning to the left is a female

Who would have thunk it!

[Barbarossa]

http://www.weine.se/images/bilder/orginal/starwars_the_last_supper.jpg

That's all of teh orsum :O

[Snee]

"But with righteousness shall he judge the poor, and reprove with equity for the meek of the earth: and he shall smite the earth with the rod of his mouth, and with the breath of his lips shall he slay the wicked."

Cawk-breath to the max.

[chalice]

Could Noah's Ark really hold all the animals that were supposed to be preserved from Flood?

http://www.christiananswers.net/q-eden/edn-c013.html

That was one fuck off boat.

Fact.

[Snee]

These dimensions are especially interesting when compared to those given in the mythical, Babylonian account of the Ark. Here the ark is described as a perfect cube, extending 120 cubits in all directions and with nine decks. Such a vessel would spin slowly round and round in the water and from the standpoint of stability, would be a disaster.

As opposed to...:dabs:

[Snee]

Remember there are really only a few very large animals, such as the dinosaur or the elephant, and these could be represented by young ones.

:blink:

[Proper Bo]

Remember there are really only a few very large animals, such as the dinosaur or the elephant, and these could be represented by young ones.

:blink:

that bit made me do that too, true story.

[chalice]

These dimensions are especially interesting when compared to those given in the mythical, Babylonian account of the Ark. Here the ark is described as a perfect cube, extending 120 cubits in all directions and with nine decks. Such a vessel would spin slowly round and round in the water and from the standpoint of stability, would be a disaster.

As opposed to...:dabs:

It's not the Ark, it's the fucking Borg.

Battle stations. Zap them cunts.

[Biggles]

Instead of dodgy theme parks they could build an ark to the dimensions and see if it floats :) and how much you can get in it - there are only 32 million species to preserve or thereabouts.

[Snee]

Not counting the dinosaur, what would make it 32 million and one.

[Biggles]

Not counting the dinosaur, what would make it 32 million and one.

Amazing how many different shapes that one dinosaur had tho :unsure:

[Snee]

Evolutionists would have it there were more than one species of dinosaur, what evolved in different places, under different conditions, in different times.

But they obviously haven't heard of extreme makeovers.

[Sextent]

See what confuses me is, if they took three sheeps what particular breed and how did they decide on it.

[Biggles]

See what confuses me is, if they took three sheeps what particular breed and how did they decide on it.


prettiest ones obviousment - they were in teh boat for several months.

[clocker]

If you guys had paid attention to Dr. Dino's film clip you'd realize that ALL the "animals" of the world were put on the Ark in God's favorite form...the banana.

Easily stacked, resistant to rot and mirabile dictu!...no poop!

After 40 days Noah unpeeled them and inserted them into his mouth, thus rehydrating them to their animal shape.

The dinosaurs were carried in their ultimate form...barrels of crude oil.
This cut down on the carnage- always desirable on a cruise ship.

Given these facts, it's easy to see that the Ark didn't have to be of outlandish size, in fact, a relatively small CrisCraft equipped with an Evinrude would have sufficed.

I believe I have found the remains of the Ark docked in Tampa.
We're performing our scientific evaluation right now and early results show that it's approximately 4,400 years old which puts it in the correct time frame.

Hallelujah!

[Sextent]

If you guys had paid attention to Dr. Dino's film clip you'd realize that ALL the "animals" of the world were put on the Ark in God's favorite form...the banana.

Easily stacked, resistant to rot and mirabile dictu!...no poop!

After 40 days Noah unpeeled them and inserted them into his mouth, thus rehydrating them to their animal shape.

The dinosaurs were carried in their ultimate form...barrels of crude oil.
This cut down on the carnage- always desirable on a cruise ship.

Given these facts, it's easy to see that the Ark didn't have to be of outlandish size, in fact, a relatively small CrisCraft equipped with an Evinrude would have sufficed.

I believe I have found the remains of the Ark docked in Tampa.
We're performing our scientific evaluation right now and early results show that it's approximately 4,400 years old which puts it in the correct time frame.

Hallelujah!

It's so obvious when you explain it like that.

My bad.

[clocker]

It's so obvious when you explain it like that.

My bad.
Hence the beauty of Bible Science...it's just so obvious.
None of that hard thinking and stuff.

[Sextent]

It's so obvious when you explain it like that.

My bad.
Hence the beauty of Bible Science...it's just so obvious.
None of that hard thinking and stuff.

Indeed, omniscience, omnipotence and omnipresence take away any potential problems.

When one is 7.

It's the growing up that causes "creationists" a problem.

[clocker]

It's the growing up that causes "creationists" a problem.
Because it's very similar to "evolving" and we know what a craw-sticker that is.

[Snee]

"God created wasps so that they may eat the flies."

[bigboab]

"God created wasps so that they may eat the flies."

Then they invented zips.:wacko:

[Chip Monk]

It's the growing up that causes "creationists" a problem.
Because it's very similar to "evolving" and we know what a craw-sticker that is.

Sadly the craw-sticker has been hunted to extinction.

[clocker]

Sadly the craw-sticker has been hunted to extinction.
Had to be done, they were on the verge of evolving.
Let's hoist a banana in tribute to a game effort.

[Broken]

Behold, I will corrupt your seed and spread dung upon your faces..."
..........Malachi 2:3 (quote GOD)