HeavyMetalParkingLot
09-07-2003, 02:20 PM
By following these simple and easy to follow guide you too can form your own nu-metal band, musical proficiency not needed.
1) You must cover an 1980s novelty song for your debut release. This is not an option
2) You need a gimmick. This is essentially important for the vocalist (they're not singers) be it bullied at school, self-mutilation, playing the bagpipes or spooky appearance.
3) Recruit a female bassist. This will lead to initial magazine exposure before the critics notice you can't actually play. By this time you will have built up a hardcore following of teenage boys.
4) Write some songs. About 12 will fill up an album. Don't worry about B-Sides, use crap remixes instead. A whole remix album would be perfect!
5) Incorporate a trendy DJ member into the band for that 21st Century feel.
6) Claim to be "down" with your fans. Express your thoughts on topics you have no clue about such as the Presidential elections and rage how much Britney Spears sucks. Never speak up about anything remotely important.
7) Recruit lots of band members. About eight or nine is about right. Having three members is so passe nowadays.
8) Request famed nu-metal produced Ross Robinson to produce your debut. He will declare it to be most intense, pissed-off music ever released. Until the next one.
9) Claim Black Sabbath are your favourite band. Even if you've never heard of them, it's just cool to declare the Brummies as 'gods'.
10) Get the music press to compare your band to the Deftones and Tool and moan about how much you hate the comparisons. Put across that your own band are here to save music from all the rubbish currently in the charts even if your band are indeed rubbish.
You have completed the 10 steps to becoming a trendy US nu-metal band. Go forth and sell one million copies of your debut album to the America youth and then disappear.
1) You must cover an 1980s novelty song for your debut release. This is not an option
2) You need a gimmick. This is essentially important for the vocalist (they're not singers) be it bullied at school, self-mutilation, playing the bagpipes or spooky appearance.
3) Recruit a female bassist. This will lead to initial magazine exposure before the critics notice you can't actually play. By this time you will have built up a hardcore following of teenage boys.
4) Write some songs. About 12 will fill up an album. Don't worry about B-Sides, use crap remixes instead. A whole remix album would be perfect!
5) Incorporate a trendy DJ member into the band for that 21st Century feel.
6) Claim to be "down" with your fans. Express your thoughts on topics you have no clue about such as the Presidential elections and rage how much Britney Spears sucks. Never speak up about anything remotely important.
7) Recruit lots of band members. About eight or nine is about right. Having three members is so passe nowadays.
8) Request famed nu-metal produced Ross Robinson to produce your debut. He will declare it to be most intense, pissed-off music ever released. Until the next one.
9) Claim Black Sabbath are your favourite band. Even if you've never heard of them, it's just cool to declare the Brummies as 'gods'.
10) Get the music press to compare your band to the Deftones and Tool and moan about how much you hate the comparisons. Put across that your own band are here to save music from all the rubbish currently in the charts even if your band are indeed rubbish.
You have completed the 10 steps to becoming a trendy US nu-metal band. Go forth and sell one million copies of your debut album to the America youth and then disappear.