Bad Joke thread - A New Beginning

[Chip Monk]

A businessman is getting on a flight when he hears from the other passenger that the Pope is going to be on the flight.
"WOW, great!" he thinks. "What a good place to be today. "
He is boarding, but he doesn't see the Pope, so he figures that maybe the other passengers were wrong.
He takes his seat and is thankful that there is an empty seat next to him.
Just before the flight closes, the Pope enters the plane and sits next to him.
I am surely blessed the man thinks. Here I am a good Catholic on a flight with the Pope sitting next to me.
The plane takes off, and after a few minutes the passengers take off their seatbelts.
The man looks sideways and sees the Pope reaching into his bag to take out a crossword book.
Marvellous, he thinks, not only am I blessed with the Pope next to me, but he does crosswords and so do I. Maybe he will ask for help.
He notices that the Pope is working his way through the puzzle, and that the Pope is tapping his pencil, thinking.
The Pope turns to him and says: "I usually don't talk to others on flights, but I wonder if you can help me?"
"Anything your eminence. What is it? "
"Do you know a four letter word for 'woman' that ends in u-n-t?"

The man feels uncomfortable. He thinks and thinks. Finally he says, "The only word I can think of is aunt."



The Pope looks at him and asks, "Do you have an eraser?"

[Barbarossa]

LOL.
It's funny because presumably the pope wouldn't ask for a rubber :P

[manker]

Little Johnny walks into his parents bedroom to find his Dad giving his Mam one. His Dad smirks and throws a pillow at the door saying, "Get outta here, you little shit!"

A couple of hours later Dad hears a whole lot of commotion coming from little Johnny's bedroom. He goes up to find little Johnny giving his Gran a right seeing to.

Little Johnny smiles, "It's not so fucking funny when it's your Mam, is it?"

[Busyman]

A black woman and her black son board a plane.

After about an hour in flight, the plane runs into serious trouble and starts taking teh doive.

To reduce weight the crew dump all the luggage.

An announcement then comes over the loudspeaker, "To reduce weight some of you will have jump off the plane. To be fair, we will go in alphabetical order."

The captain says, "All African-Americans get off the plane."

The mother and son just sit there.

The captain (getting more angry) then says, "All black people get off the plane!"

The mother and son still sit there.

The son asks the mother, "Mommy aren't we all those things?"

The mother says, "Baby....we'z niggaz today."

[Barbarossa]

Pffft, it's funny because it still comes before "whites" :dry:

[Busyman]

Two gay fellas are in the tub together.

One notices something floating in the tub and says, "Oh my, why are you spitting in teh tub?"

The other says, "I didn't....I just farted."

[Busyman]

Why did the fella's girlfriend have two black eyes?

Cause he had to tell the bitch twice.

[Busyman]

A kid goes up to his father and says, "Hey dad, you know how old I am today?"

His father says, "No. How old?"

He says, "I'm eleven!"

He goes into the kitchen and says to his grandmother, "Hey, Grandma, you know how old I am today?"

She says, "Come closer."

She unzips his jeans and reaches her old, granny, spotted arm down into his underwear.

She fondles his genitals for a few minutes and then she says, "You're eleven."

He says, "How could you tell?"

She says, "I heard you tell your father."

[KFlint]

Pffft, it's funny because it still comes before "whites" :dry:

but not before caucasian ;)

[Yinon]

Pffft, it's funny because it still comes before "whites" :dry:

but not before caucasian ;)

good point

[Agrajag]

Little Johnny walks into his parents bedroom to find his Dad giving his Mam one. His Dad smirks and throws a pillow at the door saying, "Get outta here, you little shit!"

A couple of hours later Dad hears a whole lot of commotion coming from little Johnny's bedroom. He goes up to find little Johnny giving his Gran a right seeing to.

Little Johnny smiles, "It's not so fucking funny when it's your Mam, is it?"

That's semi-autobiographical isn't it.

Share with the group. Sharing is caring mate.

[manker]

Hoi! It's no laughing matter.

Paedophiles are fucking immature arseholes.

[bruce_berry]

On second thought, that joke is probably not the best first impression.

[Skiz]

Q: What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
A: One is white, made out of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with and the other you carry your groceries in.




Q: When is it bed-time in Michael Jackson's house?
A: When the big hand touches the little hand.

[FatBob]

What did the mother buffalo say to her child as he left for school?...

Bison!

:lookaroun

[Agrajag]

Hoi! It's no laughing matter.

Paedophiles are fucking immature arseholes.

:pinch: :sick:

Anyway, ages weren't mentioned if memory serves.

manker The son could have been twenty and his Gran 80

[manker]

Hoi! It's no laughing matter.

Paedophiles are fucking immature arseholes.

:pinch: :sick:

Anyway, ages weren't mentioned if memory serves.

manker The son could have been twenty and his Gran 80
Very true.
I'd been sitting on that line for ages tho'.

[FatBob]

Three men: one German, one Japanese and a Texan were sitting naked in a sauna.
Suddenly there was a beeping sound.
The German pressed his forearm and the beep stopped.
The others looked at him questioningly.
"That was my pager," he said.
"I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later a phone rang.
The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear.
When he finished he explained,
"That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
The Texan felt decidedly low tech,
but not to be outdone he decided he had
to do something just as impressive.
He left for a few minutes returning to
the sauna with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his behind.
The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him.
The Texan finally said, "Well, will you look at that? I'm getting a fax."

[FatBob]

what determines how the planets in our solar system are ordered?


...it all starts when a mummy planet and a daddy planet love each other very much :lookaroun

:D

[Agrajag]

:pinch: :sick:

Anyway, ages weren't mentioned if memory serves.

manker The son could have been twenty and his Gran 80
Very true.
I'd been sitting on that line for ages tho'.

:lol:

I'm proud to have afforded you the opportunity to use it well.

Do you see what I did there.

[Something Else]

Where does Saddam Hussein keep his CD's.

In a-rack.

[Jiggles]

your mum is so tall that when she looked in the mirror she combed her pubes.

i made that one up myself :)

[Something Else]

Jiggles. :wave: http://img230.imageshack.us/img230/4462/collinaug6.gif

[sumvell]

Q: Why does it get hot after baseball game?

A: Because all the fans leave!

[Jiggles]

Jiggles. :wave: http://img230.imageshack.us/img230/4462/collinaug6.gif

http://i110.photobucket.com/albums/n87/fzterx/hifunny/78.jpg

[brotherdoobie]

How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?

Suck his cawk.


-bd

[Jiggles]

your so ugly that when you looked in the mirror you ducked.

[snowultra]

Did you hear the story of the broken pencil? Oh well, it's pointless...


Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if the flew over the bay, they would be bagels (bay-gulls)...


Q: What does pubic hair and lima beans have in common?
A: You push them to the side and keep on eatin'!

[tralalala]

Three men: one German, one Japanese and a Texan were sitting naked in a sauna.
Suddenly there was a beeping sound.
The German pressed his forearm and the beep stopped.
The others looked at him questioningly.
"That was my pager," he said.
"I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later a phone rang.
The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear.
When he finished he explained,
"That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
The Texan felt decidedly low tech,
but not to be outdone he decided he had
to do something just as impressive.
He left for a few minutes returning to
the sauna with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his behind.
The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him.
The Texan finally said, "Well, will you look at that? I'm getting a fax."

Wasn't that Skizo's trick..? :huh: